


When We Were Young

by palegingerade



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Arguing, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Denial, Dialogue Heavy, Dream Sex, Drinking Games, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Gay Bar, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of abuse (not graphic), Minor Original Character(s), Opposites Attract, Past Underage Sex, Pre-Canon, Premature Ejaculation, Regret, Reminiscing, SPG to the rescue, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Vyvyan does the right thing... eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 70,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palegingerade/pseuds/palegingerade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where one day they meet each other at school and it's all very innocent, until it's not..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting.

Vyvyan felt his palm get sweaty and the biro he was holding start to slip through his fingers as he signed his name in shaking messy handwriting. He tried to hold it still and concentrate but he couldn't. He didn't know why he was so nervous coz he really shouldn't have been. He'd been through this process countless times before and that wasn't including the various primary schools he'd been shoved in and yanked out of over the years. This time it felt different somehow. He'd never been to a boarding school before and Footlights College was so much bigger and scarier than all the other schools he'd briefly attended and he didn't know one single person. He already knew he wouldn't fit in here; all the other kids were nerdy posh swots with their neatly ironed uniforms, waxed satchels and freshly shined shoes, and he'd never felt more underdressed or out of place in his life. 

It wasn't all bad, he reminded himself, coz if it got him away from home for longer this time then that could only be a good thing. He wasn't sure how his mum had been able to afford to send him here in the first place because neither of them ever had any money. Knowing how she usually paid for things made him feel physically sick and he couldn't bare to think about it, but he was glad for once that she'd done the right thing. Being used as somewhat of a punching bag for his latest stepdad after he came home from the pub in a drunken rage was starting to get dangerous now he was big enough to defend himself so no matter how scared and totally alone he was, things could only get better from here on in. Finally sending him away from that environment was probably the first decent thing his mother had ever done for him.

As he approached the desk and handed the completed form to the snooty looking woman behind the counter she quickly scanned over it and stared blankly at him. 

"Name?" She asked, her tone rushed and flat. Even she couldn't be bothered with him.

"Vyvyan.." He answered, trying his best to hide his nerves and man up. All this namby-pampy bollocks was going to have to stop now.

"No." The woman said, typing something on her computer and shaking her head as if he'd made a mistake. "That's not what we've got here..." she was still talking but he was suddenly distracted from her disapproving whining by someone behind him huffing and tapping the toe of their shoe on the floor impatiently. 

"Come on, hurry up, blimey! What's taking you so long? Some of us have got classes to go to for Cliff's sake!"

He was just about to turn around and tell whoever it was to shut their face when a second woman appeared at the window and the rude boy shoved past him and thrust a piece of paper under the glass. His voice was loud, screaching, and Vyvyan had little choice but to listen.

"I got another one of these letters pinned to my door today and like I told you last time, I'm not having it!" As the boy continued his increasingly angry rant Vyvyan noticed he had a slight speach impediment, a soft lisp that worsened when he raised his voice. "My mum and dad paid for me to have a single room and I'm not sharing, especially with someone I don't even know! A complete stranger, that's just eww dis-gusting!" He was furious and his cheeks were glowing pink, exactly the same colour pink as the hairband tied around his tiny frizzed out ponytail. Vyvyan continued to watch as he protested theatrically. Some people just had the nack of grabbing your attention immediately, whether you wanted them to or not. He was making a right exhibition of himself and it was a lot more interesting than the woman who was now holding up his admissions form and staring silently through the window again. She was really testing his patience and putting him off the impromptu entertainment.

"What?!" He yelled, taking his eyes off the boy and folding his arms across the counter in a huff. God only knew what her problem was but she didn't look very impressed with what he'd written down.

"Well, it says here you're a boy?"

"Yeah?" He was used to filling out stupid forms and answering rediculous questions time and time again but that was certainly one he'd never heard before.

"Vyvyan?" She asked again, still staring.

"Yes!" He nodded obviously, he'd been teased about having a girls name before but surely he was physically enough of a man to prove that he wasn't one. If she wanted further proof then she was more than welcome to it. "Here, do you want me to show you?" He reached for his belt, unfastened the buckle and was just about to pull the frayed waistband of his jeans down as he heard the boy next to him snort out a laugh. The woman didn't seem quite as impressed as he was judging by her immediate blush and stammer. Ha, that certainly showed her!

"No dear, that won't be necessary thank you..." She started typing furiously again and he glanced back towards the boy who was suddenly silent. He could have sworn he'd just caught him looking over and quickly turned away, thinking no more about it as he was asked more stupid bloody questions. "You haven't ticked the box here for higher education either. How old are you dear? Nineteen?"

"Seventeen." He corrected, glancing back at the boy who snatched his paper back from under the glass, slammed it down on the counter and tutted even louder. "Erm, I just moved here and I missed most of year 11 so if I want to study medicine I have to repeat it. Okay?!" Vyvyan HAD been asked his age before. Many times. He knew he looked much older than his barely seventeen years but he had no choice but to grow up faster than he should have done. He was used to being thrown around from pillar to post for most of his life. He'd been sleeping rough on strangers sofas, in womens refuge centers and on the streets since before he could walk and lately life at 'home' was so bad he hadn't had a decent nights sleep in weeks. The sallowness of his pale skin and heavy bags under his eyes only aged him even more.

"Well that is a problem," the woman continued, "we have you down here as being female and sharing a room with a girl and we simply don't allow mixed dormitories here at Footlights. Seeing as you have a car I'd say it would be easier to stay at home and commute. I'll put you on a waiting list until a room becomes available. That's the best I can do for now I'm afraid.." She was STILL talking but Vyvyan wasn't listening anymore. He was suddenly VERY afraid.

"No!" The loudness of his reply came as a shock and seemed to snap the woman out of her rambling monologue. The boy next to him was definitely looking at him now but he didn't care. There was no way in hell he was going home again. "There must be somewhere I could stay, can you check again, please?" He hated saying that word almost as much as he hated school but this time he was that desperate he would have said anything. Before the woman resumed her assault on the keyboard she was interrupted by her colleague and Vyvyan stood silently, awkwardly, knowing he was still being watched as he picked bits from their conversation.

"So what, we just put him with Rick for now?.."

"Well yes, that would appear to be an ideal situation..."

"I know he is, very annoying yes, but he'll get used to it..."

By this point Vyvyan was staring at the boy again and once he'd seen past the sharp creases in his trousers and his fully buttoned up and tucked in shirt, he realised he had the best smile he'd EVER seen. He also realised that he was smiling back and the queue behind him was getting really long. He'd had enough rejection and was suddenly so exhausted he wanted nothing more than to get the boring formalities out of the way so he could bunk off his first lesson and go to bed and sleep. If it meant sharing a room with the geeky looking grinning stranger then that was fine by him.

"Okay boys pay attention. I know this is going to take some getting used to but we're putting you in with Rick, Vyvyan. Even though you're older and we don't usually do that, it's the only option available at the moment okay." It wasn't a question. "Here's your room key. Rick, you can be excused from your lesson for ten minutes to show him where to go. Alright. Good. NEXT!"

He took the key from under the glass, grasping it tight by the brass fob and turned to 'Rick' for directions. He didn't give him chance to ask as he sped off down the hall and Vyvyan picked up his heavy rucksack, scooped the covered hamster cage off the floor and followed quickly behind him.

They walked in silence until they got to the lift and then stood awkwardly side by side waiting. Vyvyan glanced at his new roomate, nodding at him coz his hands were full and he couldn't reach the buttons. Rick seemed to take the hint and called the lift but he still didn't say anything when they both got in and the doors closed behind them. He didn't care, the silence was nice and he hadn't hadn't had any peace and quiet for a while. As Rick pressed the button for the fifth floor Vyvyan tried his hardest not to think the thoughts that were creeping back in his head. They didn't matter now. He wasn't in that place. He was here and he was safe. He was suddenly snapped out of the horribly vivid flashback by THAT voice again and it was so much closer and unexpected it took him by surprise.

"So...what's in the box?"

As he looked at Rick's face properly for the first time he realised he was a lot younger than he first thought, probably only fourteen or worse. That wasn't good. He didn't know why but that really wasn't good at all. Anyway, he was being asked a question that he didn't mind answering for a change and he wasn't making a very good first impression. "A hamster, it's a hamster cage.." he replied, the sound of his own voice equally unnerving. Why was he still so bloody nervous!?

"Aw amazing. I want one but my mum won't let me. What's it called?" 

Rick was now lifting the cloth to try and peek inside and Vyvyan realised he probably should warn his new roomate that his hamster had just as much of a violent temper as he did. 

"Special Patrol Group. SPG. Careful if I were you, he bites." He grinned as Rick snatched his hand away and smiled a slightly confused smile. It was a strange name for a hamster and that was what most people did, well, what the few people that bothered to show an interest did. Rick cleared his throat and thrust both his hands in his pockets and the pale eyes that were so wide and interested a minute ago were now fixed squarly on the floor.

"I'm Rick." He said quietly and Vyvyan smiled again. He even had a lisp when he pronounced his own name. "Is your name really Vyvyan?" This time the same tiresome question about his unusual name didn't annoy him. He liked the way it sounded when Rick said it, it was unlike anything he'd ever heard.

"Yeah."

"Wow, that's a bit anarchic. I bet you got loads of grief from everyone at your old school. Where are you from again?"

Rick smiled softly and he had to smile too. It was the first time anyone had smiled at him like that and the first time ever that anyone wanted to know more about him. He wasn't used to talking about himself but when Rick looked back up at him it was especially difficult; his throat tightened, his mind went blank and the air in the confined space was suddenly way too hot. 

"Erm.." 

Suddenly the lift ground to a halt and the bars of SPG's cage slipped down out of his hands. Rick quickly lunged forward and grabbed underneath it along with a fistful of his jacket sleeve and about an inch of his inner wrist. When their eyes met again and the doors began to open Vyvyan didn't have a clue what he was about to say. It didn't matter though coz Rick carried on talking.

"Phew, that was a close one. Come on, we're almost there. It's just this door here. Don't drop him!" He dashed out of the lift and Vyvyan followed once more, still staring at his stupid ponytail and the sandy hair shaved up the nape of his neck as Rick unlocked the door and flung it wide open. "I'm sorry I can't stay. I'll be really late for class. Make yourself at home. There's food in the fridge. And a beer too I think. Help yourself to anything. That bed is mine. The phone is just there. That door's the bathroom. I'll be back around four. If you go out make sure you lock up. Okay? See you later."

"Wait a minute..." Vyvyan was still stood in the doorway as Rick quickly pointed everything out, sweeping through the room like a frantic whirlwind and then shoving past him into the hall again. He wasn't sure what he'd called him back for or what he was planning to to say next. This was all so surreal and what came out of his mouth next even more so. "I'm sorry, erm, that you have to share a room with me.." 

With that Rick stopped, spun around to face him and smiled at him again. Ohgod this really wasn't good! 

"It's okay. You had nowhere else to go did you? I heard you say you didn't want to go home. It fine, don't worry. It's not for long anyway and they'll move you soon enough."

Vyvyan tried his best to fake smile back. That was probably true. He would more than likely get moved again soon but as he watched Rick dissappear into the lift and the doors close behind him he hoped it wouldn't be too soon.


	2. Different?

As the doors closed behind him and the lift started to move Rick tried not to think about the crazy looking punk boy he'd just left in the doorway of his room. He tried to forget how lost he looked standing there alone with his ripped rucksack on his back and that sad look on his face, and he had to try really REALLY hard to forget the clarity of his piercing eyes as he noticed flecks of sawdust scattered around by his feet. In his attempt to rescue Vyvyans hamsters cage as it slipped from his hands he had rushed and accidentally grabbed his sleeve so tight it was almost like he could still feel the soft worn leather and thrumming hits of his pulse on the pads of his fingers. When Vyvyan had looked at him in that brief second his heart had oddly skipped a beat but he had to turn away even though he didn't want to. His eyes were luminous and so vividly blue the entire interior of the lift had flipped over as well as the contents of his stomach but what he saw behind them in that split second was almost a cry for help, as if Vyvyan had monsters in his eyes. 

He knew right away they had little in common simply by how differently they dressed. Compared to how smart he liked to keep his school uniform, ironing creases in his trousers and starching his collar into crisp even points, Vyvyans faded baggy denim and studded leather jacket couldn't have been more of a startling polar opposite. He knew they were around the same age - Vyvyan maybe a year or so older, but he was no where near as old as he looked. When they finally found themselves alone and the lift doors closed his grin had been warm and boyish and Rick smiled remembering the way his eyes softened when he giggled. The sound of that alone was going to be pretty blimmin' difficult to forget in a hurry.

Despite his previously strong protest he didn't really mind having to share his room as much as he'd first thought. It was plently big enough for two people if he moved some of his books and records and made some space in the wardrobe, and he hadn't had chance to make too much of a mess of it yet. Vyvyan didn't look like he had too many belongings with him so it wouldn't be much of a tight squeeze. They wouldn't have to be in each others pockets all the time or live ontop of each other. The nose stud, bike chain and padlock, and furious stare Vyvyan wore made him appear tough and stand-offish at first and the only thing he knew about him was his name but that was okay, he wasn't afraid. Fear was suddenly the last thing on his mind as he kicked the sawdust into a neat line, instantly reminded of a bright shock of ginger hair as he stared at the toes of his new red buckled shoes. 

Thinking about his new roomate was all well and good, he reminded himself, but that was all it could ever be. It was just loneliness that's all, just loneliness and nothing more. He wasn't meant to feel how he felt so having Vyvyan as a friend would do just nicely. His classmates were no where near cool enough to be friends with him. They were all painfully boring anyway and compared to Vyvyan they seemed even more so. In the short time he'd spent with the crazy looking lost boy he'd felt more than comfortable, it was nice to finally have someone he could talk to. It had been so long since he'd last had a conversation with anyone who wasn't a teacher and although he stumbled through every word, forgotten everything he'd said afterwards and rushed out the door still stammering, it had been surprisingly nice. He hadn't made a friend in years and hadn't even spoken to any of the other boys on his floor in the halls. Being totally alone since he'd moved in last week had suited him just fine...until now.

Rick realised he was still thinking about Vyvyan threatening to pull down his pants when the lift bell chimed and the doors opened and by the time he'd stopped wishing that he had it was too late to tell himself off again. He glanced at the wall of buttons before stepping out and focused on the one for number five, smiling to himself as he did coz he simply couldn't wait to get back there.

Meanwhile Vyvyan was still standing in the doorway of Rick's room. He'd placed SPG's cage on the desk in front of him and pulled off the cloth cover but he couldn't take his eyes away or even blink as he took in the sight of what was to become his new home. It was tidy - REALLY tidy - and he was scared to even touch anything. His mum's boyfriend's house was nothing like this. It was a dump in comparison. His bedroom was so cluttered with all of the stuff she'd crammed in whilst fleeing from their old house that he could barely see the floorboards, let alone feel the cushioning pile of carpet through the thick soles of his boots.

He wriggled his heavy rucksack off his back and threw it to the floor with thump, booting the door closed behind him and locking it immediately to keep the rest of the world out. That was better. Now he could finally chill out and calm down.

He sighed loudly, releasing a huge aggressive lung - full of air he hadn't realised he'd been holding in as he approached the fridge, dumped the key ontop, and took out the one lonely beer bottle. Rick hadn't been joking when he'd said there was 'a' beer but it was a start, a well earned salute to a new beginning. He bit off the cap as he kicked his boots in the corner and patted himself down in search of his cigarettes. He realised he must have left them in the car but he could have really used one after the long morning's drive and the snotty woman moaning at him on reception. He decided he liked Rick almost immediately as soon as she'd called him annoying. Anyone that pissed her off that much was instantly okay with him, even if they did seem so pathetically square. Rick had been just the sort of person he'd always tried to avoid at his other schools but at least he had spoken to him. He was the first person that had been remotely nice to him in weeks so he figured he couldn't afford to be too picky at the moment. Rick's high pitched girly laugh when he'd nearly pulled down his pants didn't bother him either. He was impressed he'd actually managed to make someone laugh in the first place. That was another first. 

He sat on the stripped bed and glanced at the one across from him, separated only by a white fluffy rug down the middle of the carpet. Rick's bed was neatly made and the duvet so carefully ironed he could read some of the print on it from here.

_'The Young Ones?'_

Glancing up above the bed he saw the same image on a poster and huffed out a laugh in sheer disbelief. 

Great! Just brilliant! 

His new roomate was a bloody Cliff Richard fan!?

He gulped down the rest of the beer and lay on 'his' bed, wondering if it was too late to change his mind and dislike Rick intensely, but it was already too late for that.

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he was aware of was being shaken roughly by the shoulder. He opened his eyes, not knowing where he was for a few seconds as the outline of Rick's face became clearer in his hazy line of vision.

"Vyvyan...wake up!"

"Huh?!" He sat bolt upright and shoved Rick away hard as he wriggled back against the head of the bed. Rick was still wildly staring at him for some reason and he realised he still had both hands fisted deep in the lapels of his blazer. "Bloody hell Rick. You scared me to death!" He let him go and breathed deep as he leant back against the headboard, all the time willing his pounding pulse to slow down and the sheer panic in his chest to subside. THAT nightmare had been worse than the usual ones and he was actually glad someone was there with him this time. Rick was still staring and although he looked startled he was still sat on his bed, he hadn't backed away or recoiled in horror. Yet another first.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, erm, are you alright?" Rick asked, still staring into Vyvyans bright blue eyes that now looked so terrified it made him want to cry. The remnants of a cold sweat sheen on his forehead was visible from the dull light of the desk lamp and he couldn't help but notice the way it lit up his face. "I've been trying to wake you for ages. You were talking in your sleep. I'm sorry..." he apologised again as Vyvyan scrubbed his face with both hands and sighed. Maybe he should have just left him alone but he'd never seen anyone as distressed when they were sleeping.

"It's alright. It's okay, I just didn't expect anyone to be here. What time is it?" Vyvyan asked, embarrassed but suddenly relaxing against the wall. It was only a dream, a bad one, but a dream none the less. It couldn't hurt him now.

"Nearly six o'clock.." Rick replied, standing up and reluctantly turning away just as the kettle on the counter top boiled. "I was going to ask if you want to come for dinner? Erm, in the canteen? You look like you could do with eating." He said, still unable to stop thinking about Vyvyans slim taught stomach as he unbuckled his belt earlier. Vyvyan was a lot bigger built than he was but his clothes still looked too big on him, like they were second hand or he'd recently lost weight. He realised it was probably the latter; he couldn't imagine anyone else ever wearing clothes like that.

"Do you want coffee? I don't have anymore beer.." After he'd poured one for himself, Rick filled up the second mug on the side, the other one in the suite that hadn't been used yet, and offered it out to his scared new friend. Vyvyan glanced up as he took it from his hand but Rick's eyes never left the slight gap in the waistband of his jeans as he leant forwards and drank from it. He could see almost every lean muscle in his stomach as he sat hunched over the bed and it shouldn't have been so ruddy attractive!

Vyvyan quickly finished his coffee, tipping up the mug and gulping the contents and Rick made himself turn away and stop staring. This really wasn't the time for thoughts like that.

"Thanks. I needed that. Aren't you too young to buy beer? Do you have a fake ID or something?" Vyvyan asked, bending to put the mug on the floor as Rick carefully watched his every move.

"No, well, yes.. I am. I don't drink. My dad left it. My parents dropped me off last week, it was my birthday. He says I need to make friends and stop being such a geek. God, he's really embarrassing!" 

"At least you have one. A dad I mean. I don't. Well, I suppose I had one once. How old were you?"

"Fifteen. You?"

"Just turned seventeen on the twenty - third." Vyvyan said, trying his best not to be too disappointed. 'Fifteen? Fifteen. FIFTEEN! Fuck!'

"No way! That's the day after mine!"

Rick giggled and Vyvyan smiled back. "Finally, someone who won't forget mine then?" He said, biting down his uncontrollable grin and at the same time telling himself to stop flirting. It was no good, even if wanted to feel what he was feeling, this one was well and truly off limits.

_FIFTEEN?!_

"Erm, why don't you drink? You wuss!" He asked, desperately changing the subject and trying not to think about how pink Rick's cheeks blushed or how smiley his eyes were when they focused on him.

"I just don't like it. I prefer to stay in control. I take it you like it?"

"You could say that," he grinned knowingly, "did I hear you mention food?"

"Yeah. Let's go eh? I can show you around a bit after if you want, if you haven't already been out?"

"No, I mean yeah. Okay."

"Amazing." 

They smiled and stared at each other again and Rick turned away nervously, flinging his wardrobe open and fumbling something quickly off a hanger. "You can't wear that...outfit.. though, you'll stick out like a sore thumb... like that, erm, where's your uniform?"

"I haven't got one."

"Here. You can wear this jumper for now. It'll probably fit you. I have a couple of spares.."

Vyvyan stood up and wrestled his t shirt off, holding out the jumper and frowning furiously at it. It was dark green, hideous, with the school's crest on the front and some writing scrawled all over that he didn't understand, but he wore it anyway. He was suddenly ravenously hungry and his rumbling stomach was all that mattered right now. 

Rick couldn't help but stop and stare at the reflection in the mirror inside the wardrobe door. He'd never seen a naked boy before, except in the magazines that were well-hidden under the floor in his room at his parents. Not like this; for real and up close... so close he could reach out and touch the pale flawless skin, so close he could feel the body heat from his chest, and so close he wanted to lean in and lick?! Even the thought of it was way too much to handle and he took a long emergency deep breath as Vyvyan stuffed his head in the jumper and worked his arms in the too - short sleeves. "We'd better get going Vyvyan," his name still felt fresh and clean in his mouth, like his tongue and softened speach impediment hadn't had a chance to work it over, but it was already so familiar it was like he'd said it a thousand times. "before there's nothing but leftovers..left. Some of the boys here are like a pack of disgusting wild animals! I'll take my keys.." he stammered again as his face flushed indescribably watching Vyvyan smile and ruffle his hands in his messed up mohawk, re-spiking the stiff peaks at the front. 

"Ready when you are. When you've finished staring at yourself in the mirror, you puff!"


	3. Obviously!

Rick leant forwards in his chair and rested both elbows on the table in front of him, slowly stirring the straw in his coke round and round in a circle as he tried to analyse and come to terms with what Vyvyan had said earlier.

_'Ready when you are, when you've stopped staring at yourself in the mirror, you puff!'_

Vyvyan sat facing him, hunched over the table and talking a hundred miles an hour with his mouth full and Rick gazed at him with fascination, still unable to stop staring as he stroked the rim of condensation from his glass.

_'You puff?!'_

He had barely thought of anything else since and as they stood side by side with their trays in the queue, thinking of something to say as some kind of explanation proved a lot more difficult than he thought. It wasn't like there was an uncomfortable silence back then either, Vyvyan still seemed relaxed enough to talk freely and ask questions but he was so embarrassed he could barely think how to answer them as his arm was nudged along hurriedly.

'Urgh, I'm starving! Hurry up will you!'

In his mind he was still in their bedroom, his thoughts lost and frozen in that very moment their eyes had met in the mirror. It was like he was in his own little world. A world he thought he had left far behind since he'd packed and moved away from home, and a world he hadn't planned on bringing with him to this school.

'But, Vyvyan, I'm, n-not a...'

By the time he'd got over the shock enough to disagree it was too late, Vyvyan had simply grinned and dashed to call the lift and he still hadn't finished the sentence. 

_'I'm not a puff!'_

There! It was easy enough to say in his head but he couldn't say it out loud so it remained in his concious, taunting him over and over so many times that even the dinner lady had ask what he wanted twice. Rick realised the dig was probably meant as a joke. Vyvyan hadn't called him a puff in a horrible derogatory name-calling sort of way like the other boys had when they yelled it at him, and he certainly couldn't have been serious. He had spent a mere two hours in Vyvyans company, and barely fifteen minutes when he was actually awake, so there was no way he could have known it was true.

Not that it was true of course!

'Rick! Why didn't you wake me earlier? Now we don't have enough time for seconds, or thirds. Are you getting a milkshake? This all look amazing. Yuck, why is there fruit? Who even orders fruit?! I need a drink, where's the bar?'

He had grinned and followed Vyvyan as they each took the nearest free seats but it was still weighing heavy on his mind. So what if he had been looking - staring, at Vyvyans bare chest? He'd been momentarily distracted by the gleam of the metal bar in his left nipple and he certainly hadn't been prepared to be subjected to every pale inch of a relative stranger's tightly packed abdominal muscles in such a close proximity. Yes, his eyes had been fixed on Vyvyans softly defined biceps and yes he'd imagined, for a flash of a second, how each hard contour would fit snugly in the slight curve of his palm, but there was nothing 'puffy' about it! The difference between Vyvyans physique and his own couldn't have been greater so it was just curiosity that's all. A mere observation.

He had known Vyvyan was attractive the first second he set eyes on him and that was all fine too. It was something anyone in their right mind could see. A fact. Undeniable. Obvious. It was only now as Rick watched him eating and chatting, completely unselfconscious and unapologetic and totally oblivious to all of this did he realise he was the absolute worst kind of attractive. Vyvyan wasn't what most people would call conventionally good looking like some of the other older boys in year 11; the ones who couldn't wait to be centre of attention and bragged about how many girls they may or may not have had sex with. He wasn't like all the popular rich boys in his class either - tall dark and handsome, or the fit football player types. Vyvyan was one of those unique people you don't meet very often who didn't have a clue how attractive they were because they had probably never been told. There was just something about him, Rick noted, something new and wild and exciting. Something different that he couldn't explain, and he had no idea why that annoyed him so much.

He huffed out loud and nervously cleared his throat. He really didn't need this right now but it was no use fighting against it. Every forbidden feeling he had always tried to deny, everything his dad had made sure was drummed into him at an early age and every 'wrong' thought he'd surpressed for so long was flooding from his eyes so fast it was threatening to burst from his every pore. 

He took a long slurp from the straw, hoping the ice cold drink would cool down his manic thoughts but not looking away from Vyvyan long enough to make sure it did as he tried to reason with himself.

Vyvyan couldn't have meant it in that way anyway. He hadn't caught his gaze so blatenty roaming over his skin, hadn't noticed his cheeks so shamefully blushing, and couldn't possibly have imagined the few seconds of wildly inappropriate thoughts in his head so, luckily, he'd got away with it this time... if only they would stop.  
Vyvyan had thought he was looking at his own reflection, preening in the mirror. There was nothing 'puffy' about being vain either. Nothing 'puffy' about wanting to look good and always making sure his hair was neatly braided and his tie was done up smart. He was proud of his unique style and his painfully cool fashion sense anyway. There was nothing 'puffy' to be said about that!

There was also nothing 'puffy' about sitting this close across the dining room table, so close the toes of their shoes were touching and so close he could have leant forwards and slotted both their knees together if he so wanted. 

Not that he wanted to of course!

He was too busy trying not to start drooling at the sight of his gorgeous new roomate ramming almost an entire hotdog in his mouth in one go.

Vyvyan had been talking on and off for the last ten minutes and if he didn't snap out of his daydream and say something soon he would definitely know something was wrong. He glanced in his glass and gulped back a mouthful of ice but all too soon those eyes were on him again.

"Well, go on then?"

"Erm, what?" Rick tried not to look directly in Vyvyans eyes but they were just too good, especially when he smiled like that.

"You're a lot quieter than I thought yout were. I thought you were meant to be helping me settle in? What do you do for fun around here? Coz it seems pretty boring if you ask me - " Vyvyan scoffed between open-mouthed chews, stuffing the last bite of the hotdog in his mouth whilst his tongue flicked at the blob of ketchup Rick had focused on smeared in the corner his lips. Rick tried not to be so fixated but by the time he'd loudly swallowed and was slurping sauce from his fingers he was so transfixed he just couldn't help it. The mixture of blind panic and denial bubbling up in his stomach was no match for the scene infront of him: having Vyvyan suck on his fingers and lick his dry lips wet was suddenly so sexual his brain could have exploded. 

"I will, help you -.just - Eat your dinner first."

He would never admit it, not even to himself, but the slight hum and nod of approval from Vyvyan deliciously stuffing his face was possibly the greatest sound he'd ever heard, including any one of his favourite Cliff Richard songs. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about him like this. Vyvyan was quite obviously starving and by the look of the grey hollows of his cheeks and how furiously he was guzzling fistfuls of chips he probably hadn't eaten a meal this substantial for quite some time. He shouldn't be thinking about him simply eating dinner in any other way but the sight was so arousing he simply couldn't help his mind plummeting to the gutter. He played with the straw in his mouth, rolling it around on his tongue and keeping his narrowing gaze squarely on Vyvyans licked lips until he'd finished.

"Rick?!" Vyvyan tutted, clicking his fingers infront of his face for what was probably the third time and snapping him momentarily out of his unwanted sordid fantasy.

"I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening.."

"S'alright. I said are you gonna eat that?" Vyvyan asked, gesturing at his untouched plate of food. Watching him eat one hotdog was pornographic enough so Rick really shouldn't allow himself to see it all again...

Not that he wanted to!

"No, you can have it." The words were out before he could object and before he could tear his adoring gaze away Vyvyan had snatched the hotdog and stuffed it between his lips. He was hungry and would have usually eaten everything when the canteen did the good hotdogs, but suddenly he couldn't stomach a single bite. His belly was too busy doing continuous leaping somersaults as Vyvyan splatted ketchup on the bun and chased it with the slow roll of his tongue. The canteen was still busy too, so busy they had to share a table and eat with two other boys but there was no one else in the room. Nothing but bright blue gleaming eyes and that ravenously hungry mouth.

When Vyvyan had eaten everything from both plates Rick was still staring dreamily at him. It was too late to stop himself now. This was simply a one time thing and he would have to forget it and have a stern word with himself if they were ever going to live together and somehow be friends. He would have to spend a lot more time with him, share a lot more meals, and he hadn't even begun to think of how he was going to cope with using the same bathroom, showering naked in the next room and getting undressed for bed every night.

"Erm, d'ya feel better for that?" He asked, smiling and blushing hard. It was surprising how satisfied he felt too despite not eating a thing.

"God yeah!" Vyvyan said, standing and shoving his tray on the next table before turning his chair around and straddling it and Rick didn't even blink as he stared at his thick gaping thighs. His jeans were ripped at both knees and clung tight to his legs and it was the first time he noticed just how full and strong they looked. Suddenly his fully buttoned up collar felt tight around his neck and his tie so suffocating he could hardly breathe. Thinking about Vyvyan with his shirt off was one thing but imagining him anymore naked than that was making him harder than he'd ever been in his life. He started to panic. This really wasn't good! He liked girls, he reminded himself constantly, he liked girls who wore dresses, girls and breasts and short skirts and long hair - the girls in the magazines the other boys had in class....the ones that were very often touching, kissing and sometimes rolling around naked, writhing underneath extremely naked men. Men who didn't have crazy ginger hair, skin that was so translucent it almost glowed white and an intriguing and extremely sexy shiny nipple piercing...

_For Cliffs sake, get a ruddy grip!_

The other two boys had cleared their trays and left and when Vyvyan broke the intense eye contact by gulping back his milkshake, Rick only just noticed the hall was empty and they were the only ones left. "Erm, are you ready to go? I'll show you the common room." 

"Uhuh. I need to go to my car first coz _fuck me,_ I need a smoke."

Rick stood and crossed his blazer around his middle, so flustered his fingers wouldn't work as he smoothed the lapels and clasped his hands at his front. Hiding an erection in this blasted uniform wasn't something he'd done before so hopefully that would do - not that Vyvyan was looking at him. He had grabbed a big bunch of keys from his jeans pocket and was wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his jumper as Rick dashed for the door of the fire escape, ignoring both canteen staff as they shouted something he didn't hear.

The bite of the cold was a blessed relief. It cooled his burning cheeks and rapidly soaring temperature and as he leant back against the bright yellow Ford Anglia he took a deep calming breath in the air. Vyvyan was leaning over in the drivers side, rummaging in the glove box and he glanced at him for a second as the plume of cigarette smoke billowed out the open door. "I like your car." He said, inwardly cringing. It was a weak opener but it was probably better than: _I like your arse in those jeans and I'm so nervous I could die._ Vyvyan just slammed the door shut and took a deep pull on the cigarette and he traced around the flamed pattern on the paintwork with his fingernails.

Vyvyan deeply inhaled again and joined Rick on the bonnet, shuffling backwards as he sat on it and breathed out a long gust of smoke. "Yeah, it's alright innit, just had it sprayed, but it needs some serious work. I'm surprised I made it here in one piece this morning. The clutch rattles so much it's a bit of an animal and the head gasket doesn't seal....and, I take it by your face you know nothing about cars?" He said, taking huge big heaving draws and relaxing back against the windshield next to him.

"Erm, no. But it's really..really cool."

"I wanted to trade it in for a bike before I left. I have a friend, Mike, he works in a garage near me. But I can't afford it at the moment..It's probably not worth more than a few quid anyway..." Vyvyan glanced over at Rick who looked so unkempt and out of place, so pink in the cheeks and awkward he suddenly frowned. "You know, if we're ever going to be friends in this dump then you might want to try and make it a little bit less obvious.." 

"W-what?" Vyvyan grinned and Rick felt himself blush an even more furious red. He might have been still in that little world he'd left behind but he definitely heard that. "Erm, what do y-you mean?" He stammered, hoping to god Vyvyan wasn't going to say what he thought he was going to say. Surely he hadn't managed to figure out what he was thinking. Had his lingering stare really been that obvious?!

"You, just look at you. You're such a fucking virgin!" Vyvyan grabbed for his tie with both hands, holding the cigarette between his lips as he pulled it loose and smoothed down his shirt. As Rick felt his hot fingers glide underneath his collar to tug open his top button, thinking about big breasted girls didn't work this time. As smoke blew in his face from Vyvyan's slight crooked smile, the relief from his constricting collar was instant but it only increased the violent pull from his trousers. "That's better at least. It's no wonder you're burning up dressed like that with all your layers. Urgh, and there's no way in hell I'm wearing that disgusting tie, looks revolting!" Vyvyan yanked Rick's collar fully open, sliding his hands slowly over the silky material and down between the first two buttons as he bundled his tie into his shaking hands. "C'mon, let's go back eh?" He said, suddenly leaping off the car bonnet. "You can show me all the amazing sights tomorrow, but right now I really need to go to bed."

Rick could only nod silently, wondering if he could get away with fastening the buttons on his blazer without being told off for it. If Vyvyan thought it too uncool then he'd probably take that off too. 

He fastened his blazer.


	4. Idiot box.

They had done it several times so far, would have to do it a thousand more, and despite desperately trying to think otherwise - the only word to describe it was cute. 

That was all there was to it. Very cute, and dare he even go so far as to think; a tiny bit sexy..

Okay Vyvyan had to admit, trying not to stare at Rick as he got undressed for bed every night was A LOT sexy, but he tried not to think about it once again like he'd been trying every waking minute of every day since he'd moved in with him last week.

The very thought of the word 'cute' made him cringe to the point of nausea but ever since Rick had tried to take his clothes off inconspicuously, manically wrestling out of his tight trousers and into those vile fleece pyjamas at the speed of light- the pyjamas Vyvyan was still thinking about now as he slammed each textbook down from the pile with a thump - cute was the only damned word for it, and it really wasn't good!

Ugh, not now, Rick!"

He had been given a stack of reading materials to hand out as some sort of punishment for being late for biology again and this morning he got on with the task without debate. There wasn't much point in complaining anymore coz he'd already made an impression on the tutor, and as usual it wasn't a very good one. He knew he should be making more of a conscious effort what with being new to the school and this desperate not to go home but it wasn't his fault he couldn't possibly have made it to class on time today. Not his fault he had to stay in bed until Rick got up and dressed, and not his bloody fault he had to wait for him to leave so he could deal with such an inconvenient hard-on. 

It was all Rick's stupid fault.

Everything he was feeling and every one of their conversations lodged in his head was already Rick's stupid bloody fault! The inconsiderate bastard!

_'Mind if I use the bathroom first?'_

_'No, go ahead. It does take you ages after all. What exactly do you do in there all morning? You girl!'_

_'Stop calling me that, Vyvyan! Or would you rather I prove that I'm not a girl like you did?'_

Before Vyvyans brain had caught up with his body and had chance to race ahead to the best bit - the bit where small girlish hands had gripped the soft curve of full hips and that beautiful beaming grin covered that smug stupid face, he paused the replaying showreel dead in it's tracks with an extra loud slam, not realising he'd said it out loud this time.

"FUCK, I SAID NOT NOW RICK!!"

"Sorry, what did you call me?"

"Ugh, no, not you! Never mind." He glanced down at the vacant girl staring up at him, ignoring her and carrying on the circuit of the classroom until his hands were empty and he'd arrived back at the desk he had chosen. It was furthest from the front and next to the large bay window he spent most mornings gazing out of in a hapless daze and with all the interrupting thoughts still so fresh in his head, today wasn't going to be any different. He'd secretly hoped that sitting here in the background would work in his favor and that he wouldn't be called on to participate in class but he still stood out amongst all the others, was still the odd one out in a crowd. He didn't mind this time. He remained too preoccupied to care about anything as he tucked his hands in the stretched sleeves of Rick's jumper. 

He felt surprisingly positive and lots more awake than usual and as the tutor's role call was met with grumbles and yawns from his classmates, he only swung back on his chair legs and grinned.

  Vyvyan wasn't a morning person whatsoever and if he had his own way, would rarely surface out of bed before noon - let alone be already seated in class unless it deemed absolutely necessary, but he wasn't as bored as he thought he'd be so far. Far from it in fact. Thinking about Rick and their first week together was enough to keep him well entertained and the subject matter in hand didn't require much of his attention.

Science had always come relatively easy to him and if he was seriously considering a career in medicine he should probably be interested in other aspects rather than which chemicals caused the biggest explosions. He'd completed these books already, repeated the written tests in them at least dozen times in the same number of schools so he could probably do it again with his eyes closed - which was rather a tempting thought even though he wasn't tired. 

Those long sleepless nights and then horribly vivid nightmares were becoming a fading distant memory. However stupidly early it was each night, however hard he had to fight the urge to leave in search of a pub to drown the last of them out, staying in his room and going to bed at nine o'clock like Rick did was fastly becoming the norm. Leaning out of the window whilst he smoked his last cigarette and fought with Rick about the mess he'd made like he was some kind of slob and Rick was a nagging middle-aged housewife was truly worth it's weight in vodka. Whatever else he had to put up with, however much fun he had quickly discovered it was to wind Rick up so he wouldn't speak to him for hours on end and he finally had some peace and quiet all paled in significance. The five second flash of that slight hairless chest in the dark was already his favourite time of day, and a much better remedy than alcohol.

Dammit, you bastard, get out of my head!

He surpressed his smile and frowned again as he flung open his textbook, focusing on the words and diagrams sprawled out before him but they hardly made sense. There was only one image - one face - and one annoyingly childish voice in his head. And as per usual it wouldn't shut the hell up!

_'The bathroom's free, Vyv, unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta.'_

God, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!

"Whenever you're ready to join us, Vyvyan!"

"Present!" He yelled, snapping out of his unwelcomed daydream just in time to meet the beady-eyed frown from the tutor. She was a tall snooty woman, dressed in what he only could imagine appropriate for someone of her age to wear: long whispy hair harshly pulled back from her face, her willowy frame swamped by a tartan twinset that looked just as antique as she did, and huge gold rimmed spectacles that spent most of their time on a chain round her neck than sat perched on the end of her nose. Not a bit like his mother, he noted, yet already as easy to get around.

"Well thanks for that, Vyvyan, but I think we've rather established the fact that you're present during my registration fifteen minutes ago, don't you? Daydreaming again are we? Anyone would think you wanted ANOTHER detention..."

"No, Miss."

"Very well then. You'd better get on with it.."

He was told to carry on reading aloud from yesterday, all the time reminded of the way her posh voice bellowed his name compared to a much softer stammer.

_'The bathroom's free, Vyv...'_

Hold on a minute, _Vyv?_ How the bloody hell had he never noticed that before?!

"Wow!"

"Is there a problem, Vyvyan?"

"No, Miss. It's just wow amazing! Erm, photosynthesis I mean.."

"Well, yes that is quite true, it is amazing! And it's simply wonderful to finally hear someone getting so enthusiastic about biology! The rest of you might care to learn something. Carry on dear..."

He did, remembering how he'd randomly been given the nickname on Wednesday evening, when he'd returned from the canteen alone again coz Rick had said he wasn't hungry. He also recalled that they hadn't gone for any meals together since the first night he'd moved in and although Rick always had various excuses, he hadn't thought to question them until now.

No one except his mum and her pathetic excuse for a boyfriend had ever given him a nickname before. This was different. The way Rick had said it wasn't an insult. Not the usual; 'Oi,' 'face- ache,' 'loser,' or the more frequently used 'queer! So it hadn't occurred to him to mind or even notice, until this very second.

The constant homophobic remarks from his oaf of a so-called 'step dad' he had shrugged off long ago with a scrunch of his shoulders and a well-timed fist in the face, but it was never the words that had bothered him. Knowing he was gay since he was seven years old and instinctively knowing he was different was fine. It was great even. Defending his sexuality was the one thing that made him stronger. The one solitary thing that remained constant - stability that no horrible circumstance could change.  
He didn't care if it caused fights in the playgound, didn't care if it got him in trouble at home when his mum had caught him in bed and turfed whichever boy it was out by the ear in the street. And he couldn't care less if they left so scared that he never saw head nor tail of them again. They were only good for one thing after all and it wasn't the conversation. Going by the number of disruptive break - ups his mum had been through was enough to prove that relationships were pointless. They all ended sooner or later and he couldn't be bothered with that. Meaningless sex was safe, as long as it was...safe, and he intended on having lots of it. As for emotions, there was simply no need. Emotions were meaningless too. 

Being shoved in a boarding school away from his mum's rules and her boyfriend's spiteful temper, where there were hundreds of teenage boys all under the same roof was a bonus he hadn't quite banked on. True, the ones in his class were as dull as dishwater but that never mattered in bed. 

If only he hadn't been paired with the one boy who didn't bore the pants off him like they did - the one boy he was desperate to shag.

When he saw Rick trying to cram the slice of toast in his gob he was suddenly reminded of all that again, and even though he knew he should leave well alone he was now more than a little bit curious.

He carried on reading, mentally dissecting and nitpicking at Rick's every last word and syllable.

_'Why d'ya not wanna come for dinner with me anymore? You said you weren't hungry and here you are stuffing your face like a train crash!'_

Rick had blushed and wiped the crumbs from his lips and right on cue he had to look away. He was still far too much of a temptation.

_'I'm not. I wasn't. I got back from the anarchist society late. I think I'm gonna start going more regularly y'know coz it's really interesting... What's wrong?'_

_'Have you seriously unpacked all my stuff?!'_

_'Erm, yeah. I thought it was about time you made yourself at home."_

Home?!

_"..and I've hung everything up in our wardrobe. You haven't been moved yet and you can't live out of that rucksack forever can you? Your clothes will be all wrinkly. And I fed SPG for you. He was so hungry he almost took my blimmin' fingers off, the little sod! If you need money for hamster food I'll quite gladly lend it to you, Vyv, just don't go leaving the cage door open like that again! I had a ruddy great big gaping hole through my toast! AND there were definate bite marks around the cheese! Don't even tell me they were yours, they were all....mousey. What? Why are you laughing?'_

_'I'm not, I'm not laughing! It's, nothing. And don't let SPG hear you call him that. He'll have your hand off next time!"_

_'Oh and while we're on the subject of house rules, if you don't stop filling the bath with ice just so you can cool your beer bottles then I'm going to ruddy well.... CALL THE POLICE!'_

_'Do it and I'll drown you in it! You bastard!'_

Vyvyan pressed his grin in the palm of his hand, keeping his voice even and calm as he continued to read. Rick's neatness annoyed the hell out of him but his strops and manic outburts when he didn't follow suit really did make him laugh. Hard to believe they had fallen into such familiarity after the strained and awkward silence in the lift. Not forgetting the absolutely hideously mortifying:

_'I'll leave you to, y'know...get undressed then. Don't worry, I'm not gonna look or anything ...'_

That first night another coffee was made for him without him even asking and he was allowed to have a cigarette out of the window as he drank it in silence. He had then pulled off Rick's borrowed jumper and jumped quickly under the covers, feeling pretty good about his first full day at school as Rick fussed around in the kitchen area and washed up the cups. He'd been substantially fed and watered, nicotine levels pleasantly restored, but when Rick had emerged from the bathroom smelling all girly and clean from the shower - hair still wet and nicely dripping down the gentle slope of his neck - it was really hard not to notice and impossible not to stare. Rick looked so fresh faced and young out of the confines of the geeky uniform and so much more relaxed than he had been moments ago as they sat against the windshield of his car. He had gasped, panicked, dived for the light switch and wrapped himself head first in the duvet, strangely already so comfortable in his new surroundings that when Rick had said goodnight and turned off his bedside lamp he barely had enough energy to reply.

_'Yeah, night Rick.'_

_'I can lend you something to sleep in if you want. If you'd rather be more comfortable?'_

_'No!'_

He really didn't need to feel any more comfortable than he was oddly feeling at that moment and he was suddenly so alarmed how normal this was the next words were out before he realised it was probably a whole lot of too much information. 

_'I mean, nah, yer alright thanks. I sleep naked.'_

Oh god!

_'Erm, o-okay then. If you're sure..'_

_'I mean I don't wear pyjamas. Not that I'm going to be naked anymore, erm, sleep naked, now. Shit. Yeah, goodnight!'_

Vyvyan stumbled quickly over the last paragraph, cringing and blushing furiously as the boy next to him was told to carry on where he'd left off. Not only was it bad enough that he'd imagined stripping Rick stark naked on the bonnet of his car and had to seriously restrain himself from ripping those damn checked pyjamas off with his teeth, he'd also admitted that he slept naked because naked was all he could think of. Naked and bed and naked and Rick and naked and bloody horny as fuck! 

God dammit! 

After giving himself a severe telling off in English and being bored to tears in Maths, Vyvyan purposly ate dinner alone in the canteen again, rounding off the school day with another trip to the year 11 common room. Friendship wasn't something he sought very often, he was perfectly fine on his own. But desperate times did indeed call for extremely desperate measures. After not being able to get Rick out of his mind for a single second he knew he had to at least attempt to be around other kids his own age. 

There was no one there that day that stood out as remotely interesting. Nothing worth doing that held his attention - except for the jukebox he didn't have any money for - but he stayed and forced conversation anyway. 

Anything was better than going 'home' to Rick.

It was late when he got back, pitch black and so cold outside he was huddled in Rick's jumper and violently shivering, but Rick would have gone to bed hours ago so walking round the block a few times first was worth it. After his cold breath misted the mirror in the lift, he stared at his blurry reflection, his eyes drawn immediately down to the emblem on the front of the jumper. 

What was so great about Rick anyway?! He was a geek. A nerd. So NOT the kind of person he should be thinking about, let alone bloody smiling about. He was a spoilt only child, his parents upper class toffs, far too young, probably way out of his league and more importantly, he wasn't even gay!

Rick was loud, dramatic, so annoying he wanted to scream and smash his face in, and he was such a disgustingly girly swot he would probably never set a foot out of line. He would never be up for doing anything that was dangerous or fun.

He was a bloody Cliff Richard fan for christ sake! 

Enough, he warned himself as he paced the corridor and stood facing the door. Enough now.

Rick scrambled from under the duvet, kicking his legs and sticking his head out from under it as he heard the door burst open by the foot of his bed. "Oh thank god it's you! Come in, quickly! Close the door!"

"Of course it's me, you idiot. Who do you think it's gonna be?!" Vyvyan booted the door closed, not able to stop staring as he kicked off his boots and Rick grabbed and steadied something that was large and square shaped underneath that horrendous duvet cover. The bed was a shambles and so was Rick. His hair stuck out wildly in all directions and his cheeks were flushed with warmth but he didn't allow himself to think about that. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Shh!" Rick snapped, holding a finger to his lips. Vyvyan just grinned. "Can you keep a secret?" He nodded automatically. "I'm watching the television!"

"Well aren't you a rebel!" He teased. Rick tutted. "Whose television? I thought we weren't allowed to have a televi.."

"..we're not allowed! Shh!" Rick interrupted still staring wide-eyed at Vyvyan who looked like he was trying not to smile. He even looked slightly.. impressed? "My mum doesn't know that, I never told her. She bought it. Don't tell anyone!"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"Right, good then!" Rick snapped, half with relief and embarrassment. Breaking the rules always felt like such an.. anarchic.. thing to do. He was just about to dissappear back under his duvet tent when he had a sudden shock of a bright idea that was just too good to ignore. "You want to watch with me?" He asked, pulling on his best smile. If Vyvyan said no then he would have to do as he'd planned: leave him alone. Pretend everything was fine just the way it was and carry on avoiding him for as long as possible until this debilitating crush went away.

"Alright. But you'd better not turn the volume up any louder. I could hear it in the hallway and you wouldn't want to get in any trouble, would you?" Rick shook his head. He grinned. Oh, this was just too easy! "Hmm, thought not." He scrambled into Rick's bed beside him and nudged him playfully on the shoulder. "Move up then, I'm bloody freezing. And you'd better not hog all the duvet!" 

As Rick repositioned the aerial, shuffled the television in the middle of them both and draped the cosy duvet over his back, Vyvyans eyes remained fixed on the fuzzy black and white screen. He told himself this was only for tonight. The first and the very last time. Allowing himself to be close enough to Rick to be warmed by the heat of his body was just that. 

Tomorrow he couldn't and absolutely wouldn't think about Rick anymore. And the day after that he would tell himself again.


	5. Valuable Lesson.

"Urgh, I might have known you'd be watching something as boring as this!" Vyvyan sneered, nudging at the heel of Rick's bare foot with his. "And just when I thought it wasn't possible for you to be any more pathetically square!" He grinned before realising he was probably led a little bit too close and shuffled back towards the television in an attempt to stop flirting. It didn't last. "So, what fascinating scheduled programming have you lined up for us next then? University Challenge perhaps? Or are you finally gonna bore me completely to death and put the news on? Honestly, Rick, you get one chance to do something that little bit fun, give me the slightest hint of a promising rebellious streak, and then snatch it away by watching this tripe!"

"Oi!" Rick prodded the arm next to him, interrupting Vyvyan's teasing and kicking back carefully, just enough to make sure he didn't disturb the strong thigh that was still miraculously pressed against his. "I wasn't watching this actually! I WAS watching Top Of The Pops but the TV isn't tuned in and the picture keeps flickering off. The reception's been kinda bad.."

"I'm not surprised it doesn't work from all the way under here!" Vyvyan lifted the duvet and fanned some much needed cool air on the back of his neck. He was starting warm up quite nicely. (Absolutely nothing to do with the fact he was led in such a tiny single bed with a boy he hardly knew, each of them throwing jibes and insults at each other whilst giggling uncontrollably, comfortable and huddled together like they'd been doing this for years and it was the most natural thing in the world..) Vyvyan had never found it easier to be truly himself with anyone before and it both surprised and scared him to death. For the past half hour Rick had hung on his every word, held his gaze like he was genuinely interested, smiled at him like no one else had ever smiled at him, and all these soppy thoughts really needed to stop now!

"But we have to watch under the duvet, Vyv, we don't have a licence and there might be detector vans around here!"

"Don't be rediculous, you're such a bloody drama queen!" Vyvyan scoffed, smiling automatically coz there was that nickname again. Yeah, he could definitely get used to being called Vyv, especially if it was said in that particular voice, out of that one particular mouth, the playful return shove on Rick's arm too good to resist and just softening his insult enough to maintain his usual facade of annoyance. Rick must never know just how fast his heart raced when he touched him, or how desperately he longed to tuck the straggles of his loosened ponytail behind his ear, cup his smooth jaw with both hands and leap ontop of him for a snog. 

"Am not!"

"Are!" It would ruin everything, Vyvyan thought. Everything he'd always worked so hard to keep hidden. Everything he'd sworn he'd never tell another living soul as long as he lived. And everything he hadn't admitted even to himself yet. It probably wasn't true anyway; he wasn't lonely, didn't want someone - need someone. That was weak and he had to remain strong. He cleared his throat and swallowed down his nervousness so it was swirling heavy in his stomach where it belonged. He wasn't about to break character for a geeky and annoying fifteen year old swot, no matter how incredibly stunning he was. "Yeah, right. Coz there's gonna be detector vans that just so happen to be driving around at this time of night... in these particular grounds... of this particular private school...where nothing remotely exciting ever happens to us and we're surrounded by sod bloody all for miles on end!" He continued, taking a long swig from the bottle of lager at the side of the bed, the alcohol calming and instantly hitting the spot.

"Yeah. Well! There could be."

Vyvyan grinned as Rick reached over to tap on the screen. That had been sufficiently convincing enough even though he was far from being as bored as he let on. Whenever Rick panicked and reached for the volume button he leant in so close he could feel his hot breath through his sleeve; the heat of it pleasant and warming, flushing his face and all down his neck, dangerously breaking his resolve with each huff and childish tutt of annoyance.

"Ohh ruddy heck! It's just not ruddy well working! You're good at fixing stuff, Vyv. Do something!"

"What makes you think that?"

"The amount of time you've spent working on your car after school. You're good with your hands. Give it a try. We might just catch the last of it. I'm not allowed to watch it at home."

"You're not allowed to watch Top Of The Pops at home? Puff!" The last thing Vyvyan wanted was to get out of Rick's bed, or admit he'd used 'fixing his car' as an excuse not to be home when Rick sprawled out on his bed in all his near naked glory with a mountain of whatever textbooks, but the fact that he was led this close - so bloody close but frustratingly not close enough, was an opportunity he did intend to grab hold of with both hands. Even the thought of lying next to Rick like this was starting to make Vyvyan sweat profusely and the only correct item of horrendous school uniform he had was now in serious danger of sticking wet to his back, unless he took it off? "Alright then! Move over and I'll sort it."

"Don't break it!"

"I'm not gonna break it. Move!" Rick wriggled free from the duvet and sat back against the wall as Vyvyan tilted the television set on it's side and jiggled the aerial. "There, see? The brilliant - if extremely blurry, Sex Pistols."

"The who?"

"No, The Sex Pistols." Vyvyan grinned then frowned when he realised his bloody hilarious joke had gone way over Rick's head as usual. He was going to have to seriously work on his sense of humor as well as his sorry taste in music, even if his confused expression was cute, oh fuck, so cute! "Don't even tell me you don't know who The Sex Pistols are?" He carried on teasing regardless, "Johnny Rotten? Sid Vicious?" Rick shook his head. "Bloody hell, you're even more of a geek than I thought. How is that even possible?! Looks like its gonna be a late one and I'm gonna have to give you a seriously good and extremely hard," Fuck, concentrate! "Music lesson!" Vyvyan's body was now flushing all over, he had no choice. It was either this or die of impending lust induced heat stroke. He pulled off Rick's borrowed and boiling hot jumper and rolled back down on his front. That would conceal any more obvious embarrassment until he was alone in the bathroom with his fiercely pornographic thoughts. "Well? Come on then what are you waiting for, Rick? Detector vans, remember? Duvet!" He clicked his fingers, ordering Rick to assume the position, his hands shaking as Rick shuffled closer and their bare feet nestled together again, his next words a severe warning to them both. "Now listen and try to pay attention, alright? This is a very important band." 

Rick did as Vyvyan asked. He watched everything in silence, nodding and smiling and mentally making notes like he was on the front row of a Sociology exam and enjoying every minute. He even allowed Vyvyan to smoke without too much of a fuss once he'd stuffed a towel tightly in the gap under the door and fetched him another beer. At that moment Vyvyan had never been happier and didn't want the programme to end. When it did, Rick sprawled out next to him on the bed and he felt every slight tense of his thighs, each delicate arch of his back as he squirmed into the mattress and yawned softly in his hands and, FUCK, he really needed to get laid extremely bloody soon!

When there was nothing else on television but a fuzzy white dot, Vyvyan reluctantly climbed into his own bed, the threadbare duvet all scratchy on his back and the crisp pillow cold on his face but he closed his eyes anyway and tried to get comfortable. As Rick shuffled the television to the floor and covered it with a blanket he dared himself to have one last look at him in the dark. He stared at where Rick's pyjamas had bunched around his waist, stared even harder at the flash of pale smooth skin lit white by the light of his bedside lamp and promptly reached to turn it off. "Rick?"

"Hmm?" 

"Are you still going home on Friday?"

"I said I would, yeah. If that's okay? You don't mind being left alone for the weekend do you?"

"No. Course not! We're not joined at the bloody hip! Do what you like." Vyvyan smiled in his pillow, wishing to god that they could be joined anywhere, and soon!

"Yeah fair enough. Bet you'll be glad to be rid of me for a few days won't you?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to see the back of you! Not to mention Cliff! I've been thoroughly brainwashed this week. I'll be turning into bloody Cliff Richard if you don't stop playing that crap; a right limp-wristed puff!"

"He's not a puff!" Rick objected, grinning equally silently into his bedclothes. He'd already worked out how to really wind Vyvyan up. There was nothing quite like a few repeats of The Young Ones to make him lose every bit of his temper, but blimey it was worth it; Vyvyan was stupidly attractive when he was angry. "He's probably slept with hundreds more birds, chicks, erm, women... than you!" Rick snorted, turning for one last quick glance just in time to see the glint of Vyvyan's smile as he rolled on his back and wriggled around beneth the sheets.

"Well yeah he probably has, he looks ancient!" Vyvyan snapped, launching his jeans and pants across the room into a heap on the floor. "And he's definitely slept with more women than me, coz I haven't slept with any."

"You what? You mean you haven't...you're a.. but you can't be, I'm a.. Hold on a ruddy minute, you said you'd done it loads and I saw you, you have condoms in your wallet."

"Yeah I know." Vyvyan giggled, he wouldn't normally tell people this so soon after meeting them - it was no one else's business - but this wasn't just anyone, it was Rick. He wanted him to know. Rick had to know. "Of course I'm not a virgin, you idiot! Far from it. I'm not as square as you! I mean I don't sleep with girls. I like boys. Only boys. A lot!" Vyvyan's head soon felt heavy and his eyes began to close. He wasn't expecting to blurt it out quite like that but it was one less weight on his shoulders, one less burden on his mind. This frightening big posh school wasn't so bad after all.

"But y-you can't! How can _you_ be..?! It's not possible!"

"Oh believe me it's completely possible. Don't have a girly fit about it now, Rick. I'm shagged. I need sleep. You can freak out about having a gay roomate tomorrow."

"Whose freaking out? I'm not freaking out?! Why would I freak out?! It's fine. Everything's fine. It's all fine!"

"Good. Night then."

"Errm, yeah. G'night, Vyv." Rick tried to keep calm, tried to keep the brute kick of adrenaline inside as blood pounded in his ears and a million manic thoughts collided violently in his head.

For the first time since he'd gone to bed with Vyvyan this week, he didn't sleep at all that night.


	6. Captain Sensible.

"Oi! You fallen asleep up there or what?" 

Mike yelled, his voice muffled and echoing under the weight of his car as Vyvyan tutted and shook his head, attempting to shake the last of his thoughts. His latest dream had quickly become his new favourite so it was understandably difficult. "No." He replied, not thinking about lying ontop of Rick in his bed, not thinking of pinning him down - hot and so helpless, and definitely not thinking about shoving his stupid pyjamas down, sliding his hands around his hips and pressing his tongue in his mouth... 

_"I know you want me, Rick. Beg me!"_

_"Oh, god, please!"_

"Well?"

"I'm sorry, what? I was miles away.." He had been so close to actually doing it he was still kicking himself. When they had eventually called it a night that night and Vyvyan had scrambled under the covers he'd managed to dream up at least a dozen versions of how that night should have ended, not that any of them could ever happen now. Even the way they always, almost nervously, wished each other goodnight seemed impossible to forget when he was this far away.

_"Nighty-night, Vyv."_

"Uh, not now! Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said can you pass me that wrench? No, the one you're half sat on. Is everything alright, Vyvyan? Bad hangover is it?"

"No, not hungover. Haven't been drinking." Vyvyan sighed absentmindedly, wriggling whatever tool Mike had asked for from under his bum and tossing it to the concrete as a lone hand appeared out in front of him in search.

"Ah, thats got it. Vyvyan, this is a tin opener!" Mike tutted, his tone softening somewhat as he threw it back. "What's the matter, huh? You've hardly said a word to me all morning, and you haven't even attempted to steal my lunch or drink the break fluid yet. Don't tell me you've already had a run in with your mother. That's got to be a new record even for you. You've only been back here five minutes!"

"No, I haven't seen her. Haven't been round hers yet. I'm gonna go after this and collect some stuff, coz I have to listen to Cliff fucking Richard one more bloody time I'm gonna bloody well puke!"

"Eh?"

"Nothing. Doesn't matter. You got something I can smash a window with? Don't think she's in, she wasn't answering her phone." Mike grinned but Vyvyan was far from joking. After coping with the strained silence all week, Rick's pathetic excuse for music played constantly on repeat was the final straw. He knew Rick had been deliberately avoiding him and even though he didn't expect everyone to be as understanding as Mike, each passing day of being ignored: slamming down cups at breakfast, throwing plates in the sink and barely even looking each other in the eye as they physically fought for the bathroom was pushing him dangerously close to the edge. 

_"I'm going first!"_

_"No you're not! Move!"_

_"Vyvyan! Get, out!"_

_"Puff!"_

The word hung awkwardly in the air, simmering between them until he shoved Rick out of his way and barged in front. Even grabbing fistfuls of his warm, slept-in pyjamas made him crave to furiously rip them from his chest - not that he'd admit it. "It's just school stuff," he shrugged, "nothing really." Mike pulled himself to his feet, wiping his face on the oily rag in his hands and smearing another long smudge of black up his cheek. Vyvyan grinned and finally allowed himself to relax. He'd managed to drive, juddering and stalling, to Mike's dad's garage anyway, even though he could probably have fixed his car better himself. His friend (his only friend?) really wasn't much of a mechanic. It was probably just a fad, Vyvyan thought, one of the several career paths Mike had decided to persue over the years. Vyvyan knew he could lend his hand to most things but the silk shirt and grease covered suit trousers he wore seemed hardly appropriate for the job, not to mention the Ray Bans that had oiled themselves slick in the front of his hair. He continued to smile for the first time in days since that frustratingly platonic night in Rick's bed..

"Problems with your teachers again, eh?" 

Mike turned to put the kettle on and kicked over a stool, gesturing for him to sit down. Vyvyan slid off the table and straddled it. Mike was the only person who ever bothered to give him sensible advice and today he could really use it, if he only knew where to start. He didn't have a clue what to say, or what the problem was - if there really was a problem? Maybe being friends with someone as different and as difficult as Rick _was_ too much to hope for after all? "No. Teachers are fine. All boring, but fine. It's my roomate - he's.."

"If he's bothering you then tell somebody. Don't handle it on your own. You don't want to get expelled again after last time -"

"No he's not, he's not bothering me. Not like that anyway." Vyvyan glanced up as Mike offered out his cigarettes, "Thanks. I think he might actually hate me, - which I'm totally and utterly not in the slightest bit bothered about! I feel the same, but, I dunno," he shrugged again, "we used to get along - really well, until I told him I was gay and now he hardly speaks to me. Turns out he's a homophobic prick like the rest of them." He inhaled hard as Mike nudged his arm.

"Go on, take the packet. I've been trying to give them up anyway.."

"No it's fine. I'm alright for cigarettes at the moment coz he buys them for me." Vyvyan said quietly, almost self conscious and squirming under Mike's sudden questioning gaze. "What? It's no big deal. His parents are rich. They're always sending him money. He says he doesn't mind and my mum sends me nothing so I'm hardly gonna say no am I?! He gives me money for books, for petrol sometimes... The other day he gave me enough to buy beers, and he doesn't mind me smoking in the room so I guess it could be worse - what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"This is someone you hate?"

"Yes. Hate him. Annoying bastard!"

"And he hates you, too?"

"Yes!" Vyvyan said obviously. "If I never set eyes on Rick ever again then my life would be a hell of a lot easier."

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"You've named the puppy."

"I did what?"

"Grown attached. You like this one." 

By now Mike was positively beaming at him but he ignored it. "No I don't. I hate the bloody stupid bastard!"

"No. You wish you hated him. That's not the same. That's what's wrong with you, isn't it? You've gone and fallen for your roommate."

"No I haven't. Shut up!"

"I think you have. I think you should admit it."

"And I think _you_ need a slap!" Mike's raucous laughter blew cigarette smoke in his face and Vyvyan grinned and stamped his out on the floor, keeping focused on the toes of his boots as his throat dried and his face began to flush. "Alright, fine! So I kind of like him. But it doesn't matter he'll never be interested in me. Quite the opposite actually," Mike giggled again.

"Yeah of course he's not interested in you, Vyvyan. I always buy stuff for girls I don't like. Come on, do me a favour! He's obviously trying to impress you. If you like him just tell him. Let the cat out of the bag before it suffocates."

"I can't. Not now! It's unbarable enough as it is."

"Well then how bad can it get? Do it. When you get home take him out for a drink, just the two of you, and talk. I'm telling you, you might be pleasantly surprised."

"I can't. He doesn't drink. He's, erm, he's only fifteen, and he wouldn't anyway, he's a bit of a geek.."

"Jesus! You don't half pick 'em!" Mike laughed again but rummaged in his pocket, thrusting out a twenty pound note. "Ask him, trust me on this. Am I ever wrong?"

"Yes," Vyvyan scoffed, "all the time!"

"I mean when it's important."

"Alright, fair enough. But I can't ask him out officially! What if he says no? We have to live together. And what am I gonna do, take him for a burger and ask for a soppy snog in the back row of the cinema?! Urgh, there's no way I could do that, I'd rather die! We're already stuck avoiding each other over the cornflakes!"

"Exactly my point. What have you got to lose? And you don't ask him out on a date, Vyvyan, honestly!" Mike tutted. "Far too blatent. No, you take him somewhere fun, somewhere you both like, away from school. Trust me it's always the shy, quiet types that are desperate to be shown a good time."

"Maybe. I'll have a think about it." 

"Make sure you do. Have to say I'm surprised at you. Didn't think you went in for relationships? Quite sweet really -"

"Oh just, shut up, you bastard! Haven't you got work to do? I can't stay here all day talking bollocks. I need my car."

"I'll finish it tomorrow. I have to leave early coz I got a date. Come on, I'll give you a lift."

Vyvyan was still smiling when Mike pulled up outside school. His mum hadn't been home but between them they'd managed to prise open his bedroom window and grab a few armfuls of stuff - hopefully enough to get him through a few more weeks until he'd have to go back at half term. The image of Mike wedged stuck in the window, having to dangle him out by his feet and laughing until he was hoarse as he led in a crumpled heap of his clothes in the garden would surely be enough to get him through too. 

"I'll see you then. I should have it fixed soon. Call and let me know how the Rick thing goes."

"There is no 'Rick thing,' Michael. I'm not gonna do it!" He tutted and slammed the car door closed. "Bad idea. Just forget I said anything."

"Whatever you say. Good luck."

He was still smiling to himself in the lift, and in the hallway, even when he wrestled his keys out of his pocket and attempted to balance the tower of records he was carrying. Everything was great again, until he heard that unmistakable sound. The bastard was playing it again!

Rick glanced up from his comic at the intrusion of the key in the door, quickly focusing back on the page as Vyvyan appeared before him and loudly swore. He ignored him and carried on reading. He'd been over and over what he was going to say to Vyvyan once he was home, so many times he'd got it word perfect and it sounded quite poetic when he read it back. He eyed his notebook on the bed and quickly covered it with a pillow. It was no use, Vyvyan looked furious. He couldn't say it now.

"Alright, ya puff."

"Uhhuh." He didn't retaliate, didn't even look up as Vyvyan threw a pile of stuff on his bed and stomped through to the kitchen. 

"What's all this?"

Vyvyan stopped and spun to glare at him and ruddy hell, Rick wished he wouldn't look at him like that. It made it extremely difficult to pretend to ignore him when his piercing eyes seemed to burn right into his soul. "Went to town with my parents and picked up some hamster food. You were running low. Think he likes it.." Vyvyan looked undecided whether to stare gobsmacked at him coz he'd actually answered or turn away and watch SPG stuffing his face. He hid his smile behind his comic. "What you reckon?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just shocked. Are we doing conversation today?"

Vyvyan grabbed something from the fridge and Rick waited until he wasn't looking to reach for his record player and turn up the volume. Now it was so loud the windows were shaking but he simply couldn't stop winding him up. "Aw, I love this one. Don't you?"

"Right! That's it!" Vyvyan snapped, slamming his beer down so hard it fizzed all over the counter. Rick tried not to watch him, hands on hips, frown so downright furious it was creasing his forehead. "I can't take it - cant take it! This is absolutely, one million percent, enough now! I can't take it anymore!" 

He tried his best not to react even though Vyvyan looked amazing when he was this angry: his cheeks all flushed, eyes dark, voice rough and slightly breathless. Rick pressed his lips into a thin line, concealing his smile and thumping heart with the pages of his comic. "Is there some kind of problem, Vyv?" In a flash Vyvyan dived on his bed, flung back the covers and grabbed both his wrists. "Ow! W-what do you think you're d-doing?" He could only stammer as he was yanked to his feet, Vyvyan's grip was suddenly so tight he swore he could feel his pulse.

"I swear to god, Rick, I'm gonna kill you if you play this song again. Just one more time! I can't take it, I'll go crazy! And if that bloody gobshite warbling in my ear isn't bad enough then there's you, you smug bastard!"

For a moment Rick was startled. He wasn't expecting to being torn from his bed with such a force, or for Vyvyan to be screaming in his face like this. He'd never been this close to him before - so close their lips were almost touching! It made his stomach flip over again and again, but he still shrugged defiantly and held his gaze. It was just too good. "I dunno what you're talking about - "

"Oh yes you do. You _know._ Don't give me that! I can take you not speaking to me for the rest of the year. I can take having to share a room with someone who can't deal with the fact that people are different and aren't born with a silver fucking spoon in their mouth, but I can't cope with this. Too far! Way too bloody far!"

"I-I don't care that you're different." The grip on his wrists softened and Vyvyan pulled back. Rick took a slow breath and carried on. "It's that what you think this is? You think I'm that shallow - that I'm avoiding you coz you like - erm.. because of what you told me?" Vyvyan shrugged and let go and Rick sat down, his knees already hollowing right on cue as those dazzling eyes continued to stare. "It isn't because you're gay, you spazzy! That's fine. In fact it's more than - it's completely - erm. No. It's because it's hard, coz I really, _really_ really -" All of a sudden he was pulled towards the fridge and a freezing cold open beer was shoved in his hand.

"Shut up and drink it. Right now. We're going out."

"What?" He gripped the bottle tight, wishing he could hold one over each of his glowing cheeks to cool down his raging lust - not that it would work. Hell, the way Vyvyan was looking at him now - climbing inside the ruddy fridge wouldn't work! "But we can't go out.. It's late. We're not allowed out at this time.."

"I'm serious! We're going out. Right now. I'm taking you somewhere where they have real music, proper music! None of this shite. And you're gonna bloody well enjoy it, alright?!"

"But, it's nearly nine! And it's a school night.." Before he could protest any further, Vyvyan had pulled his tshirt over his head and was fumbling through the pile of clothes. There was no way he was sneaking out at this time of night, no matter how tempting it was. No way! Not a chance. Completely out of the question!

"Here. This ought to fit you. You can't wear that. I point blank refuse to be seen dead in public with someone that square. You look - disgusting!" A black tshirt and a pair of ripped jeans were thrown at him and Rick held on to them tight as he watched Vyvyan undress. "Well then?"

"W-what?"

"What are you waiting for? Get dressed. And hurry up, I might still be able to get us a lift."

"But, I can't."

"Oh yes you damn well can! Come on. Strip." 

By the time Vyvyan was fully clothed again: the muscles in his thighs bound in obscenely skin tight denim, nipples hard and the stud in the left visible through his shirt, Rick couldn't think of a single reason why he couldn't, and he certainly couldn't say no. He nervously undid his shirt buttons, surprisingly quickly considering it was cold, his hands were shaking and he wasn't paying attention.

"And those hideous trousers too. So help me, Rick, you'll learn about decent music if I have to drill it into you myself. Come on, don't just stand there. Get 'em off! Don't think I won't do it for you. That's it. That's better already. Although I might have to burn those Y fronts, bloody hell!"

Rick giggled as Vyvyan grinned, clinked their bottles together and guzzled the last of his beer, and as their eyes met again a prickle of spine tingling anticipation shivered wickedly down his back. He'd never felt so naked and exposed in his life than he did under Vyvyan's gaze, but maybe he did have a point. If he was ever going to come clean and admit the truth like he'd planned then a couple of drinks to steady his nerves was exactly what he needed.


	7. Date?

"Ha! Bloody hell. Look at the state of you, you can barely squeeze your great big girly bottom in 'em!"

"I can, too. See! And anyway my big girly bo- I mean, my bottom isn't big! Just.. leave me alone!" Rick turned around and around, grasping at the faded tight denim that hugged around his bum and wriggling the surprisingly snug t shirt he'd been given down over his stomach as he sat back on the bed - putting a swift end to the embarrassing exhibition he was making of himself under Vyvyan's steel blue gaze. 

Okay, so maybe he _had_ put on a few pounds lately, but it wasn't his fault! All the meals here were delicious and now that he'd got the hang of Vyvyan's lesson plan he'd worked out exactly when it was safe to eat in the canteen and not to get distracted by him. It was difficult enough as it was with Vyvyan constantly chain- smoking cigarettes and sucking rabidly on beer bottles without the added temptation of watching him eating giant desserts and intensely licking the spoon. Never the less, Rick was surprised Vyvyan's clothes were this tight given how loose they appeared on him, and even more surprised that he'd been hiding a body like _that_ underneath them!

"Nah, still no good. We're gonna have to seriously do something about your hair.." Vyvyan said, still staring quizzically at him. "Mike says there's a punk band on tonight. You'll never fit in like that. Come here, lets 'ave a look at you -" Rick breathed in deep as Vyvyan stood between his knees, tilted his head up towards him and squinted his narrowing gaze. He stared back, both his legs visibly shaking as the strong press of thighs forced them open. He grabbed for both rips at his knees, holding on to them for dear life as he took in the sight of that chest and flat stomach a mere inch from his face. 

_For the love of Cliff!_ Skinny or not, Vyvyan was nothing short of breathtaking right now! 

"Now stay still or you're gonna look stupid," Vyvyan carried on, forcing Rick's head to the left and once again to the right before pulling it back to centre and grinning uncontrollably, "mind you, that's not unusual for you!" 

Rick tutted and tried to remain calm as a wet rush of hands pushed the front of his hair back. Vyvyan giggled and he had to close his eyes, knowing it would be easier to withstand the agony of having him this close if he wasn't panting all over him and positively drooling. Another cool dollop of gel was applied with a splat and those nails continued to drag circles in his scalp, fingers warm in the wetness and remarkably soft. Not a bit like he'd imagined Vyvyan's hands to be - not that he'd imagined them at all of course..

Well, maybe a bit.. 

"There. That's the best I can do without shaving this stupid ponytail off. Should I get my clippers out and give you a quick going over while I'm here?"

"No.." Rick breathed, very nearly speechless as Vyvyan continued to grin down at him like a god.

"Fair enough. I'll wait til you're asleep then. Suppose this kind of looks better on you anyway. Hold still for a second-" Vyvyan abruptly leant over and shoved Rick head first into his chest, winding an elastic band around both extremely rushed and loosely plaited braids and combing his hands through the shaved short hairs to spike them up a bit more.

And Rick started to panic.

"MmnnhVyvyan?!"

Vyvyan just grinned, tugging and testing his handy work was secure and enjoying the slip and slide of baby fine hair between his fingers for longer than he'd care to admit as Rick braced his hands on his hips. It was probably only to stop himself being pulled to the floor, Vyvyan thought, but he smiled anyway. It was the first time Rick had gone out of his way to touch him like this, and the first time he'd done something that strangely felt like he was making the first move? 

Interesting..

Rick's next groan was muffled in his stomach, his mouth so close and warm Vyvyan could feel the outline of his lips and _fuck_ were Rick's impossibly girlish hands actually, intentionally, sliding on the back pockets of his jeans?! 

"Um.." Vyvyan backed away, giving Rick's forehead a sharp shove before he lost what little control he had left, unfastened his zip and put that mouth to a much better use. "That's better. Well, only slightly, I'm not a bloody miracle worker! What d'ya think?"

"I like it." Rick said quietly, merely a whisper as he sat back and glanced ahead at the mirror; his hair the very last thing he was examining in it as he eyed Vyvyan's fantastic bum and ignored his mad blushing cheeks, "In fact I like it a lot!" He knew only too well he shouldn't have touched Vyvyan like that, but it felt that good being close to him it couldn't be helped. Vyvyan's hands quickly worked over his own head and Rick stared in the mirror until his eyes began to water.

The shock of ginger spikes were twisted and gelled wildly when he'd finished - a mohawk? A tri-hawk? Rick didn't know the correct term but he'd seen one of the boys in The Sex Pistols look similar; the blonde that Vyvyan seemed to be so fixated with, but that Sid The Vicious or whatever he was called looked nowhere near as jaw-dropping as this. "You should wear your hair like that more often, Vyv. Really suits you." He said, still not recognising his own voice, his unfraying nerves shaking the contents of the bottle and fizzing ice cold beer up his nose. He coughed and spluttered and gulped it back nervously. "Erm, I mean, it makes you look younger, n-not that you look older - it, erm, just really looks - really good." Oh _god!_

"Well then, maybe I will. You ready? Want to go?" 

He nodded as Vyvyan flashed him a smile and grabbed for his keys, barely able to contain his excitement as they each crept out of the room.

Sneaking down the hall in silence and in and out of the lift behind Vyvyan was so wildly exciting Rick could hardly breathe. He'd never done anything this naughty and disobedient in his life. Hiding behind the counter in the now deserted reception, clutching Vyvyan's arm as he pushed him forwards to check the coast was clear was the single most exhilarating feeling he'd known. He didn't know what the punishment was for sneaking out of school - he'd overheard a few boys saying they had lines and detention for weeks - but that didn't matter. Being in detention for the rest of his life was no match for Vyvyan grabbing his hand to drag him outside. No matter the consequences, that alone was worth it.

"Get down and stay quiet, okay? Mike'll be here soon; a silver Ford Anglia."

Rick nodded. He could just about hear Vyvyan breathing, see the ever so slight beating of his heart in his chest and feel his pulse hum steadily through the entire palm of his hand as it clasped tight to his and, oh ruddy heck, they were still holding hands!

"Here he is now. Get in. Quickly!" 

He was bundled into the back seat before the screech of the brakes had stopped and Vyvyan let go and leapt in beside him. 

"Finally! What took you so long, Mike? I've been in the bushes with this bastard for ages!" Rick dug his elbow in Vyvyan's side at that and they both giggled.

"Sorry. I had to pick up my date. This is Michelle."

"Hiya."

Vyvyan glanced at her as she turned to them and smiled. He hadn't met her before. She was another new one. "Alright? This is Rick." He cringed as he said it. This wasn't a date at all, by any means. So why did it feel like one?!

"Oh, right, yeah, _Rick._ It's nice to meet you finally. Vyvyan's told me - " 

Vyvyan gave Mike a swift clip round the ear and blushed the same gaudy crimson as the horrendous leather seats. Rick didn't know why he'd done it but smiled at Mike rubbing his head. 

"- absolutely and completely nothing about you. Erm, let's go before you get caught. And before I ram my other foot in my mouth!" 

The pub was loud, hot, and smelled like sweat. Pretty much exactly how Vyvyan remembered it from last time he was here with Mike. Rick was still clutching at his arm like a scared five year old child, but Vyvyan decided he didn't quite mind it this time. He was suddenly stopped, pulled over to one side and grabbed by each of his wrists.

"Vyvyan! You never told me you were taking me to a gay bar!"

Rick's eyes were as wide as saucers as he stared at two boys by the bar. Mike and his date were already ordering their drinks and although he could really do with one, Vyvyan stayed right by Rick's side. "Well, where else would I go?" He said obviously, "and it's not only for gay people, don't panic! People around here don't have such a stick up their arse about things like that like all you country-club, posh Tory-loving swots do."

"I'm not posh! It's fine. I've just never been to one before. It's so, shocking! I mean, have you seen what they're doing?!" Vyvyan grabbed his face again and quickly turned his head away.

"And don't stare. Honestly, they're only kissing! You should loosen up enough to try it sometime and you wouldn't get so hung up! And please don't letch all over the girls in here either, chances are they're more interested in each other than in you, not that I blame them! This used to be my local and if you embarrass me in here then I'll bloody well kill you!"

"I'm not hung up! I've told you, it's fine. Can we just do what we came here to do; get a drink and watch the band before you threaten to kill me for once!"

"First sensible thing you've ever said, Rick. Go on, after you, your highness!"

It really had been a while since he'd had a good night out, Vyvyan realised, and far too long since he'd been in a place like this. He relaxed immediately. The first gay pub he’d ever been to in the third year of secondary school had really been more of a dare. Mike had been teasing him about his relentless pursuit of his much older and extremely 'straight' friend for weeks, and his response had been to drag said bloke to the toilets and well and truly prove his point. He grinned. Back then no 'straight' boy, or indeed toilet cubicle, was safe from his insatiable lust. Nights out here with Mike became a more or less weekly occurrence, until Mike had decided he’d been hit on by enough gay men to last a lifetime. But to Vyvyan it was simply too easy; going back to a warm comfortable bed and spending the night with anyone was a much better option than sleeping out on the street. Now he had a roof over his head and some kind of stability, he could afford to be slightly more choosy. Opportunities to indulge whilst at his stuck-up private school hadn’t been anywhere near as plentiful, but he intended on changing that very soon.

Vyvyan smiled a bit wistfully at the memory and tried to focus back on the present. And on Rick, who was still staring at the urgently snogging couple so hard his eyes were almost dangling out of their sockets. He wasn't showing any signs of being particularly offended by it, remotely disgusted, or even slightly put off. He actually seemed to be enjoying the view?!

Very interesting..

The dance floor was packed to capacity, chaotic with a mixture of beer soaked sweaty bodies and thick cigarette smoke, and the music was so loud Rick could barely hear himself think, but he enjoyed it all the same. Vyvyan was clearly in his element. He'd never seen him so happy, or this intoxicated, and after living with him every night for three weeks that was really saying something. He'd lost sight of him at the bar through the crowd and someone was leaning so close behind him he could feel the alcohol soaked breath on his neck, but he remained in the same spot anyway for Vyvyan to return with more drinks. He'd never tasted cider before, or any alcohol at all for that matter, and it was ruddy amazing! He'd had a whole pint already and felt absolutely fine. This drinking malarkey was a piece of cake!

Vyvyan eventually ordered their drinks, adding another shot of vodka in both and pushing his way back towards Rick at the speaker. It probably wasn't very ethical to be plying his underage and rediculously innocent roomate with alcohol, but, much to Vyvyan's delight, Rick was a hilarious drunk, so much so his voice was gruff and hoarse from laughing at him. If it meant Rick would lean his arm around him - slur the same boring story he'd heard three times already in his ear, then one more drink couldn't possibly hurt. He glanced at Rick again, most definitely swaying, and then at the bloke next to him; getting a bit too close and crowding around him like most of the boys in here were. _Ugh, like flies 'round shit today!_ Vyvyan tutted under his breath, well, bees 'round a pot of deliciously pure virgin honey that he just wanted to sink his face in and eat.. _And just what the buggering fuck did that prick think he was doing with his hands?!_

He was a bear, both in the metaphorical pawing sense and also in the 'large, hairy gay man,' meaning of the word - broad-shouldered, a lot older than him, all that wild and scraggy facial hair. He wasn't attractive in the slightest, Vyvyan thought, and he was also a god-awful dancer. Vyvyan watched with one eyebrow raised as he casually gyrated between Rick and the speaker to properly grab hold of his hips. He was surprised he could see anything through the descending red mist, but Rick's clingy companion said something over his shoulder then commenced waving his pelvis about like he was attempting to pathetically ride the waves of a mechanical bull! He watched Rick turn and look up at the overgrown tosser and his polite smile was truly revolting!

The whole scene was infuriating, but Vyvyan feigned complete oblivion.

The two of them migrated from the dance floor to the bar, where the bloke bought Rick a drink and continued to flirt with him mercilessly. Vyvyan couldn't see clearly to read his lips but his body language told the whole story: still leaning in, desperate, depositing not-so-casual touches on Rick's arm and all down his back, and Vyvyan could hardly contain himself when the smug cocky bastard grabbed hold of Rick's arse. He slammed his fists on the bar and took a deep slow breath. Every inch of that bum looked amazing in his jeans - and so sexy it should have been bloody illegal! Vyvyan wanted to grab it, lick it, sink his teeth in and bite it! He stood up straighter and puffed out his chest, possibly in an attempt to look taller than his stupid competition. It was no use, the other bloke was massive and easily had four or five stones on him, although no amount of muscle or his towering height could redeem his disgusting fashion sense. Even uncool and painfully awkward Rick looked better, god, he looked so much better..

Vyvyan hadn't managed to tear his eyes from Rick's bum until Rick was pinned to the speaker and dangerously in fear of being mounted on it. Rick tried to slightly back away with a smile and Vyvyan took that for the sign that it was.

He squeezed his way down the stairs and back up to the front, gripping both rims of wobbling plastic pint glasses between his teeth and undoing more buttons to expose more of his chest. The other bloke might have been twice his size, but that was quite enough of that!

Rick managed to edge the man back carefully and was just about to turn and set off back to the stage when someone banged into him, head on with full force, and he felt everything that followed in a daze, like it was being played dreamily in slow motion.

The thud of the other person's warm body, the shock of being totally soaked to the skin as the two cups burst open and drenched him from head to toe, and the faces staring back at him through his blurred vision as he wiped his wet eyes. 

Three extremely gorgeous and half naked Vyvyans?

He wiped his eyes again and tried to focus.

The strong hand that had grabbed him to stop him from falling was still gripping tight to his forearm. Probably for the best really or he would have collapsed. His pulse pounded hard against Vyvyan's fingers as they clamped the underside of his wrist. If Vyvyan felt it, hopefully he'd think it was because of the shock of being almost knocked off his feet and having freezing cold cider poured over his head, not because all Vyvyan was doing was putting one hand on him and his entire body could have melted with lust. The bite of the cold made him shiver and his t shirt soaked flat to his chest, nipples instantly hardening as Vyvyan attempted to stroke the worst of it off.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. That was really careless of me wasn't it? Oh come here. Are you alright?"

Rick felt Vyvyan brush away the froth that was still streaming down his front, trying, and failing, to stop any more soaking into his clothes. He realised he should probably say something to break the spellbinding moment, but every time Vyvyan touched him his mind completely blanked. 

"Aw no, you're wet through aren't you? Come with me and let's get you dried off."

He smiled as Vyvyan carried on reguardless of the other man trying eagerly to wrestle him away. Vyvyan was wet too, both his prominent cheekbones shining in perfect wet arcs as streams of cider ran down his neck and into his undone collar. The front of his shirt was saturated and clung to his skin - his pale and flawless, mouthwatering skin.. "It's alright. I'm alright. Are you, alright?" It surprised him that he'd managed to form any words than made sense but Vyvyan's playful and blatent flirtation made him somehow strangely at ease. 

"Oh I'm more than alright, sweetheart. Can I buy you another drink?"

Rick's clothes were now sopping wet, his arms sticky and feet all squelchy in his new boots. He must have looked rediculous.

Those were the thoughts he probably should have been having, but with his glassy eyes fixed on Vyvyan and his strong arms encircling his waist in a very obvious _-back off, you bastard, he's mine-_ gesture, he didn't have a single other thought in his head. It was so hard not to stare at Vyvyan's wet nipple piercing. It took all Rick's concentration to keep focused on his face, and he never thought he'd ever have a problem doing that. Vyvyan stopped suddenly and looked at him again, a hint of a frown furrowing his brow. Rick hoped he hadn't had a sudden change of heart and hadn't finally realised what he was doing. _Oh god, Vyv, please don't stop touching me like that!_

"Sorry, where _are_ my manners! I'll get you that drink. What was it again?"

Rick had meant to say 'No don't worry about it, it doesn't matter,' but in his blind panic that Vyvyan might leave and never do this again, it came out more like...

"Nopleasedontgohonestlyitsfinestay!" 

Whatever it was that he'd said it made Vyvyan smile and with his every step closer blood pounded thick in his ears.

Vyvyan snatched a towel from the bar and handed half of it to him as he dried his hands. Rick could see the side of his face glistening under the strong lights and felt a sharp thump of desire punch him deep in the stomach. Even just holding onto the same towel he could feel their connection; thousands of volts firing through the fabric and down to the very tips of his toes. By now Vyvyan was so close and his blue eyes were that pale he could see his pupils visibly dilate. It was so intense he had to look away. Vyvyan did to.

"So," Vyvyan cleared his throat and used a handful of the towel to dry his arms. Rick could feel the friction as he rubbed the hairs on his forearm and it made the ones on the back of his neck stand straight on end. The crackle of electricity gripped hold of him so hard his hands were rigid and he couldn't let go. "What did you think of the first half?" 

Rick swallowed hard, his mind racing so fast he wasn't in control of what was coming out of his mouth. "I thought it was great, really great," he shivered as another stream of cider ran down his cheek from his hair. He was still wet through but couldn't bring himself to look away long enough to get dry. "Amazing. Really amazing. Thank you."

"It's fine. Glad you approve. Maybe you won't be so insistent on playing that garbage when we get home?" Vyvyan's eyes met his again and Rick felt his breathing get shallower and faster. Vyvyan's voice was suddenly so low it made his legs buckle. "I always love it when I manage to turn someone. I'll make a punk out of you yet. And a cider drinker too," By now the eye contact was so intense Rick was paralysed to the spot. Another slow trickle rolled down his cheek and Vyvyan followed it with a slight stroke of his thumb. Rick stared as he brought his hand to his mouth and slowly sucked it off, "..sweet."

It was quite possibly the sexiest thing Rick had ever seen. His gaze dropped to Vyvyan's exposed chest, the short golden-red hairs all slicked flat and wet, and suddenly he had an overwhelming urge to do more. He'd come this far - been this brave after all, and it would probably be the only time they'd be in this situation and away from the prying eyes at school.

But what was he planning to do, exactly?!

"Vyv, I need to tell you something. You make me feel kind of...funny.." It was a start.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said you make me feel something. Something I absolutely cannot feel. And I don't know why but you make me want to.. you make me really feel like I want to kiss you."

"You what? I can't hear you! Speak up. God, you're bloody annoying!"

He turned his back fully to the other man, who had thankfully got the message, and loosely slung his arms around Vyvyan's neck. "I said you make me want!!" He yelled, stopping in his tracks as Vyvyan leaned in to listen. That was all that needed to be said. Vyvyan made him _want_ like nothing else! When Vyvyan glanced at his lips, Rick had to remind himself to breathe and Vyvyan suddenly leant so close he had to grip the back of his hair. 

They were going to kiss, there was no doubt about it, but Rick couldn't bear his first being shared with everyone else in the pub. 

Maybe it would be better if they went outside in the car park, or until they were back in Mike's car later on? Maybe it would be a better idea if they waited until they were alone together at home and in bed? _Oh god, yes!_

Vyvyan didn't give him a chance to decide.

Dry parted lips brushed slightly against his and Rick quickly took over before he could talk himself out of it. This was happening now whether it was a good idea or not! It was now or flipping never! He clung to Vyvyan's open shirt and pushed his mouth on his. 

It was barely an open mouthed kiss at first, like neither dared to move or make a sound incase it scared the other away. And by the time Vyvyan had hungrily deepened the kiss there was no one else in the room. Rick's hands were already roaming over his back, dropping down to his bum and squeezing his thighs as Vyvyan continued to groan against his tongue. 

It might have been his first date and the first time he'd ever had a real taste of alcohol, but Rick already knew he preferred that taste much more when it was being so thoroughly kissed into his mouth like this.


	8. Looking Back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your lovely messages about this fic. Been on holiday but back now so sorry for late update. Bit of a long chapter but I couldn't bare to cut it down. Thanks for reading :)

Vyvyan was eight the first time it happened; his first ever kiss with a boy, completely out of the blue during another boring day at a new primary school, and he had no one to teach him what to do. 

The gorgeous blonde - Jamie, he'd heard one of the teachers yell - had been playing hard to get all morning, glancing up through the swish of his soft fringe with a stupid grin on his face as he dashed past him again towards the football. Like butter wouldn't melt on that pink tongue of his that he stopped and stuck out invitingly. 

"Can't catch me, Vyvyan!" 

The ball was booted at his shins with a clout, and, like a red flag to a bull, Vyvyan couldn't resist the challenge. He wanted to ask what the hell he'd been playing at and force him to leave him alone, but by the time he'd caught up and wrestled him breathlessly to the gravel all that furious rage disappeared.

Jamie offered half his lunch in gracious defeat and Vyvyan gladly ate it with gusto, spending longer than strictly necessary tending the various wounds he'd made and sticking plasters over each graze at his knees. 

"I got blood on your jeans, am s-sorry.." 

"S'alright, don't worry. Used to it. Does that hurt?" 

"Ow! Stop it! Don't.." 

"Well you started it! Here, gimme your hand.."

"I just wanted to talk to you. You looked sad all by yourself. Wow! You're really strong.." 

He couldn't remember who'd been brave enough to make the first move, and somehow all that stuff didn't matter, but Jamie had leant close and then Vyvyan even closer before his jittery nerves got the better of him. He hadn't remembered much of what happened after that either, except the lingering press of lips and sharp taste of shared apple juice as they giggled and raced each other back to class.

He and Jamie had been inseparable ever since; rolling around fighting boisterously at lunchtime and having sleepovers at the weekend - until one day his mother had taken him out of school early and had told him they were moving away.

"But, I c-can't. Please, mum, pleeeeease don't make me! I like it here!"

"Oh don't be difficult, please, Vyvyan. No one likes a crybaby.." 

He managed to bite his quivering lip and hold in the volcano of tears until he'd locked himself safe in his bedroom, reminded again of his mother's harsh words as he rushed into the arms of Jamie's favourite Spiderman hoodie and sobbed mindlessly into the sleeves. 

That same night, when he was left alone in their new house with only the ache of his memories for company, Vyvyan had cried himself to sleep, vowing it would be the first and only time he would allow anyone close enough to hurt him again.

He never cared much for school after that.

Looking back, the attraction to Jamie hadn't really been sexual back then - all that would come later growing up - it was more of an affirmation that he'd been right all along and would only seek that closeness with boys. The blissed-out contentment he felt when Jamie got scared of the thumping screech of his mother's loud punk records and he'd innocently comfort him in his bed was just... there, it was never a choice he had to make, and knowing those feelings were out of his hands, even then, would probably spare him years of confusion. Despite how much he missed his best friend, Vyvyan already knew he was one of the lucky ones.

"Mmmhstop!"

The surprisingly loud yelp made Vyvyan jump and he leapt from Rick's soft lips like a catapult, scared that he'd been stupid and misjudged the situation and utterly terrified by how familiar it felt. The soles of his boots were sticking to the floor like glue but his head remained in the clouds and his mind back in the playground as if he could still feel the chill of that cool autumn breeze and that same prickle of goosebumps down his spine. In that brief second Vyvyan didn't care if Rick looked just as terrified, he had no right to kiss him like that! He hadn't thought about Jamie in _years.._ "What's the matter? Did I do something - wrong?"

"No you didn't. Of course you didn't! It was really, really - Oh god, I was right, look over there! Those boys are in your year at school. And dont look!"

"Oh is that all." Vyvyan sighed, tempted to lick out at the sweet taste on his chin and make a new memory of it but he shrugged the idea away. It was far to soppy.

"No, you don't understand! I need to leave - we need to leave now! Can we watch from somewhere else, please!"

"Yer, alright. Don't know why you're so bothered. They won't be looking at you anyway.." 

Vyvyan reached down and grabbed Rick's hand - both palms cementing together in the stickiness, and pulled him away from their audience. Rick didn't know how he managed to get down the steps at all in once piece coz he was pretty sure he was still walking on air. He gripped into Vyvyan's knuckles (for balance if the urgency was questioned, it wasn't) as they made their way through the crowd, not trusting his head not to drift out through the nearest exit as his body started to ease back to earth. Vyvyan booted open the door to the men's toilets and bundled him inside and suddenly what they'd been doing in plain sight in the middle of the entire bar was so wild and ridiculous Rick couldn't hold in his giggle. "Phew, that was a close one, wasn't it? That certainly told him! I mean, I think that gave the other bloke the message, don't you?" 

Vyvyan grinned at Rick's unnerving smile in the reflection of the mirror, trying not to stare down at the rest of him as he slowly tore his eyes away. "I'd say so, yeah. Well that ought to do the trick," he helplessly giggled too, "I'm almost sorry I interrupted the pair of you. What did he say to you?"

"He asked me if I came here often. I just said no. Terrible chat up line really. And the drink he bought me was dis-gusting! A baby... something?? It tasted more like washing up liquid to me. He smelled really bad too, the kind of aftershave my dad wears. Urgh, gross! Are people always so.. handsy.. in here? It's so oppressive!"

"It's Baby _cham_ , you idiot, and you'll get used to it." Vyvyan corrected under his breath, his grin wide and beaming regardless of his effort to reign it in, "and yeah they can be sometimes.." he made a quick mental note never to wear Old Spice around Rick - not that he'd ever sink so low, not able to hide his amusement as Rick visibly cringed and scrubbed his hands clean in the sink. He couldn't afford all that stupid stuff anyway; girly shower gel, poncey bubblebath and the like we're all more Rick's department than his, but thankfully he was still stood close enough to him to smell the soapy concoction he'd used that morning from the endless row of bottles alphabetically lined up in their shower. Rick hadn't bolted out the door yet like he'd somehow imagined he would after kissing him... not that he'd imagined that senario ever happening for real in his wildest dreams... Anyway, whatever it was Rick smelled of, the scent was all over him: on his hands, in the corners of his mouth, flooding every damn taste bud on his tongue, and Vyvyan promptly locked himself in a toilet cubicle before he stuck his head under the tap or threw his next pint in his face to drown it out. He'd wasted enough cider tonight as it was. Obviously, Rick hadn't meant to kiss him like he had, not seriously anyway. It was obviously just some sort of game-playing tactic to ward off the other blokes advances; to literally get him off his back. And as he leapt up and sat himself down on the cistern, quickly lighting a desperate cigarette, he'd got the message loud and clear. Dammit! He should have known better.

"Thanks for playing along back there and coming to my rescue. You soaked me wet through by the way, Vyv. But thank you."

"It's fine. You're worth saving." It was barely a sound.

"What?"

"I said you owe me a pint!" Vyvyan let his head fall back against the tiles and exhaled thickly. It was probably for the best that they'd stopped so abruptly. If he'd snogged Rick any longer he wouldn't have been able to and they were already getting pretty carried away. Even if his shirt was saturated to his skin, his stomach ached with longing, and he'd done the one thing he told himself he absolutely wouldn't do, Vyvyan couldn't think of anything more perfect than kissing Rick, and he didn't care if the whole world had seen them.

Rick was still rambling on and although he couldn't understand a word of it, Vyvyan couldn't help but smile. This time it hadn't been a dream. Everyone around them had witnessed Rick's body pressing against his, his hand groping his bum and his other twisting in the back of his hair even if it wasn't real. They would have to only imagine what Rick had been doing with his tongue at that point but Vyvyan wasn't going to forget it in a hurry. All too soon the kiss had ended and Vyvyan had found himself gaping down at Rick, who looked just as flustered with red, wet and swollen lips and that look of utter bewilderment on his face. In that split second of heady realisation everything became clear.

Regret?

Dead silence.

What the bloody hell had he done?!

Vyvyan's first _proper_ sexual encounter had happened much later in life, and this time it wasn't an innocent fight in the playground - where he'd randomly beat some boy to a pulp, secretly longing for the grip of their strong arms around him and the weight of a male body on his. It wasn't a sweet kiss on the lips like Jamie, or an awkward fumble in the locker room either - where he'd find himself alone in the showers with someone willing to 'experiment' quite happily but who would shove him away as soon as he made them come. This time it was a full on bruising kiss with tongues and bites of teeth that made him more aroused than ever. And although it wasn't nearly as bone-melting as the snog he'd experienced moments ago on the dance floor, he suddenly remembered every detail of it as if it was yesterday. 

Vyvyan made a point of hiding himself away by the time he got to secondary school, too scared to get attached to any of the other kids and still too angry about the past to even begin to make friends with them. He didn't care if he _was_ lonely. He never lived in one place long enough for it to matter.

The climbing frame in the playground at Pocklington High made a decent enough hiding place from the world. It was one of the ones that had numerous slides and tunnels, providing adequate shelter at night when he'd have screaming rows with his mother and she'd kick him out on the street. Other boys would often sleep rough there, too, but Vyvyan didn't mind sharing as long as they left well alone. This secret place was perfect for getting into all kinds of mischief, and he soon fell in with that crowd.

He couldn't recall who had been there that particular night - it had been too dark to see very far at the time, but all too late he'd felt that familiar rush, snared helpless in the headlights of that smile. 

"Hey, carrot-top, ain't you too young to be out here at this time of night? Hadn't you better run home to yer mummy?"

Vyvyan shrugged at the snide comment but held the older boys gaze. There was just something about it. "No. My mum's working so she's probably too busy robbing your house to care where I am. Don't worry about me, I can handle myself. Gimme a drag of that cigarette and I won't have to show you.."

"Ha! Nice one, kid. I'd like to see you try!"

"Try me.." The boy had gulped and forced a fake laugh when Vyvyan had squared up to him but jabbed him on the shoulder with one of his cigarettes, pulling his leather jacket around each of their heads as shelter as Vyvyan pretended he knew how to light it.

"You're crazy! I like it. Here, have a drag of this one. That's it. Deeper. Yeah like that. And come closer or you're gonna get soaked." By then, Vyvyan hadn't noticed it was raining. "You're that boy who loves a scrap, aren't you? Heard about you in detention. Vyvyan is it? I'm Billy - Balowski, your mum knows my uncle I think.."

He nodded, glad his reputation had preceded him as he stared into those piercing eyes and inhaled so deeply he gasped and heaved for air. Hearing this, the other boys around them scoffed something about being bored and had left them to it. But Vyvyan couldn't move as Billy slowly rubbed his back.

"Take it easy. You don't have to smoke it all in one. I've got plenty. How old are you, kid?"

"Old enough!" Vyvyan said, knowing Billy would probably see through the lie and send him on his way, but he hadn't seemed that bothered about his lack of experience when he'd sheltered him under his arm and leaned in for a snog, or when Vyvyan had smoked all of the strange tasting cigarette and turned a lurid shade of green.

"Well however old you are, you can't stay here all night, you'll freeze to death." Billy put his hands on his bare arms and for once Vyvyan was glad his mother had never bothered to buy him a winter coat.

"I'm fine. Do that again." Vyvyan had then taken it upon himself to kiss Billy again, so sudden and with so much force the welcoming feeling of stubble hurt his face.

"Ha! Knew it. I knew you were. Fucking nutter! Wanna come back to mine?"

Vyvyan wasn't sure what for but he nodded anyway.

"Ever had Thunderbird before?"

He was thrown a warm bottle of cider and another dazzling grin as they entered Billy's run-down bedsit and he was pulled down on the mattress.

"No, never tried it."

That bit hadn't been a lie. Vyvyan had never had any type of alcohol before. After all, he was only thirteen years old.

"Go on, get that all down you. That's it. We'll soon have you warmed up."

The room was pitch black, lit only occasionally with the flick of a lighter and the beam of a passing car through the slats of the boarded window, and when all the bottles of cider lay empty and drunk, Vyvyan had warmed up a treat. Billy stretched out beside him and rested his hand on his hip as they huddled together for their last cigarette and he was suddenly too excited to carry on being nervous.

"So, you ever done it?"

"Done what?"

"Had a shag."

Fantastic!

"Yeah. Loads! I'm no virgin!" Vyvyan blushed furiously but thankfully it was too dark to tell. 

"Right, course you're not. Ever sucked someone off?"

"Yeah." Vyvyan stared at the wavy outline of the face next to his and tried to focus, not wanting to appear too drunk or too uncool, or even worse; this utterly ravenous for attention. He'd never gone that far before, but surely it couldn't be that difficult..

"Wanna have a go now then?"

He was far too desperate to give it much thought as he mashed lips with the stranger and yanked his jeans around his knees. "Okay. I'll even do it twice.. if you let me stay the night.." He hadn't given Billy chance to answer his plea as he shoved him on his back and shuffled down between his legs but had heard him groan something like:

"Urgh christ, kid! You're a fucking natural!"

His head was swimming and he couldn't remember having to move his mouth that much at all - it hadn't lasted long enough for him to make notes for future reference and the room was beginning to spin, but what he had managed to lick and swallow without gagging seemed adequate enough to get the job done. "So - can I stay?"

"Mmm, you can stay. Fuck me, I'm definitely keeping you! Go to sleep now, huh.."

He sprawled out comfortably, numb and happy and so relaxed for the first time in weeks that the sweet hits of alcoholic breath on his neck made him sleepy, yet despite Billy's cool tattoos and piercings, that Vyvyan realised he was probably too young to get done legally, he'd also realised by morning that he hadn't been as attracted to him as he first thought, not really, yet it had been a hell of a lot easier than having to fight for a bed. Sex hurt more than he imagined it would too, but it got easier every time and he was far from being discouraged. It wasn't all bad. He just bit his lip, gritted his teeth and got on with it regardless. Because no one liked a crybaby.. 

Having sex got him the attention he craved, usually not for very long, but it would do, and there was always lots of other boys when the one he was with got boring. The notes for his mum from his teachers; _Tell Vyvyan he must stop kissing the boys!_ only fell on deaf ears as he set fire to them. Most kids his age didn't have a clue how the world worked, but Vyvyan was nothing like them. He was already doing what all the grownups did. All he had to do was have regular sex - which was hardly a chore - and he could have all the cigarettes and alcohol he wanted. Barely a teenager and he already knew how to play the game.

Brilliant!

He hadn't survived more than three months at that school before he and his mother had relocated again. And it was a bloody good job the car had broke down on the way or he would never have met Mike when he did. Mike wasn't all that much older but he was a proper adult, with a proper flat and a proper car that wasn't stolen like any of his mothers. Mike actually used his cooker for more than lighting his cigarettes off of too, and he let him stay on his sofa bed whenever he wanted, never expecting anything from him in return except his honest opinion on his bloody criminal dress sense. Things were looking up for the first time in his life, and then this geeky little bastard had come along and flung his entire world into orbit! 

"What the ruddy heck have I done?!" Rick tried to breathe slowly as he leant on the sink and pushed his fingers in the front of his hair, spiking the strands that had gone all frizzy in the cloying heat of the dance floor and smoothing them back carefully so as not to disrupt the tracks Vyvyan's fingers had left behind in the gel.

He had really - actually really, gone and kissed Vyvyan - who was his 'off limits' roomate, he reminded himself, the only friend he'd made in a very long time, and a boy! Worse than that, he'd liked it. He tutted. He'd liked it a lot. His mum would never understand and his dad would be furious, but Rick took another deep breath, fogging his panicked reflection in the mirror and decided to do what he imagined every sexually confused teenager would do in this situation: never ever think about it ever _ever_ again! "Are you okay?" He asked again and yet again there was no reply. "Vyvyan..?" He gripped the rim of the sink and breathed slowly again. He'd obviously had way too much to drink to have dared to do it in the first place. He'd had an entire pint of cider for Cliff's sake! Vyvyan was only doing him a favor. There were a ton of boys in here that Vyvyan could have kissed if he so wanted who all felt the same as he did. He couldn't possibly have meant it in that way whatsoever..

"But what if.."

"What on earth are you mumbling on about? Come on, I really need a drink. The band's second half is about to start and I don't want to miss it."

Vyvyan crashed the cubicle door open and flicked his cigarette in the sink and Rick carried on staring at him for some kind of reassurance that he wasn't actually losing his mind. Vyvyan didn't so much as look over in his direction as he rinsed the cider off his hands and he couldn't help but be genuinely disappointed despite giving himself a telling off. It hadn't been more than five minutes since his own hands had been all over him and now the distance between them was massive. "Where were you just then?"

"Erm, in the bathroom stall.."

Rick stared at Vyvyan's confused expression, at the slight crease in his brow that deepened whenever he frowned. It made Vyvyan appear permanently angry but Rick knew that was far from the case. Vyvyan hadn't been angry at all tonight. He'd been strangely placid and dare he even say it; extremely pleasant to be around.. "No, I meant when we were out there. Before. You looked like you were miles away. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. It's fine. Why wouldn't it be? And anyway, how do you know how I looked? Do you always go around snogging people with your eyes open?"

 _Shit!_ "No. Well, yes, but, I haven't. I've never.. oh god, you know don't you?"

"What? That you'd never kissed anyone before you decided to ram your tongue down my throat? No. I dunno what you're talking about."

"You, but, you kissed me!" Rick gasped, his heart suddenly roaring back into action at Vyvyan's knowing smile. It made him want to grab him and snog that stupid grin off his practically perfect face! Vyvyan finished washing his hands and reached for a wad of paper towels and Rick continued to stare.

"Well I seem to remember you kissing me back."

"So if I was to kiss you again?"

As soon as Rick said it, Vyvyan was almost hyper aware that Rick had stepped closer and he hadn't moved away. He should back off now, but he doesn't. He can't. It's as if they're both waiting for it; for permission, he thinks. He turns his head and looks at Rick and Rick is already looking at him, at his lips. He turns towards him fully, edging ever so slightly closer, and Rick's heart begins to thunder in his chest. He mirrors Vyvyan's movement until there's only inches between them. Vyvyan's lips are slightly parted, his nose almost nudging his own but stopping just shy of touching it, and it's so ruddy infuriating!

They're going to kiss again. They're too close for this to be anything else and they're alone this time so it can't be fake, Vyvyan thinks. He should stop it. He _should. _It's too late, though. Rick had given him the chance to duck away, make an excuse of it and laugh it off, but Vyvyan hasn't taken it. He feels dizzy, giddy, the closeness of Rick pulling him in like a magnet until his eyes drift closed again and he's pulled down on his lips. It's even more gentle than before, instantly the most intimate-feeling kiss that Vyvyan has ever felt in his life and every thought of should vs shouldn't disappears as forgotten emotion surges through him like a searing electric charge, flooding his brain and his skin and his guts all at once. He grabs Rick and lifts him up on the edge of the sink, standing between his legs and ignoring the deep wanton groan in his mouth as soft hands smooth his shoulders and he's pulled even closer. In that instant Vyvyan knows he's never been more attracted to anyone as much as he is to Rick. The bastard!__

__Rick's legs spread wider almost of their own accord and he feels Vyvyan eagerly fill the gap between them. He feels everything all over him at once as their tongues stroke together and the sheer amount of emotion is overwhelming. For once he's glad that he'd never known what kissing was like until now coz he can't imagine it being any more perfect than this. He throws himself into it eagerly, bringing his palms to Vyvyan's jaw almost instinctively and Vyvyan makes a sound of such passion that he has to force his eyes closed. It's so beautiful, completely and utterly glorious, but right on cue his dad's face appears in his head like a ghost, his eyes seething, eyebrows arched and unimpressed. Knowing that he really _does_ want Vyvyan, in every single sexual way possible, is terrifying, and he can see the future disappointment even now; his parents disgust, their shame, his guilt. It pours over him, putting out his burning lust like a bucket of ice water to the face and he breaks the kiss suddenly, his breath still heaving against Vyvyan's wet lips. "I'm sorry," he gasped, "I'm so sorry, I can't. Oh god, Vyv, please don't.."_ _

__"But.."_ _

__"God, you're so sexy and I really do want to.. but I can't, I'm not, I can't feel this way. Oh god, please don't hate me!"_ _

__"I don't hate you, Rick.."_ _

__"Can we be friends. I really need a friend. Please, Vyv."_ _

__"Shh, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah, we can." Vyvyan stroked Rick's soft jaw and before he had chance to reluctantly manoeuvre out of the grip of his impressive thighs, the toilet door slammed open and the boys Rick had stared at by the bar burst in, still attempting to devour each other whole._ _

__"Oh, sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here.."_ _

__"It's alright, we were just going. Go for it."_ _

__Vyvyan took a step back in an attempt to cool off and Rick eased himself down from the sink. "I think I wanna go home. We've both got classes tomorrow and I think it's time for bed, Vyvyan."_ _

__"Hmm, took the thought right out of my mind!"_ _

__"Vyv!"_ _

__"It must be great to have a bed." One of the boys interrupted, quickly undoing the other's shirt. "You're lucky. We only just met this evening. It's all kicking off out there on the dance floor, be careful."_ _

__"I'm starting to think we've only just met too." Vyvyan sighed as Rick grabbed hold of his hand again. He could definitely get used to seeing this side of him. Rick wasn't nearly as shy and awkward as he'd first thought he was. And, for fuck's sake, he was a fucking good kisser! "Stay behind me."_ _

__"Alright." The music was loud but the blood pounding in Rick's ears from his rapid fire pulse was deafening. He gripped Vyvyan's hand as the gap between them got bigger in the aftermath of the fight. Vyvyan turned and squeezed his fingers in his, pulling him right up close until Rick was flat against his back. Rick stared at the nape of his neck and wet hairline and wondered how much better the cider would taste if it was licked off of it. Still in his daydream, he hadn't noticed the bouncers in front had stopped to throw someone out until it was his turn to bump into Vyvyan, with every damned inch of his body. His chest smacked into Vyvyan's shoulder blades, the full - fantastic curve of Vyvyan's bum nestled his pelvic bone and his flagging erection pressed hard in the back of Vyvyan's thigh._ _

__"Fuck!" Vyvyan instantly tightened his grip as Rick's hot breath flooded against his back. Rick was hard. Extremely hard. And he couldn't do a thing about it!_ _

__Two layers of clothes and about three seconds of body contact and Rick felt such a strong pulse of desire it made his knees buckle. He automatically reached for the nearest thing to steady himself and clenched tight to Vyvyan's belt. Bad move? Good move? Before he could decide, Vyvyan put his free hand ontop of his, moulding it snug around his hipbone and, oh god, was Vyvyan actually starting to writhe back against his crotch?! The warmth bleeding through the cold, sodden denim of his jeans was only making him harder still as he clung to Vyvyan's hip and ever so slightly rolled their hips together. No one would even know they were touching, let alone almost grinding, but right now Rick couldn't care if they did. If Vyvyan touched him one more time he would come right there and then. "Vyv.."_ _

__"Hmm?"_ _

__Rick's heart was still hammering as Vyvyan leant back against his cheek, literally a stroke of a tongue away as he turned his head to listen. This was, without question, the most erotic moment of his life, yet they'd stupidly agreed to be friends, hadn't they? "It doesn't matter."_ _

__When Vyvyan had spotted Mike and his date in the queue for coats and they'd made their way back to the car, the almost dry-humping each other in the crowd moment had passed. Glancing at Rick as he walked with his head down and his hands huddled under his arms, Vyvyan wasn't sure if it had really happened at all or if was just his imagination. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd had dreams like that._ _

__"You have a good night boys?" Mike asked as Vyvyan leapt into the back seat. Rick followed him as usual._ _

__"Yeah. Really good, wasn't it Rick?"_ _

__"Yeah, great night." Rick felt dangerous. That was the only word for it. It was dangerous even sitting next to Vyvyan like this. Like the floodgates had opened, Pandora's box had been smashed wide apart and he wasn't sure if either of them wanted it closed again. He spent most of the journey back to school absentmindedly staring out the window as the bustle of town turned into a mass of empty greenery, still nervously making conversation and trying not to think about how close Vyvyan's hand was as it rested next to his on the car seat._ _

__Vyvyan smoked endlessly, pretending not to notice Mike's eyebrow shooting up his forehead in the rearview mirror every time Rick called him _Vyv.__ _

__"I'll see ya tomorrow about your car then, Vyv!"_ _

__"Yeah alright. Whatever. Thanks for the lift." He replied, slamming the door closed before Mike had chance to tease him any further. He had far too much on his mind to rise to any more of his embarrassing sarcasm._ _

__Once safely back indoors, Rick dashed to the bathroom to get into his pyjamas, taking his time getting ready for bed in the hope that Vyvyan would be asleep when he'd finished. He spent ten minutes longer than usual brushing his teeth and tongue, trying to erase the memories of the night despite not really wanting to._ _

__"You gonna be much longer in there or what?"_ _

__"No. You can come in if you want.."_ _

__Rick gargled and splashed his face with cold water but it was still burning with heat as Vyvyan's eyes remained on him from the doorway for what seemed like an eternity. It was probably only a few seconds but it was too much. Rick needed more of them like this, he was certain of it. He just wanted to pause everything until he could regain control and stop being so flustered. Being friends with Vyvyan was fine for now. It would have to be. That was until Vyvyan turned towards him and started unbuttoning his wet shirt._ _


	9. In The Stars.

"Thangths for tonight," Rick said with a slightly over-pronounced lisp, his eyeline dipping visibly each time Vyvyan's fingers manage to work open a button. He spat in the sink, still with an unavoidable grin on his face, "I wheeally enjoyed it."

"You wheely did what?"

Rick snorted, choking back a minty gust of toothpaste. "I didn't say wheely! I said _wheeally!_ " He said, throwing his toothbrush in the beaker alongside the other without averting his gaze.

"Yeah, that's what I said. Wheely. Sounds like you're having trouble rolling your tongue around your 'R's."

"Around my what?! Ohh, you mean the letter! Erm, yeah.. It doesn't help when my name starts with one either. Thanks for pointing that out." Rick tutted, trying his best to correctly pronounce each word for once and to finally stop staring at Vyvyan's bare chest. This time it wasn't his fault he was stuttering - tripping over each syllable, and it wasn't because his mouth was full of foamy toothpaste or coz he'd been drinking alcohol either. Spending the evening so close to the boy he was becoming sexually obsessed with had been amazing but right now he had never been so excruciatingly turned on in his life, and he didn't have a clue what to do about it!

"Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. I kinda like the way you talk. Okay, so you sound like an eight year old girl most of the time, but your voice is kinda nice when it's not screeching."

Rick stared, open-mouthed. Was that a compliment? Or an insult? Or both? Wow, there was definitely a compliment in there somewhere.. "What I meant to say - if you let me finish - was that I really enjoyed it. The band I mean! Not the other bit.. Well actually I did enjoy the other bit, but, erm.. Anyway, thanks for taking me with you this time." Vyvyan appeared to wait until he'd taken his wet shirt off before he replied, much to Rick's delight and burning embarrassment when he recalls where the tracks of his hands had been on him; one on the soft join of a wet neck and shoulder and the other warmed in the heat of that hair..

"Not a problem. Have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised. You'll have to tag along with me more often, y'know, if you want to? Um, you finished? Can I use the bathroom now?"

"Yeah, yes. Sorry. Yes. I'll leave you to, y'know, get the rest of your clothes off and stuff -" Vyvyan tossed his shirt in the corner towards the bath and Rick grabbed the brief opportunity to close his eyes and curse under his breath. _Blimey,_ What the ruddy hell was he blabbering on about?! He should leave. He should walk out of the bathroom and close the door behind him. Leave Vyvyan to it. Do something to break the tension? Move out of his way at least?!

Still unable to concentrate on anything but the flawless canvas in front of him, Rick took an unsure step closer, bracing himself on the velvet softness of strong shoulders, reached onto his tiptoes and kissed Vyvyan chastely on the cheek, forcing himself to walk through the doorway and into their bedroom.

Vyvyan waited until the door had closed-to in the latch before glancing at his reflection and head-butting the mirror.

He was so, so utterly fucked!

After splashing cold water in his face, he turned off the light, his eyes seeking Rick immediately in the dull glimmer from his bedside. He could hear voices across the hall; the boys in Rick's class, having another heated debate and slamming every one of their doors. He didn't feel like shouting at them tonight. He didn't feel much like arguing at all anymore. "Mind if I have a smoke? I can open a window.."

"No, it's okay."

When Rick's placid breaths in the bed parallel to his own mingle with the enthusiastic sounds of the fight it's all suddenly too much and Vyvyan desperately needed air.

He thrusts the window open, angles his body to face his 'friend,' leaning one hip against the wall while his upper body leans outside and lights the cigarette in his mouth, taking drag after drag just to drown out the silence.

"Vyv?" 

_Fuck! Please don't, Rick! Pleease just go straight to sleep so I don't have to look at you.._

"Vyvyan?"

"Yeah?" He takes a massive gulp on the cigarette end and it still isn't enough when Rick scrambles out of bed and joins him at the window. Vyvyan automatically glances at his arms in his flannelette pyjamas as they fold next to his, the stuck up collar of the shirt framing his cheeks and the bottoms, untied yet hugging the full curve of his hips - better suited for the pages of a filthy magazine than wasted here at this boring old school..

"Doesn't matter.."

Aware he's a bit fuzzy from the countless vodkas, Vyvyan allows himself to smile at that. Something about seeing Rick out of his element, away from the dreariness of these halls and amongst the harsh landscape of London was nice. Rick had fitted in better than he imagined he would in that world.. so maybe it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to fit well in his? "Uh, the moon is too bright here!" It comes out of nowhere and he frowns at himself, squints, flicks ash on the window ledge below as his eyes roam over the night sky. Here, away from the lights and bustle of the city, the dark stretches out all around them for miles and he takes a deep, contented breath.

Rick watches this weird transformation with interest and tries to file away this new expression of Vyvyan's for later. He's calmer and more relaxed than Rick has probably ever seen him and it's his turn to shudder and blame the night chill. "You like the night, don't you? You prefer it?" He asks and Vyvyan hums in agreement, his jaw hardly bothering to form around the sound. "Why?" Vyvyan's eyes flick to his momentarily and then slide back up to the sky.

"Spent a lot of time alone outside at night. You get used to it." Vyvyan offers a bit stiffly and Rick understands the tone. He recognises the sound of shutters going down and several defensive walls going up only too well so he takes the hint and doesn't push his luck. Vyvyan never talks about himself, or any of his childhood, but Rick has long suspected that it wasn't a very happy one. He knows Vyvyan is an only child, as is he, yet instead of being the spoilt apple of his mother's eye the only thing he'd inherited from her was her excessive drinking habits. He'd also suspected that his step father was a mean drunk, with Vyvyan suffering the brunt of his moods. He'd probably spent many nights outside, waiting for it to be safe to sneak back into his own bed. Rick feels an unfamiliar ache in his chest thinking of Vyvyan so lonely and, however illogical, has the sudden urge to hug him and show him that he isn't by himself. Wasn't that what friends were supposed to do? He didn't know for sure, but his arms have ceased clutching the windowsill and hang loose by his sides at the thought. He wants to touch Vyvyan again, wants to reach out and sling his arm around his shoulder and grab hold of his hand, let him know that there's someone with him in the dark and he doesn't have to be lonely anymore, but Vyvyan would more than likely call him a puff for that and probably wouldn't appreciate something so sentimental.

He contemplates taking his hand and giving it a brief squeeze, like he'd seen plenty of people do sometimes when they're trying to reassure someone that everything is going to be alright. As his eyes drift over his chest, coated with soft hair and rising and falling steadily, he realizes that an arm or hand isn't enough. What he truly wants is to kiss Vyvyan again, strip him out of those jeans and drag him into his bed. He takes a step forward and unexpectedly yawns and when Vyvyan glances towards him he ignores his plan. It was a stupid idea anyway, he thinks, focusing outwards at the sky, hoping Vyvyan wouldn't take the yawn as a sign of his boredom, coz that couldn't have been further from the truth. "I've always been more of a morning person. I don't usually stay up this late, I'm not allowed, but I like it, it's sort of nice. Peaceful.." Vyvyan's eyes dart back to his and he swallows, looking slightly embarrassed. Neither of them are used to having someone to talk to but he suspects Vyvyan is particularly new to it.

Vyvyan gives him a small, genuine smile and a nod of encouragement as Rick clears his throat and returns his gaze. Oh _god_ he was so blimmin' gorgeous. "Orion!"

"What?!"

"Right there," Rick breathes, tracing lines in the air. "The constellation of Orion. Those three are his belt," he says, sweeping a finger across a sagging line of three brighter stars. "And there's his shield..."

Vyvyan cranes his neck expectedly but sees nothing except for maybe a small spattering of silver pinpricks in the blackness. "Where _do_ you get all this philosophical garbage from?" He giggles, exhaling a gust of smoke through Rick's excited line of vision. Rick tuts.

"Science. And it's not garbage, it's actually rather beautiful! My teacher is really cool.."

"Rick! You're the only person I've ever met who has ever used the words 'teacher' and 'cool' in the same sentence. Honestly, I take you out to a fantastic bar and get you completely wasted and you come home and start quoting some ancient, pathetic moron!" Vyvyan gazes at Rick bathed in the soft moonlight as he studies the stars. He's much more open and way more profound than he'd ever given him credit for and he has to look away again to compose himself. Once again, as he hangs out of the window smoking like he had countless times before, the only thing remotely beautiful and worth staring at was Rick. This revelation makes a warmth creep through his insides. Even through the thick fabric of Rick's stupidly sexy pyjamas he can feel the proximity of their shoulders. They aren't exactly touching but they might as well be, and it's fucking agony! "Fuck! I'm too old for this!"

A jolt of fear shoots suddenly through Rick's stomach and down to the soles of his feet. He knew this day would come eventually but he isn't ready for it yet. Obviously Vyvyan feels too old to be hanging around with someone like him, and it had only taken one night for him to notice the age gap. Rick could hardly blame him. Compared to the boisterous lifestyle Vyvyan had left behind, he was nothing more than a child. He was pretty sure there was nothing cool about wanting to stay sober all the time and going to bed early, watching factual documentaries on television and reciting facts that he'd learned at school. Vyvyan was right; he _was_ a square..

"I mean all this pretending!" Vyvyan interrupts, his voice harsh with frustration. "I can't keep pretending that I want to be friends with you, Rick. I don't have _friends!_ " he says the word like it disgusts him and Rick's insides twist up in fear. "Uh, it's just too bloody hard!"

"Vyv?" It's all he can manage to say, the simple name that he utters whenever he's confused or in awe, excited, frustrated, angry or lost like this - the name that now has a trembling hitch to it; a plea for mercy.

"I was thinking maybe I should move out, ask if they have a bed available in my block yet, but, I dunno.."

This was it. This was all Rick was ever going to get; one night and two slow, amazing kisses he was pretty sure would stay with him forever before Vyvyan got bored of him and moved on to someone else. Rick doesn't allow himself to dwell on his words for now. If that was true and Vyvyan wanted to leave then surely he had one more chance while he was still here.. After all, there's no use worrying about breaking what's already broken..

Before his mind has time to resist again, his mouth is pressing on Vyvyan's, the sensation of it bursting in his gut and across his lips; the chill from the others cooled by the night air, contrasting with the warm and wet gust of breath from Vyvyan's startled gasp.

Rick wastes no time plunging his tongue in his mouth, hungrily kissing, urgently tasting, aware that any moment Vyvyan is going to push him away in anger or perhaps in disgust. But at least he'd have the red-hot memory of this if he can't have the real thing..

Vyvyan's brain rushes at the flavour of Rick, his taste buds exploding like a wine connoisseur; the sharp edge of spearmint toothpaste, the warmth of the tea he'd brewed and left by his bed, the slightly creaminess of milk and something so uniquely Rick that he feels like leaping out of the window and sprinting away. He growls in frustration and Rick answers with a sound that causes him to bite down on Rick's lip while painful need shivers through his whole entire system. "Bastard!" He jumps, flicks the cigarette out of the window and shakes the ash from his burnt thumb, shoving Rick away in the process.

"S-sorry.."

"Christ, you coulda give me some warning! Are you trying to ambush me?" Vyvyan blushed, his voice husky and hand stinging from the burn, and Rick cringes, the waves of guilt crashing over him for having thoroughly tainted any of their last and precious memories together.

"Sorry, I-I wasn't thinking.. " Rick stammered, "I didn't mean it like that -" another lie. "That was.." incredible, "Look, I just don't want you to leave, alright?! I was desperate.."

"You could have just said. You didn't have to- " Vyvyan leans forward and breathes Rick in for a moment although he doesn't want to. He wants to push him away, before he gets pushed. End this now before he gets hurt again. Sacrifice his own desire to save Rick from the wreckage that is his meaningless existence! But the thought of leaving now is already enough to make him nauseous and the ache of watching Rick so distraught violently churns up the alcohol in his stomach. Rick's sad eyes demolish him in ways he hadn’t thought possible. "We're just so.. different, that's all. It was only a suggestion. I won't go if you don't want." He says, his voice drowned out by the rush of his humming pulse in his ears.

Caught in the moment of relief, Rick's eyes settle on Vyvyan's pale neck under the glow of the moon and he fights with the animalistic need to taste it, to lick it, roll his tongue all over and bite it! "Of course I don't want. You said we could be friends!" Rick closes his eyes and licks his bitten lip. He had tried. He really had. Because wanting to snog his friend against the lockers, wanting to grab his arse whenever they passed each other in the school yard, and wanting Vyvyan to take him to bed and thoroughly tear him apart every time they went to sleep together was wrong. Very wrong. Vyvyan clearly didn't want him like that and why on earth should he? Vyvyan was perfect, with his stunning body, his deep voice and his fiery temper - doing and saying exactly as he pleased, making the rest of the boys cower in fear, and he was just plain, boring Rick. So he had really tried to ignore that fire in his belly whenever their eyes met, because maybe if he didn’t acknowledge it, if he didn't wallow in this stupid crush and didn't admit it, it would pass. But it hadn't. After finally battling with his nerves enough to kiss him like he had it had become a million times worse. And what the heck was he supposed to do now?

"Okay, alright fine. Have it your way then. Bed?" Vyvyan said, glowing scarlet in seconds, "our own beds I mean, fuck, this so fucking awkward!"

"No, no it's not. It's fine. Yes. Bed. Night, erm, mate." Rick shrugs as he says it, patting Vyvyan on the forearm in a 'friendly' kind of way. Whatever may have happened between them, however strange and wrong it felt, there was nothing, NOTHING, that could possibly feel as wrong and as alien to him as calling Vyvyan 'mate.'

Vyvyan turns to Rick and smiles. This shouldn't be awkward at all. It's Rick, his Rick, looking miserable as sin, and Vyvyan would have given anything to make it stop. He feels the impulse to hold him tight and kiss the top of his head, but that probably wasn't something that friends did. Damn, what would a good friend do? What could he do? "Yeah, night, Rick. I'm sorry for being such a twat." And then the moment passes as quickly as it comes. Rick looked back at him and he seemed happy again, and Vyvyan thanks all the gods he doesn’t believe in.

Rick gets back in bed and watches Vyvyan throw his belongings off of his to the floor, piles of records and crumpled band tshirts, jeans and jumpers littering the rug. He doesn't shout at him this time. He'll iron them all tomorrow and hang them up in their wardrobe before Vyvyan gets home from school, and maybe he'll let him have a lend of his record player for a while? As he closes his eyes and hears the clinking of Vyvyan's chains on his bedside table, he realises there are more important things than getting his own way all the time. Maybe tomorrow he could try to be a little more amenable? Or at very least stop behaving like such a spoilt child..

Vyvyan closes his eyes too, really trying to repress his grin, but how could he? Rick wanted him to stay - actually liked having him around. So, this is what it felt like to have a friend? Albeit, one that had kissed him no less than four times tonight.. but he'd forgotten it could be so pleasant, so fulfilling, so.. warm.. and as greatful as he is to Mike for his loyal companionship, it didn't really compare.

It isn't much later when Rick wakes with a start, flinging back the covers and sitting bolt upright in his bed. Vyvyan had shouted something and had called out his name, and he was just about to yell at him and hit him with his pillow when it suddenly dawns on him, he's having a nightmare. "Vyv?" His voice softens as he approaches. He'd learnt the hard way just how much of a violent sleeper Vyvyan could be, even more so when he dares to wake him up in the morning. He reaches for his shoulder and shakes him gently. "Vyv, wake up. You're having a bad dream." There's sweat on his hairline, cold beads of it on his brow and his temple that Rick wipes softly on his sleeve as he tries to communicate. "Vyvyan.." He tries to keep his voice soothing but this is a lot worse than he's used to, and it really is terrifying to watch. He shakes him again, kneeling down by his bedside as hands tightly wring at his wrists, grabbing fistfuls of his pyjamas. 

"Huh? What the bloody hell?!"

"It's okay.." He knew that Vyvyan wasn't really answering - wasn't aware yet, even though his eyes are disturbingly wide, but at least he's okay. "You were having a bad dream. It's alright, it's just me, it's Rick." He lightly strokes his gelled hair but stops before he fully wakes. "Are you okay? Can I get you something? A glass of water, perhaps?" Vyvyan mumbles and shakes his head. "Alright then," Rick leans back but before he can get to his feet he's gripped hard by the shoulders and pulled down on his chest.

"No. Don't. Stay. Please. Don't go!"

Rick froze ontop of him. He shouldn't even be thinking of doing this. Sleeping next to Vyvyan. In his bed. With him. Next to him. On-ruddy-top of him all night! Bad, bad idea. He didn’t even know how, but he was sure he could hear a wake-up call somewhere in the back of his mind, not unlike his dad's voice, _make sure you stay away from those queers, son.._ and he tries to smile reassuringly and fight Vyvyan off. He was going to say something, make an excuse, any excuse, but Vyvyan is already breathing soundly, his hand on his back and his thigh, so he doesn't bother. At least if he stays perfectly still like this for the next couple of hours he would be separated from Vyvyan's nakedness by the layer of sweat-damp duvet. That was something at least, and the only way he can think of to conceal such a dizzying hard-on.

It's a struggle to keep still and maintain the careful gap in the pillow between their heads so he doesn't disturb Vyvyan, but it still blows Rick's mind that he's this close. Vyvyan is underneath him just like he'd dreamed and he can hear his every breath, calming down slowly as he drifts off to sleep until at long last he falls asleep too.

The sound of SPG's squeaking hamster wheel wakes him somewhat later, yet he's still half asleep, nuzzling his pillow and holding it tighter. It smells so good and it's so warm against his cheek, and… oh! Oh God! It isn't a pillow at all, it's Vyvyan, and he's huddled next to him nestled under his arm, head and hand on his chest. And, oh god, it feels amazing, but it's so very wrong, probably every shade of wrong he can think of. He pulls away desperately, hoping to Cliff that Vyvyan wouldn't wake up as he turns away from him as far as possible. As he prays for sleep to take him or the earth to swallow him whole, he feels a slight movement behind him, a warm and solid pressure building slowly against his back, a hand around his waist sliding down into his pyjamas and hot breath and bare hips as he's pulled against Vyvyan's crotch. Oh no, not like this! This wasn't fair! It wasn’t Vyvyan's fault he didn’t know what his body was doing but Rick wasn’t supposed to be craving it this badly. It wasn't like he could do anything about it now anyway even if he wanted. Vyvyan was so fully wrapped around him he couldn’t move. He snuggles backwards a bit closer and closes his eyes, letting the euphoria of it wash all over him and the thump of Vyvyan's heartbeat to lull him back to sleep.

_Rick is kneeling in front of him on the floor and he's naked. All pale and piercing eyes standing out against the moonlight, his fair hair blowing slightly and plump lips parted, only inches from the strain of his cock. Vyvyan is completely still; a predator about to attack his prey, hands on Rick's head as he grabs his braids and guides that soppy mouth where he needs it the most. Rick just looks at him, almost defiantly smug, and after what seems like an age, darts out his tongue, his eyelids fluttering closed in a look so filthy that it sends a shiver down Vyvyan's spine._

_"Is this where you want me, Vyv?"_

_He nods, rolls his hips, thrusts into that damned mouth tentatively, still not sure if Rick really does want this as he's rewarded by a gorgeous flick of tongue and suction so hard that everything goes blurry. Girlish familiar hands grip his bum, wide eyes never leave his, noises, groans, wet licks and moans resonate deep in his head, but all he can feel is that mouth. The whole world is reduced to that warm swirling wetness as the tip of his cock presses on the back of Rick's throat. Then it's faster and rougher, and harder, until roaring heat pours into his stomach and he's coming so hard he's screaming Rick's name.._

Vyvyan opens his eyes, panting heavily against the back of Rick's neck. Oh no. Fuck, fuck, fuck please, fucking no! He doesn't dare to look down but it isn't necessary, he can feel just how hard he is in the back of Rick's thigh. Why the bloody fuck did he have to sleep naked?! Christ, this was a fucking nightmare!

Great idea, he tuts, inviting the 'friend' he had a monumentally huge crush on to spend the night in his bed, and then lie spooning him, naked, dreaming of...

Fuck.

Fucking fuck!

This is so beyond the relmms of idiocy his only hope is that Rick is still asleep. He pulls away carefully and leans forward to check and Rick is breathing softly, eyes closed, lips slightly parted and nestled deep in his pillow. He's so breathtakingly beautiful that Vyvyan is glad no one else had ever seen him like this before. He feels an almost overwhelming wave of affection for how innocent he looks, and in that moment he knows he's even more screwed than he thought. He pushes all that aside for now. Now he has to somehow climb over Rick to get out of his bed and tries to leave all of those indecent thoughts behind.

He rubs his face and stands up, wobbling, grabbing some clean clothes from the pile on the floor and heading towards the bathroom.

After half an hour of a freezing cold shower and god knows how long having a good word with himself in the mirror, he musters the courage to sneak out and go to class. His head is swimming with lust and the remains of his hangover but he'd much rather be in school than deal with all the after thoughts of last night. He picks up the clothes he'd leant Rick and buries his face in the tshirt. Rick's scent is faint but it still lingers a bit as he slings it in the vague direction of the laundry basket, glancing over at the sleeping boy in his bed and wondering when he'd become so pathetic. If the heat still flaring under his skin is anything to go by, he's dangerously close to spontaneously combusting. Dammit, what the bloody hell had come over him?!


	10. The Vyvyan Problem.

It's a little after eight-thirty when Rick wakes again, squinting at the watch at Vyvyan's bedside through one eye. He sits it back down carefully and yawns. It's eight thirty-six to be precise; there's still time to dash to his first class now if he hurries - if he can bear to let go of Vyvyan's pillow and stop wrapping himself so tightly in his duvet that he can smell his sweat.

It should be disgusting - waking up swaddled in another boys four-week-old sheets _should_ be disgusting.

It isn't. 

He yawns again and breathes it in, toiling with the inevitable flutter of arousal and stab of panic in his chest - knowing he's about to do the unthinkable and be late for school just so he can stay here in this bed.

No. 

He's going to get up now - get up and dressed, pack his rucksack and go to whichever lesson it was he couldn't concentrate on anymore, after he takes a moment and a long breath of Vyvyan and attempts to wrap his arms around and own every detail of what had happened with him last night...

He'd spent the night with Vyvyan.

That was all there was to it. 

He'd spent a whole amazing night with a very smiley, amazing Vyvyan, kissing him and holding his hand, trying not to stare as they gazed at the stars, lying on top of him in his bed and cuddling him close like he was his favourite childhood teddy bear! Worst of all, instead of tutting theatrically at the deafening decibels of snoring that just so happened every time Vyvyan chose to drink his entire body-weight in vodka, Rick scarcely remembered a time when he'd had such a good nights sleep. 

Oh, that was just bloody typical!

Was Vyvyan going to be bored in chemistry.. _yes, Vyvyan's first period on Friday is chemistry,_ thinking about it too? Was he going to be angry about it? Had Vyvyan actually been awake at whatever point it was during the night when Rick had unknowingly worked his way under the duvet and draped himself all over his impossibly soft and wonderfully warm, naked body?! 

Would Vyvyan even remember it at all? 

And that dream! How on earth could he have forgotten such an utterly filthy, truly amazing dream?! Kneeling between the scuffed toes of Vyvyan's boots, staring and almost drooling at the bulge in his pants, pulling them slowly over the jut of ghostly pale hipbones and then slowly, very slowly, inching his way forward with his tongue..

_"Stop fighting this, Vyv. Stop fighting me. Isn't this exactly where you want me; on my knees? Touch me. Yeah, pull my hair. Be as rough as you like with me. Wow! You taste so good.."_

Rick groans at the alarming and horribly vivid flashback. It had all felt so good and so very, very real that when he'd woken up sticky with his pyjamas chafing his thighs, all he could think to do was remain motionless whilst Vyvyan continued to snuggle into his hair, curling up around his body and pawing at him for attention like a ruddy starving kitten! Hmm, not so much a kitten, Rick thinks, more a feral tomcat who's claws would frequently lash out - scarring anyone and anything that dared to cross their path - well, anyone and anything but him, that was. He quickly thinks back to that kiss, his first ever kiss, trying his hardest to stop smiling but he can't do it this time. That poor bloke could have been Cliff Richard in the nude and he'd still never have stood a chance. Vyvyan was perfect in that moment: freezing cold and soaked in cider with his wet hands on his chest, licking and groaning in his mouth like he was the best damned thing Vyvyan had ever tasted. And now Rick knows for a fact he'd been right all along.

Vyvyan definitely isn't as scary as he'd have the rest of the world believe. There's something so much softer and vulnerable under those layers - a peaceful stillness when he isn't beating on someone in the playground, swearing mindlessly at the television or having one of his awful nightmares.

He physically cringes at the way he used to speak to him in the past, even the very recent past, as if Vyvyan was nothing more than an annoying thug, whos only purpose in life was to drink beer and pick fights with him. Of course he'd always known there's more to him than that: his witty sense of humour, which is all but unknown to most (the mere echo of his laugher could light up the entire school!) When he thinks Rick isn't looking at him, Vyvyan is unusually kind to SPG, letting him out of his cage to roam free on his bed and gnaw on his school books, petting the top of his head affectionately as he feasts on his homework, and when he'd finished, sitting him on his shoulder and feeding him strips of his donner kebab as a reward. And the occasional flashes of thoughtfulness towards him are nothing short of remarkable.

_"I nicked an extra pudding for you at lunch, the chocolate one you like. Don't worry, I haven't spat on it or anything.."_

_"How was the dreaded games lesson then? I can't believe they're making you take stupid football! Uh, how rediculously pointless and boring! Even the fit footballers legs aren't worth the hassle. Want me to break your legs so you don't have to do it anymore?"_

_"Here, I made breakfast. I think the milk's gone off coz the tea's all lumpy so you'll have to eat it instead of drink it. Want a spoon? There's no sugar in it, is that right?.."_

_"Are you sure you wouldn't be better taking your stupid raincoat instead of just your blazer? It does make you look like a MASSIVE geek, but it's pissing down outside and you'll get drenched if you don't. Not that I care if you get pneumonia and die or anything.. I just wouldn't wanna catch your germs."_

Okay, so these moments of thoughtfulness are fleeting to say the least and are rarely repeated in the same way, but they do exist. And somewhere beyond the violence and bad language, all the drinking and the temper and the insults, there's a glimpse of a gorgeous heart and soul. It's there in the lumps of tea and burnt toast that Vyvyan makes. In the notes and coins slipped secretly back into his pocket when Vyvyan's mother had bothered to send him what little money she had. There in the dregs in the bottom of the barrel that Vyvyan 'saves' for him once he'd spent all night sucking it dry, (ohh to be that empty bottle of vodka) and it's there in the openness of his face, usually late in the evenings as they lie on their beds just chatting, or sometimes in the mornings before school. 

Yes: at home is when it happens, never in front of those horrible boys in Vyvyan's year - the ones who call him names and pick on him when Vyvyan isn't around. Luckily, the particularly violent one with the face like a pit bull and the powerful left-hook hadn't spotted them mid-snog in the bar last night. That would have been a disaster coz he already called him a puff! No, it's always when they're alone, doing something domestic and normal together when Vyvyan relaxes the most and drops most of his tough facades. He laughs way more than he used to - those wicked eyes crinkling mischievously in the way Rick secretly loves. Yes, with him, Vyvyan is nothing more than a gentle, playful kitten, and he can't help but grin stupidly at that thought. This probably wasn't how this friendship stuff was supposed to go..

He swears out loud - a real swear this time. Not one of his usual much more polite _oh ruddy flip and bother_ and scrambles out of bed. He's obviously delirious from this hangover, even though he feels absolutely fine - amazing in fact, but surely it's safer to lay the blame on something else than face the startling truth at this hour. He picks Vyvyan's jeans from the rug, neatly folding them, determined to ignore the worn pair of boxer shorts that slide out on the floor, as well as the obscene flow of thoughts in his head.

_You really fancy him, don't you? There's no one here now. You're safe. You can admit it. YOU REALLY, REALLY FANCY HIM. And you want to lick him all over and make him come in your mouth. Go on. Out loud. Right now. I dare you! You know you want to.._

"I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT!" He yells, rubbing the heels of his hands in his eyes and giving Vyvyan's underpants a swift kick under the bed. Thoughts were fine. Words didn't matter if there was no one here to hear them, but handling Vyvyan's smalls - touching something as intimate as that, that he wants to tear off with his teeth, is a very big step in the very wrong direction.

He carries on tidying until every room is spotless, drying and putting away the dishes and ironing all of Vyvyan's things without thinking too much about him - not easy when he has to hold up every garment, arrange them nicely on the ironing board and imagine stripping Vyvyan out of each of them at least a dozen times. It's lunchtime when he's finished rounding up the beer bottles and flicking cigarette ends out of the window, and now it's too late to go to school. Now he'd have to skip the entire day and tell his teacher he was sick or something, coz he'd never been this late. 

He remakes Vyvyan's bed and plumps the pillows, resisting the unbearable urge to dive back into it and bask under the covers. Sharing it with someone had been nice. Feeling the odd rush of stubble on his chin from kissing a boy had been unexpected at first but, god, it's more than nice, and he imagines it's way nicer than it is with a girl. (Not that he's imagined kissing girls that much at all lately.) And he can't help but think it particularly nice waking up with an erection when there's the weight of another pressing hot on his thigh.

Whoa! Hold on a ruddy minute! He isnt supposed to be enjoying this, he reminds himself sternly. He only has a Vyvyan thing, that's all. Only a silly, miniscule, meaningless and purely physical, tiny, insignificant, stupid Vyvyan thing. Not a ruddy boy thing! 

But what about before?

No. He'd never met anyone, girl or boy before, who had ever made him feel an ounce of this. The slight infatuation he had with a rather radical english teacher in his old school and had stupidly written about in his diary was laughable in comparison, but right now Rick isn't laughing. What if his parents embarrassing suspicions were correct?

_"Boarding school will do you good, son. It's all for your own good."_

_"But I don't wanna move away from home! P-please, dad. Mum?"_

_"It's for the best, and your mother agrees with me. Now, make sure you join in and make friends. Play plenty of sports. No more of this bohemian poetry nonsense or those hippy free-for-all protest marches. Get this gay thing out of your system, and quick. Or no University. No car. No trust fund. Am I making myself clear?"_

_"B-but I like poetry.."_

_"We're serious, Rick. Or you needn't bother coming home."_

He still remembers that mortifying conversation as clear as day; coming home from school and being confronted by the invasion of his privacy and both his parents disappointed faces.

Before Vyvyan had burst into his life, he'd managed to hide it, not very well admittedly, but doing things with boys had been a mere curiosity and although he'd never done anything more than write about it before, he knows he's more than curious and it's far too late to worry about it like he knows he should. 

What was the point in worrying anyway? Before Vyvyan he had been lonely and miserable, turning to poems and romantic stories in books instead of confiding in his parents. Now he didn't have to rely on those things anymore. Vyvyan had shaken his world. Every second spent with him was fun and wild and dangerous and exciting, and that was all that mattered. His life before Vyvyan didn't count.

Even the soft knock on the door makes him smile. Vyvyan had obviously come home to see how he was and had forgotten his keys again. Aw, that was sweet..

Blimey! Vyvyan would never do that. He really did have it bad!

"You'll forget your head one day.." he eagerly rushes to fling open the door, but it isn't Vyvyan, or any of his teachers checking up on him at all. There in the doorway, behind an unusual beaming smile, is the rude girl he'd been made to be lab partners with in biology, and she'd already barged past him, dumping her satchel on the floor. "S-sally, what are you doing here??"

"Finally!" She gasps, still smiling unnervingly, "it's taken me bloody ages to find you! Your roomate said you were in bed so I brought you my notes on the experiment from this morning. I wouldn't want us to get behind or in trouble. Are you sick or something?"

"Thanks." He offers her a weak smile reguardless, hoping she'd leave well alone if she thinks he's okay. He can't handle being the butt of her jokes at the moment. He has far too much on his mind. He quickly closes the door so no one can see them coz he's still in pyjamas and it's the middle of the day! Now _that_ was pretty anarchic! Sally sat on his bed, handing him her notepad, and he takes it, perching cautiously beside her. 

She was one of the many girls in his year the other boys liked to call a 'looker' and he'd bet they'd all be green with envy if they could only see him now. Although he didn't really see what all the fuss was about. She was nice enough, he supposed, when she wasn't taking the mickey out of his uniform or his hairstyle or his acne, and he probably should be greatful that someone had been bothered enough by his absence to visit him. After all, it wasn't her fault she wasn't Vyvyan. "Thank you. But you really didn't need to. I'll be back on Monday morning. I just wasn't feeling myself when I woke up, that's all." He tuts at the irony.

"I wanted to. Wanted to see you, um, make sure you're alright. Ha! Nice pyjamas by the way." He ignores her wicked grin and thanks her anyway, aware that it's as far from a compliment as is possible to get. He'd been more than used to Vyvyan's biting sarcasm of late. "C'mon, let me show you what you missed."

When Rick had read up on the lesson - something about photosynthesis or something, whatever that was, he couldn't help but notice Sally had moved much closer, right up against his shoulder so they were bunched together on his bed, and he almost jumps out of his skin when she grabs hold of his hand. Come to think of it, she hardly ever left him alone in class. She always picked on him something rotten, but surely she didn't really, did she??

"Shame you didn't make it to school today. I told myself the next time that I saw you I was going to ask you out, and I didn't have the nerve to wait until Monday. Maybe we can do something over the weekend if you're better? If you're really into The Sex Pistols, maybe we could go to the student union bar and watch the band tomorrow night? I hear they're pretty punk rock, or whatever it's called. Or we could go into town, or to the cinema perhaps?"

"No, they're my roomates, the posters. And I go back ho - erm, to my parents every weekend so I can't really do anything.. Do you mean like a date?" When she nods enthusiastically, he can only stare in shock. "Seriously? You want to go on a date? With me? Me and you, together? Really?"

Sally giggles and blushes. So does he.  
"Of course with you! Why do you think I forced you to be my partner? I couldn't give a stuff about science!"

"You fancy me." Each word from his lips sounds foreign and faint, like someone was whispering in his ear.

"Course I fancy you! I would have thought that was obvious! You really had no idea, even after all this time?"

"But you never talk to me.." She sighs. She actually looks genuinely disappointed, and Rick can't quite believe what he's hearing. 

"I'm sorry. I guess I was just scared. You're the first person who ever spoke to me here and I really liked you. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't mean it; the things I said. I was joking. I don't really think you're a geek. I think you're really cool.."

"Huh!" Rick snorts, "Vyvyan says stuff like that to me all the time - that I'm a geek and I'm hopeless with girls and I'm stupid coz I never realise when people fancy me. You're a lot like him. He's always picking on me too. Is everyone at this school determined to make my life a total living hell? OH HOLY SHIT!"

"What? It's not _that_ shocking! It's okay if you don't wanna date me, Rick. My roommate is always telling me I pick the wrong boys, and she's probably right.."

Rick wants to tell her that his outburst is nothing to do with her - that it isn't her fault and that she's really very attractive.. for a girl, but he's so dumbfounded the only word he can say is, "Vyvyan - "

"What?"

"He doesn't hate me. He - " the dawning realisation winds him like a sucker punch to the stomach and he gasps desperately for breath, needing to simultaneously get up and pace the room and have a bit of a lie down, or, preferably, to race after Vyvyan and leap into his arms.

_Stupid records. Stupid Cliff. Stupid girly laugh. Stupid geek. Stupid little ponytail. Stupid raincoat. Bloody stupid pyjamas! You getting any of this yet? You puff!_

"Oh for Cliff's sake! I'm such a blind and stupid, pathetic and rediculous, stupid, bloody stupid idiot!" He holds his head in his hands as they start to shake. "Why didn't I see this before? You're so right, it's so obvious. He likes me. I can't believe it, he actually likes me. Oh my god, Sally, I could ruddy-well kiss you!"

Sally turns to him and smiles again, reaching to pull his hands from where they're frantically rubbing his forehead. "Alright then. I will if you will." She giggles and leans forward, her lips slightly brushing the corner of his mouth.

"But -" The shock is overwhelming and he can't decide which is worse; being snogged by the girl he thought had hated his guts for weeks, or the fact that Vyvyan, in his own little messed up way, had been trying to tell him what he'd longed for all along. No. The Vyvyan problem is far worse, and he needs to get him alone and do this to him this very second! "Hold on. Wait! I'm sorry, I can't. I don't really know if I am.. but sometimes I think I might be.. I can't believe I'm telling you this!"

"Telling me what?"

"I'm gay."

"You're, gay? Are you sure? I mean, you're sure you're not just.."

Rick glances over at the other side of the room - at everything that was a mirror opposite, both literally and metaphorically, feeling the ghost of Vyvyan's arms closing safe all around him and the aching memory of his sleeping breath on his neck. "Sally. For him, I'm one hundred percent certain." He says, truthfully for the first time. He'd also thought it rather fitting to apologise, even if, for the first time in his life, he wasn't sorry. He didn't want to appear too insensitive when he was obviously this elated and grinning from ear to ear.

"I kinda suspected you were, y'know, involved like that. You're always together and you never bloody shut up about him! I don't know what he sees in you to be honest," she digs her elbow in his side and kisses him again, the sheen of lip gloss around her mouth gritty on his tongue as he licks his bottom lip, "but I'm probably just bitter coz I missed out again." 

"We're not involved. We're just friends, sometimes not even that. But I know I want more, - Please don't tell anyone." 

"Depends. I've got to have something to tease you about on Monday haven't I? I won't tell anyone, if you gimme a proper kiss?" 

The thought of kissing Sally couldn't have be further from his mind, but if he was really going to be gay and eventually admit it to the world then surely kissing a girl would feel wrong, wouldn't it? It'd certainly make sense to find out before he makes a fool out of himself in front of Vyvyan's entire french class after lunch.

"Alright then." He leans closer and takes her hand, coz if he was going to do this, he was going to do it properly. What was the worst that could happen?

Suddenly, she pounces, all hands on his chest and teeth clashing loudly on his and he holds her nervously by her shoulders to keep them from toppling over on the bed, kissing her with as much force as he can muster.

It's nice. 

She's nice. 

Of course, it's a whole lot nicer when he closes his eyes and thinks about..

_Stop imagining me naked, you pervert!_

"Uh, I can't!"

"What? Sorry, do you wanna stop?"

"No -"

_Can't do it, can you? Why didn't you just nail me last night when you had the chance? Coming in your pants was such a waste. Fuck! I was bloody gagging for you, Rick!_

"Mmmgod," the groan is gutteral and takes him by surprise, but it seems to be appreciated. Sally grins and takes his hand, forcing it between the buttons on her blouse and moulding his palm around the slight curve of her breast. He moans again, with surprise more than anything.

Okay, so fondling boobs, erm, knockers, no erm.. breasts, is new, but it isn't entirely unpleasant. Her skin is much more delicate and soft there and she makes a nice sound in his mouth when he traces a finger under the lace of her bra and strokes her nipple. He rubs it again, in a slow circle with his thumb, definitely not thinking about how much better it would feel if it were pierced and it belonged to..

Although there isn't the same earth-shattering euphoria or fireworks in his belly like there is when he touches Vyvyan, kissing her isn't all that different. It isn't bad at all.

"Are you planning on getting up at some point today, or are you gonna stay in bed and wank all afternoon, - oh, fuck!" Vyvyan's entire body freezes rigid in the doorway, his eyes locked on Rick's and his mouth wide in disbelief. 

Someone else is ontop of him.

Someone who isn't him. 

A girl?! 

_I hate her. I ALREADY HATE HER! I hate her!_ He needs to run away, sprint down the hall into the lift and violently puke everything he's ever eaten into his rucksack, but he seems to have lost the use of his limbs, and his brain, and his vocal cords all at once. Fuck! This cannot be fucking happening! "Came back to give you this and to see how you were. Didn't realise you had already eaten!" Vyvyan tries to keep his tone even and calm, even though the sight of Rick's pink cheeks makes every simmering drop of his blood boil. Rick's left hand had been right inside the girls shirt, and if he hadn't interrupted the disgusting scene when he had, hell only knew where the right would have been!

Rick picks up the wrapped sandwich Vyvyan had launched at his head, never taking his eyes off him. "You really came home to see if I was alright?"

"Yeah. Well it would appear that you're fine, and extremely busy, so I'm off out. A bunch of lads are skiving school and going down the pub. I need my wallet. What have you done with my jeans?"

"The w-wardrobe.." 

Vyvyan slams it open so hard it splinters from its hinges and Rick only had to catch sight of his expression in the mirror to heave Sally off of him. "Thanks for the notes. I'll see you Monday, yeah?"

Thankfully, she understands and covers herself as Rick shoves her into the hall. "Yeah. Monday. My roommate never brings me any dinner. Tell you something; kiss him like that, and, believe me, you won't have a problem."

Rick had every intention of doing just that, but Vyvyan was tearing through the contents of their wardrobe and he didn't have a clue how to stop him.

"You didn't have to kick her out on my account, Rick. It would have been nice to have had some warning, that's all. Next time you wanna get your leg over maybe you could hang your tie on the door handle or something, so I don't have to walk in on you shagging your girlfriend!"

"She's not my girlfriend, and I wasn't - would never -"

"Whatever. Christ, what the bloody fuck have you done with my jeans?!"

"They're here. Stop messing it up. That lot took me ages!" Rick moves him aside and hands Vyvyan the correct pair and Vyvyan wastes no time in removing his jumper and snatching them out of his grasp. "Vyv, can I talk to you?"

"No."

"Please. I think I need to explain a few things."

"Later. Need a drink."

"But, what you saw, just then, it wasn't, it didn't mean,"

"Rick, I _really_ don't wanna know about it!"

He watches Vyvyan kick off his trousers and hurry his legs into his jeans, feeling his heart might actually beat out of his chest any minute now. "She only came round to give me some notes for class.."

"Didn't you hear me? I said I don't wanna know what you and some tart get up to when I'm not here. God, it's no wonder you're always giving me so much money to go out!"

"It's not like that, and she's not a - she's really quite nice once you get to know her."

"Yeah and she's got the biggest tits I've never seen!" Vyvyan snapped, fastening his belt and lighting a cigarette, still not daring to look back at Rick.

"Vyvyan, don't be so sexist! I don't think about girls like that."

"Hmm. I bet you don't! You pretend to be all shy and sensitive and better than me and all high and mighty, but really you're just the same. Bet you're not even a virgin anymore the way you were virtually humping each other through your clothes!" Ugh, he needed to leave immediately or he was definitely going to vomit.

"Would it bother you if I wasn't?"

"No! I don't care what you do, or who you do it to. Why the hell would I? I'll see you then. Don't wait up." He takes one quick look at Rick and slams the door in his face, the thump only adding to the throb in the veins at his temples. 

Alcohol would sort it.

Alcohol would make everything better, or at the very least make him forget the pain of some of the horrors he'd just seen.

If only he really did have someone else to drink with..


	11. Better Than None.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a short update so apologies. I am still very much writing this in between my others! Thanks as always for your lovely comments x

"Vyv pleease! Just.. stop! I need you to know that I made a mistake. A huge one, I know, but I never meant for you to see me like that. Kissing her was nothing, and it was nothing at all like kissing you. Sally is not my girlfriend. She could never have been my girlfriend because all I want.. all I've ever really wanted in the whole time I've known you, is you! I just needed to know if I was right and I am. Oh who am I kidding, you're right! You're always bloody right, you arsehole! I _am_ an idiot and it's all your fault! You've made it downright impossible for me not to feel the way I feel when I'm with you, so I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY! Oh god, not that I'm blaming you. This was me. This was all me. You need to know that I think you're lovely. Uh gosh, you're so lovely! And you've done nothing wrong. Nothing at all apart from be way beyond nice to me - way nicer than I ever deserve, I know. I see that now, and I've made such a mess of this as always. I know I never do anything right, but I wish for once that I could. I wish I could fix this - fix you. I wish you hadn't left me in bed this morning. I wish I could have told you when I wrote all of this in my notebook when it mattered. And now I've gone and blown it and it's probably too late. Oh please, Vyv. Please tell me it's not too late! I'm sorry and I'm so, so stupid and I want you to shout at me, I deserve it. Scream at me. Do whatever it takes to forgive me as long as you come back.. Come back.."

Rick takes huge breaths, inwards and out, his chest heaving, straining, knowing there's no way Vyvyan can hear his choice words this time no matter how desperately he wants. Bloody nora! Given how loudly the door had slammed in his face, he wouldn't be surprised if either of them ever heard anything ever again, but his confession doesn't stop. It pours from his lips as fast as tears stream down his face and he sobs into his hands, defeated.

"I just really like you is all. And I can't decide if your behaviour towards me lately is bordering on blimmin' psychotic, or if in some twisted, wonderful and amazing way it just adds to you being really, _really_... likable. That's what I wanted to tell you if you'd just waited! Please, I'm begging you, Vyvyan! Please just come home.." 

His voice cracks as he turns to his reflection and pulls shards of shattered glass from the mirror, still staring soulless into his heavily bloodshot eyes. "I want you so much that I'm talking to myself like a lunatic and I don't even care!" He sniffs, quickly stuffing Vyvyan's clothes back in their wardrobe, and instead of opening the door and screeching down the hallway, he turns to SPG - who had climbed the rungs of his ladder to investigate the racket. He looks the hamster dead in his beady little brown eyes and says, "You can't do absolutely everything in your power to make someone fall hopelessly in love with you and then leave them just like this, can you? It's not fair!" And SPG actually _shrugs!_ "Coz I do love him, y'know. I am in love with Vyvyan." He says it again, over and over. It feels good, cathartic, and he scoops his fingers in the box on the side, flicking the cage door open between choking back sobs, "heaven knows why. Coz all he does is call me names and make me cry!" He drops the hamster food in the bowl, too upset to realise that what he'd said had rhymed. 

When he stops to wipe his eyes, he realises SPG has ceased climbing the bars and is now sat on his hind legs staring up at him. Like Vyvyan, SPG is nowhere near as scary as Rick first thought either and he bends to stroke the ginger tuft of furr on his head with his finger. A lot like his owner, the hamster's bark is worse than his bite. Rick watches his little front paws reach to grasp the sunflower seed he offers and he even manages a weak smile when he puts his hand flat in the sawdust and the tiny ball of fluff waddles curiously onto his palm. 

If only Vyvyan was this easy to tame!

"You're in a good mood today, I must say! What's the matter, huh? You hungry?" He asks, lifting the small body out of the cage and cupping it close, giggling as SPG crawls down snug in his top pocket, all four sets of dainty claws prickling through his pyjamas, lightly tickling his chest. "Aw you're not so vicious after all. Little softie. Here, here ya go." He sprinkles food in his pocket and leans to check Vyvyan's watch again. It's almost time for his parents to collect him and he hasn't packed any clothes or got the right books ready to do the homework he'd ignored all week. Hell, he hadn't even bothered to get himself dressed yet! He sighs. He can't bring himself to do any of the things he 'should' be doing. The last thing he wants is to go to his parents and pretend everything is fine. He doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts because the very thought of leaving things this raw and up in the air with Vyvyan all weekend literally makes every cell in his body ache.

He heaves the duffle bag from underneath his bed, scoops SPG out of his pocket and sets him gently on the telephone stand, distracted once again from packing his belongings by the sound of him gnawing hungrily on a piece of paper jammed under the handset. Obviously he recognises the handwriting scrawled all over it immediately..

First decision made.

There's only one thing left to do.

"Hello, Mike? Erm, it's Rick. It's Rick from last night.. Vyvyan's.." _future husband_ "..friend?"

_"Oh yeah. Alright? How's things?"_

"N-not so good as it goes.."

_"What do you need?"_

"..I know you don't know me at all, but you do know him, right?"

_"Uhuh. Inside and out.."_

"I messed up, Mike. I really messed up. I dunno what to do.."

_"What do you need?"_

 

Vyvyan smacks the buttons inside the lift, so hard his knuckles instantly bruise but he doesn't feel the pain. He knows he's not allowed to smoke in here, or in any part of school for that matter. It doesn't stop him. He doesn't care. If he gets expelled then good! At least he wouldn't have to live with Rick anymore. He'd never have to witness anything like _that_ again. He wouldn't have to wake with his arms and legs wrapped around Rick, and know, without question, before the day begins, that his life could be so damned perfect.

_Fuck sake, Rick! Why d'ya have to do that?!_

He stamps on the cigarette. The lift doors jam at the force. It makes his stomach lurch. He wants desperately to go back. Sprint back. Punch Rick square in his soft, stupid face and kiss him until he bloody suffocates! He doesn't do it. He can't. He doesn't know what the hell he's supposed to do anymore.

He heads out of school quickly, across the car park and through the front gate, and he's somewhat calmer when he finally makes it to the end of the winding road and stands face to face with a pub. He hadn't been here before. He'd never been this far away from school on foot, but hopefully it was far enough so no one would know where he'd escaped from. Escaped being the operative word. School had so many pathetic rules it was like a bloody prison! He combed his fingers through the front of his hair to spike it up and fastened his shirt buttons. He never had a problem getting served in pubs before but he really couldn't deal with having to explain why he was cutting class in the middle of the afternoon to anyone who might see him.

Vyvyan soon finds himself sat alone at the bar. The pub is old and empty, save for a couple of men in the corner, grumbling over their pints and playing dominoes, and he takes out his wallet, emptying the contents in a heap in front of the lone barman's newspaper. "Oi! How many vodkas will this get me?" The bloke glances down at his pile of money and back up at his eyes. Vyvyan immediately notices his smile and frowns. 

"One of those days, huh?" 

He nods. He doesn't speak.

"I'd say about five, if you're lucky. Or maybe six depending how generous I'm feeling.."

"Not enough. Need to get completely shitfaced. Is there an off licence in this crappy town, or is it even more crap than I dared give it credit for!"

"Nothing like that I'm afraid. Not for a few miles anyway. This is more of a half-a-pint of bitter and a packet of pork scratchings kinda place than a wild night out. If that's what you're looking for then you may be disappointed. Or maybe you won't be? Don't I know you from somewhere?"

There's definitely an atmosphere, Vyvyan notes, and it isn't an aggressive one for a change. It's an atmosphere Vyvyan knows only too well and he sighs, going through the motions of his five-second routine automatically, out of habit more than interest. Eyes: rounded and hazel - nothing spectacular. Hair: shaved to the skin and mouse-brown - boring. Clothes: scruffy jeans, white school shirt, nondescript. Arse: out of his view but he'd probably seen better. Average at best but maybe worth a shot? If only he could stop fantasising about... "No!" The word echoes in the silence. "We've never met. And I don't come here often. So don't try that one on me either. Okay!"

"Wasn't going to. I know you're not a regular. I'd have remembered serving someone as hot as you. You're Vyvyan aren't you? Footlights? Year 11? You had that fight in the common room and then you put The Damned on the jukebox and I tried to use it as a pathetic excuse to make conversation? Remember? Tom. From the old battle-axe's biology class?" The boy smiles and holds out his hand and Vyvyan rolls his eyes. Of course! Just when he couldn't think of anything worse than copping off tonight, _now_ he gets chatted up!

"Look, I just wanna be on my own, alright? I'm really not interested."

"Fair enough, but you look like you could use a drink and bartenders are famous for being great listeners.."

"Don't wanna talk. Just wanna forget that fucking school even exists!" He would have got up and left, if he had somewhere else to go, but even the thought of what may or may not be happening in his bedroom at that precise moment was enough to keep Vyvyan firmly planted in his seat. A couple more drinks and Rick would be gone. For two whole days. He was staying! "Do me a favor, get me a vodka and don't talk to me."

"Whatever you say. But if you truly want to forget, you need my roomates invention. A double Vodka, double tequila, absinthe, pernod and meths. The 'forget-me-shot.' Guaranteed to wipe out all of life's problems. Legend has it that when my mate discovered it he missed most of the fourth year. On me, of course. Unless you're not up to it? What you say, Vyvyan? Man enough for the challenge?"

Vyvyan watches Tom as he hurries in front of the bottles, pouring huge measures into a pint glass and topping it with one of those pointless paper umbrellas. He tries not to smile. Tom's obviously trying to impress him, and laying it on pretty thick. It had been that long since anyone had been this blatantly flirtatious with him, and although he's nowhere near as attractive as Rick - wasn't even in the same league and not fit to lick his boots, Vyvyan has to admit it's extremely tempting. He picks up the cold glass, looks Tom in the eye whilst bringing it to his lips and slowly draining the contents. "Well then, Tom. If you really know me, you'll know I drink anything. And if you want to get to know me, I suggest you keep up."

Tom lines up four more and Vyvyan lights a cigarette, his smile still forced but getting easier to fake.

The second shot burns the roof of his mouth and makes his tongue numb.

The third puts fire in his churning stomach, makes his eyes burn and water, and as their hands brush together to toast their next shot, Tom is instantly more attractive than he thought.

It's a start.


	12. The Trouble With Truth Serum.

"I'll take dare again." Yawns Vyvyan, making sure he looks Tom in the eye whilst stubbing his cigarette in the drip tray.

"I dare you to snort it!"

"And I thought dare was supposed to be a challenge." He grins and glances into his glass, huffing back the potent cocktail quickly before he has time to change his mind. "Fuck me!" Fiery liquid drips from his nostrils - his fists pounding the bar until even the tips of his ears burn. "See. Piece of cake. Your turn, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Hmm.." The next shot is lots more enjoyable. Vyvyan swills it in his mouth slowly, thinking of something interesting to ask as Tom continues to stare. "Okay. Got a good one. How much would you say, on a scale of one to ten, are you thinking about having sex with me right now?"

"You can't ask me that!"

"Who says?"

"But I'm not.. not really. How did you, know?"

"Didn't. Suspected. You're being kinda obvious. Anyway, if you weren't interested you would have said 'zero,' maybe a 'one'."

"Smart ass! It's been a solid seven ever since last night if you must know. But you looked like you were busy so.."

"So.." 

"So change the subject. Now!"

"Interesting."

"Shut up!" Tom's cheeks blush instantly, a furious red. "It's you again."

"Uh, this is boring! Are you sure you can't think of something better for us to do? I thought you were going to cheer me up."

"I am," his glass is refilled to the brim. The fumes from the unlabelled bottle sting his eyes. It smells like Domesdos. "And I will. Truth or dare?"

"Truth then I suppose." He sighs, having no immediate desire to inhale another highball of pure alcohol up his nose just yet.

"So you're gay then? Like properly gay?"

"What sort of question is that! Yes, I am 'properly gay,' whatever that means." 

Tom's grin is half nervous, half relieved. "So you tell people, just like that? All your family and friends know and stuff?"

"Yeah." Vyvyan nods. Not that it'd been a very strenuous task telling all of the three people who mattered. His mother always made her usual snide comments but she wasn't particularly bothered. Mike had guessed the truth the very night they met - understandable considering all the time he'd spent flirting. And as for Rick? No, he wasn't going there. He hadn't thought about Rick for ten minutes. Ten very long, tedious minutes.

"What do your parents think? My dad would hit the roof."

"My dad - I dunno." The sudden judder of melancholy is somewhat sobering, but another shot soon sees to that. "Bloody buggering fuck, this is good stuff! Don't wanna talk family, and I'm not a bloody counselling service! Ask me somethin' good or I'm not playing this stupid game anymore."

"I'm not asking for advice. I'm trying to get to know you. I.. like you." 

Vyvyan rolled his eyes. Why was everybody so insistent on making pointless conversation with him? "Fine. Well I never actually told my mum. She just came home early from work one night and caught me in bed with our landlord. So that was that. That the sort of thing you had in mind?" Tom's mouth gaped as Vyvyan downed his drink. He tried not to smile and spill it again.

"What were you.. doing?"

"Well he wasn't tucking me in and reading me a bedtime story, put it that way."

"I can never tell if you're being serious or not."

"Seriously. It's true. He wasn't much to look at for a forty year old but he was dynamite in the sack. Married men are always so desperate. I had a few silent breakfasts after that but she was fine. Infact, she was glad of the free rent for a while. What?"

"How old were you?"

"Dunno. Long time ago."

"She was fine with walking in on her son being taken advantage of by some filthy old perv. That's fucked up."

"Believe me, that's nothing. Well come on then, don't just stand there," Vyvyan idly selects one of their many empties and shakes it. "I'm as dry as a bone here. Not much of a bartender are you?" 

"You don't give a fuck about anything do you?"

"No." He snaps, still telling the truth. He had cared about Rick. But it didn't matter anymore.

 

***

 

Last time Rick had checked Vyvyans watch it had been just after midnight and he'd been back and forth out of bed ever since, pacing the room in a dizzying circle yet he still couldn't settle and it was becoming exhausting. Now he didn't want to know how late it was getting, preferring to ignore the hint of daylight peeking through the drawn drapes of the curtains and carry on with the book. It was the first night he'd tried to go to sleep by himself and something was definitely off tonight - not that he had to think very hard to know exactly what that one thing was, but how could he miss someone who didn't even have the decency to stay and listen to what he had to say?! 

The long phone call with Mike had worked wonders and he'd given his parents the first lame excuse to hand so he could stay here with Vyvyan, but there wasn't much he could do to fix it all by himself. He returned his groggy gaze to the words waiting in front of him, following his finger as it skimmed over the page.

The room was too hot. That was it. It was far too hot to be able to concentrate and having his security blanket this tightly wrapped around his back was starting to make Rick sweat. That was probably why his brain was ticking over like a bomb was about to go off and his shirt stuck wet to his underarms whenever he paused to think about..

He darts out of bed, throwing his duvet on the floor, his hands manically scrubbing his head, shaking loose the symmetrical braids he'd spent the last hour perfecting. "It's just too damn hot is all," he tells SPG, but the hamster is already sleeping, curled in a snoring, strawberry-blonde ball on his pillow. He wrestles out of his bed clothes. They land on the rug in the same twisted shape and he dives back on the bed, wearing only his increasingly tight underpants and usual white vest, coz there's simply no need to take those off. 

Sadly.

 

***

 

"... grinding on each other like a pair of rabid dogs! And then I walk in to my own bloody bedroom and her hands are all over his - Oi! You listeninnng to me or what?" Vyvyan slurrs, his whichever glass of whatever concoction close to going over as he swings forward and butts heads with Tom, his rough stubble scratching his cheek again. 

"Course." 

He had joined Vyvyan on the other side of the bar hours ago, occupying the stool closest to him for balance, and Vyvyan suddenly backs away when he notices how close they've become. "Well what did I just say then, huh? If I didn't know better I'd say you were too busy mooning over me to pay attention. Not a piece of meat y'know." 

"No I'm not, I'm just.." 

Vyvyan grins as Tom eyes his chest. "Yeah, course you're not. Look, d'ya wanna have a go in one of the toilet cubicles for a bit and get it over with? Then maybe we can get back to our conversation before you come in your pants and I change my mind? I could do with the distraction and by the looks of things you'll be quick." 

Tom chokes on his water. 

"Bloody hell! Who says romance is dead!"

"Romance _is_ dead. Don't be disgusting!" He rummages in his pocket, his hand finding Tom's at long last. "Quid, for the johnny machine. Come on then, after you."

"I can't. I would, but I'd better not. I can't leave the till - it's last orders, and, god, you're serious aren't you?"

"Yeah?"

" - god."

"Hmm no, not quite." Vyvyan tries to focus - this empty shot glass even more difficult to set back on the bar than the last. Tom had stopped after his fifth but he hadn't. There was no way he was stopping now - no reason in the world he shouldn't be permanently trashed for the next two days or more. No reason at all!

"I'm listening. You were saying something, something about insanity?"

"Oh yeah! And I'd know that if you'd stop interrupting me! I said, it's driving me insane, all this stuff and him. I'm gonna fail another bloody year and end up in a god-damn loony bin at this rate.."

"..mental hospital."

"Yeah, s'what I said. Stop correcting me, fascist!" Vyvyan gasps - both palms clasping his mouth in a useless, feeble attempt to stuff the word back in.

Did he really just say that out loud?!

He was pretty sure he didn't but most of his thoughts no longer made sense.

Constantly hearing Rick when he wasn't with him was fine. It was weird, admittedly. But it was fine. He shouldn't be quoting him out loud though. Tom wouldn't understand. No one knew Rick the way he did anyway so what was the point in trying to explain? For once in his life, alcohol wasn't on his side, wasn't making him forget. It was forcing him to spill his frightened guts like a sappy love-drunk idiot! And sitting here as Tom continues to mentally undress him like this was obviously a very big mistake. "Lemme ask you something," he slurrs again, skimming his hand directly between Tom's thighs to directly grab his attention, because drunk or not, he was only going to ask this once. 

"Mm?"

For a flash of a second, Vyvyan wonders what it would be like if he was here with Rick. Rick's thick thighs - not Tom's, pressing tight against his leg. Drainpipe trousers - not denims, crossed at the knee. The toe of a red buckled shoe tapping annoyingly to the music. When Tom grabs his hand, he imagines it's Rick's - Rick's fingers entwining with his.

 _Oh Vyv, the mess you've made._

The voice isn't shrill - not like he was being told off coz he'd left last night's half-eaten, trodden-on kebab on the rug. It's soft, whisper quiet, and Vyvyan closes his eyes at the glorious head rush.

"Well go on then."

"I'm sorry, what? I was miles away." He shakes it off, preparing to clear the tremble of emotion from his throat once and for all and get this whole sordid mess out his system. "Have you ever been so rediculously attracted to someone that you can actually feel it driving you crazy? Like you'd rather gouge your eyes out than look at something so brilliant.." He takes a deep breath. Tries to forget. Can't. "Wanting to be blinded by the sun rather than simply stop looking at it. Dumping your lungs inside an iron vice and twisting until you can't breathe, or sucking every morsel of bone marrow from your limbs until you collapse and fucking die! I can't breathe when I'm with him. Can't bear to touch him. Even the thought of her makes me sick! I can't cope with him near me when he's having these thoughts about girls, and I can't compete with that, can I? I can hardly blame him for being straight. Fuck! I sound so fucking gay! Anyway, in short, I never wanna look into his horribly beautiful eyes EVER AGAIN!" He yells, the heady mix of arousal, frustration and absolute oblivion making him sickeningly embarrassed and bloody horny as fuck at the same time. "Do you know how it feels to want something so bad that you'll do anything to get it? I don't remember what it feels like not to want him. And being this damn antsy around him every single day is probably going to kill me. Last Wednesday I almost did it with him in the spazzy library in front of children. Coz that's all he is to me. Yeah, that's all he is.." he continues to grumble. 

"I'm beginning to understand that level of attraction, yeah."

"Nah _youuu_ don't know," Vyvyan sneers, "you don't have a bloody clue how much trouble I'm in, do you? He's bad for me, that one. He's so bad for me that I think he might be good for me, and that scares the living hell out of me. Know what I mean?"

"Not really. You're not really making much sense, Vyv."

"What did you just say?"

"I said, you're not really making much sense, Vyv. Ow! What was that for?!"

"Don't call me that. Don't YOU DARE ever call me that! Not you. Never you!"

"Sorry!"

"I should blurry-well think you are." Vyvyan had been too drunk to move from his stool, but he hadn't been too drunk to grab Tom by his shirt collar and swiftly bang their heads together. That felt better already and as his vision came back into focus he knew there was no real harm done. If it could be classed as a headbutt, at least it was one of his nice ones, and it hadn't made Tom run away just yet.

"Has anyone ever told you, you get aggressive when you're drunk?" 

"No. I don't hang around long enough."

"Well you do." Tom said, checking the side of his head over-dramatically for blood from the blow. Of course, there was none. 

_Just great!_ Vyvyan tuts. His one chance to get over his monster-sized crush on a boy by getting under another one and he'd stupidly picked another bloody girl! He shrugs again anyway and doesn't apologise. It's easier that way. "Yeah? D'ya wanna fight about it?"

"No. I like a scrap as much as the next person, but I'd rather fuck you than fight you if it's all the same to you."

"Don't feel like it."

"Alright. Maybe later? I can get you some water or something? Sober you up a bit first?"

"Noo!" Vyvyan tutted, "I don't want any bloody water! You trying to make out I can't handle this? I'm not some bloody Cliff Richard wannabe. I can hold my drink. I've told you, I'm fiiine! I'm tearing them down when I get home by the way. All of 'em! Every bloody last one!"

"Tearing what down?"

"The posters!"

"What posters?"

"They're all going to the bottom of my hamster's cage and staying there. Stupid little fucking prick!"

"Your hamster is a prick?"

"Nooo! I knew you weren't listening to me. _He_ is! Stupid little Blue Peter-watching, girl-shagging, cock-teasing, library-book-reading, attention-seeking, arse-licking, infuriating, one-hundred-degree-hot, fucking prick! Well, what you starin' at? Get me another drink and I'll pay you in kind." Vyvyan winked, or possibly blinked. "Double Vodka no ice and I'll make it extremely worth your while."

"I can't. My uncle will know if I take too much and you've already spent all my wages. Anyway, I thought you said you had some beers in your room."

"Oh yeah! Great idea. Quick, take all your clothes off and let's go to the bus stop. I hope you're hungry. Are those my feet?"

"You said you walked here. And.. what? Vyvyan, you really are wasted!"

"Shut up! And hurry up and close this dump if you still wanna shag me. Won't wait around forever. I do have better things to do than talk about that bastard all night. I'm very popular y'know."

"I don't want to talk about your ex-boyfriend all night either if you don't mind. Give me five minutes, okay? I'll be back. Five minutes. Don't move."

"Boyfriend! Ha! He bloody wishes!" Vyvyan stumbles to light a cigarette as Tom dashes back behind the bar.

Was that true? 

Did he want to go out with Rick? 

Did Rick even want to go out with him? 

Wouldn't it be worth finding out before he invites someone new into his bed and lets off some much needed steam?

No. It's too late now. Everything is ruined. Moving on was probably another very bad idea but he doesn't care about that for the moment.

A shag was a shag after all.

 

***

 

Rick sighed and slammed the book he was holding face down in his pillow. The comic inside he'd been reading in secret slid out between the pages and he started to smile. He didn't have to pretend he was too sophisticated to read comic books anymore. His parents weren't here to make sure he was studying and Vyvyan actually seemed to appreciate his vast collection and didn't tease him for preferring them to real books sometimes. He feeds SPG another cold toast crust from his plate, brushing crumbs from the sheets before marking the page for later. He'd have to read it again anyway. He hadn't taken a word of it in because all he could think about was..

Vyvyan had told him not to wait up.

What did that even mean? 

Was he going to stay out boozing all weekend until Sunday?

Who were these friends that he'd never mentioned before? 

Was he going to get completely out of his head and wake up in a ditch somewhere?

What if he'd got lost, or in a fight? What if he'd slept on the street again and had one of his nightmares? What if he was scared?

What if something bad had happened to him?!

"Do you think he's alright?" He asks SPG, stroking back the spikes on his head. "Suppose he is big enough to look after himself. I just wish I knew where he was. I just want to hear his voice, just once.." he picks up the hamster again, smiling as SPG crawls from his palm to the crook of his elbow. At least someone appreciated him.

"Do it properly, ya wimp!"

Rick jolts with a start.

The voice behind the door is unmistakable - loud and very obviously slurring, but unmistakable, and it makes all the shaved hair on his neck stand on end.

"I just.. don't do that."

"Let me guess, you're so far back in the closet you're in fucking Narnia, and if you don't snog me then you're not really gay, right?"

"Something like that,"

"Bollocks! You were desperate to get me in the bushes just then - all over me like a bloody cheap suit. You can't fool me. I've heard 'em all, 'I'm not queer, I just really like blowjobs. I can't tonight, Vyvyan, my girlfriend's coming over. It doesn't count if I pull out before I come.' Now for the third and final time, FUCKING KISS ME!"

"But someone might see me. We're in a public place - Mmmh,"

"Quick, hide!" Rick whispers, plonking SPG on the rug and shooing him under his bed - the relief that Vyvyan had finally made it home in one piece cut short by the sound of wet kisses. He hurries to turn off his reading lamp, his heart beating a million miles a second as he listens to the revolting conversation amidst the jangle of keys.

"Are you sure this is okay? Your roomate?"

"..isn't here. Don't. Don't talk. I don't want you to talk."

The nauseating moans grow louder still and Rick burrows his face in his pillow, stuffing the corner of it in his mouth in an attempt to surpress this newly found and extremely active gag reflex. He can't distinguish the other boys voice yet but he's obviously a moron. Anyone who protested about snogging Vyvyan didn't deserve to so much as look at him, let alone.. 

Oh no! 

If he was that boy he wouldn't be so bashful. He would take his time, kiss Vyvyan everywhere. Stroke his hair, touch his face and hold his hand, tell him he's worth so much more than this..

So much more.. 

The door bursts open, thudding back against the wall, and Rick remains as still as he can, blinding rage eating away at every sinew in his body until his hands are trembling and tears well in his eyes.

Even if he wants to get up and yell, he can't blame Vyvyan for this. He'd done it first. He'd broken their little bubble of domestic, flirtatious bliss - smashed it to smithereens by doing what he did. This was his own fault.

"You got lube?"

 _Oh god. Oh god please no!_ Rick's stomach vaults over as he fights the urge to scream and cry and vomit simultaneously.

"Yeah I got lube. Second drawer. That bed. Need more beers first. SHIT!"

Rick listens with baited breath, his eyes so tightly screwed up he sees blood.

"What the.. He's supposed to be gone. Why is he, home?"

"It's him, isn't it? This is who you were talking about. Look, I'm not into threesomes if that's what this is? Although I can't think anyone would wanna do it with him."

"No it's not. It's not like that. He's meant to be away - ought to be away. Fuck!"

"It must be a drag - sharing with such a pathetic little mummy's boy."

"Leave him alone. He's just a kid."

"He's a fucking loser, Vyvyan. You have my sympathy."

"Shut up! Didn't ask you back here to talk about him. You fancy a shag or what?"

"Always."

Rick's pillow feels warm under his cheek. It's soggy by the time he realises he's crying. 

"Here, now get on with it. But make one single noise and I'll kill you."

"But how am I supposed to.. in silence?"

"I mean it. Wake him up and I _will_ kill you. Understand?"

A pair of boots hit the ground: Vyvyans. Zips rip undone: two at a time. Rick might be going mad. He doesn't care. He knows the other voice now, only too well, and it's the only thing stopping him from wailing in pain. He'd already done that countless times and Tom hadn't shown mercy or spared him any punches back then. There's a rustle of sheets, boards creaking beneth two sets of feet, a slight intake of breath that hits him low in his stomach, and a grunt, sending jolts of pure electric fear down his spine. He dares to sneak a look to his left as Tom kicks off his jeans and Vyvyan is led on his bed - the top half of him bare and pale, extraordinarily beautiful, and Rick can't see anything else through his tears.

"Ahh! Jesus Christ! Something just bit me!"

"Shhh!"

"A rat! Vyvyan, there's a bloody rat under your bed! How am I supposed to get a hard on with teachers-bloody-pet in the room and vermin like that running around," Tom bends to pick up his boot, banging it on the carpet, and Rick closes his eyes, cringing with every deafening pounding thump.

"He's not a rat. He's my hamster. And just leave him be. He's alright." Vyvyan sounds remarkably calm considering someone is eagerly trying to bash his beloved hamster's head in. Rick can't bear to look. "What did I just say! Keep the noise down!"

"Why? Who cares if the snivelling virgin wakes up? He might actually learn something. Ow! Little fucker did it again!"

"Did warn you." Vyvyan giggles, checking Rick again to make sure he's still sleeping. He'd gotten away with this cherade so far. But it's only when he watches the rise and fall of Rick's shoulders - his gaze lingering on the gentle arch of his back - does he truly snap out of it and come to his senses. "Tom, when you've quite finished making a tit out of yourself, get your stuff and get out."

"You what? Why?"

"You were right, I am wasted. Truth is, you're not really my type."

".. then, what is your type?"

He glances back at Rick before he realises he's done it. "Dunno, but it's not you. You're just, wrong."

"Charming!"

Rick secretly watches as Vyvyan ushers a half-naked Tom into the hall. As Vyvyan bundles his belongings in his hands he finally allows himself to breathe.

"Can I see you again?"

"You can see me now."

"Don't be like that. Okay, so it's a bad time, I get it. Who cares if I'm not your type. We both wanna fuck. My roomate's out tomorrow so no one'll know.."

"..Not gonna happen. Besides, I think you know I'm into someone else. You were just there, that's all."

"Bastard!"

"Yep. Oh and Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"Put your clothes on, eh? You're in a public place."

The door is slammed shut for the second time that day but thankfully, Vyvyan is on the right side of it. Rick pads across the room, still unsure what emotion is first in the queue as he picks up SPG and puts him safely back in his cage. "Thanks, mate. I owe you one."

Vyvyan rubs his face and groans. Staggers. His entire demeanour shifting when he sees Rick is awake and leaning over his desk. "Hey, you okay?" 

Rick nods. Stares. Frowns. Was that.. mud??

"Did you get any of that?"

"Yes. All of it. Vyvyan, why do you.."

"Pleeease don't have a go at me now, Rick, alright. You can scream at me in the morning - until you're blue in the face if it makes you feel better. Just not now. I feel bad enough now as it is."

Vyvyan grips the fridge and stumbles. There's what looks like dried dirt on his face, thickly caked into his eyebrows and he looks terrible, as if he's about to cry. "Not going to have at go at you. Come here. Sit down." He rushes to support his next stagger, slinging Vyvyan's arm around his neck as he walks them towards his bed. It's nearer than Vyvyan's bed and there's no ground-in mud on the pillowcase or scattered condoms to put away, and seeing that scene again is another punch in the stomach. 

This had gone on long enough. 

He takes hold of Vyvyan's shoulders and tries to sit him down and Vyvyan immediately doubles over, his hands clutching his head.

"Hurts."

"What has he done to you!"

"Nothing. Fell."

"Fell where?"

"Lake."

"What lake?!"

"Place where all the cool kids get loaded at weekend. You wouldn't know." 

"Sounds great!" Rick is instantly jealous but his sarcasm is wasted as Vyvyan falls forwards, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"If you didn't keep running home to yer mummy and daddy I might bring you with me sometime."

"Well I don't think I'll be going home anymore. Someone has to stay here and look after you. Cliff knows how you've managed to survive this far!" Rick props him against the wall and fetches a towel from the sink. "Come here, let's get you cleaned up and dressed. You're freezing." He checks his temperature and Vyvyan sways into his palm.

"Urgh, what you doing pawing me. Get off."

"How did you manage to get so blind-drunk? I thought you didn't have any money?" 

"Didn't. Borrowed it."

Rick tries again to sit Vyvyan up but he's too heavy to stay where he puts him. Short of lying him down and crawling on top of him, there's only one thing left to do. He kneels before him on the floor, his arms resting on shivering inner thighs as he tends to the worst of the dirt - for once, not caring that Vyvyan is only wearing pants as he wipes streaks of soil from his brow. "If you're going to steal from me, at least have the nerve to tell me. Leave me a note or something.."

"Didn't steal it."

"It's always going to be like this isn't it? You fall, I pick you up. You say jump, I say how high. You want something, you take it - no matter the consequences. I made one mistake, once, but you, you never stop. You can't carry on doing whatever you want all the time - throwing people away when you get bored. I can't be at your beck and call to put you to bed, be the butt of your jokes, clean up the sick! It's not fair!"

"Didn't steal it! Would never do that. Not to you. Mike leant me the money to take you out last night. It's not my fault you're rich and you paid. I wanted to! And it's not like that either, can't you see? Do you have anything in that STUPID brainless head of yours? People throw _me_ away. No one cares.."

"That's not true."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. M-mike obviously cares about you."

"He's too far away."

"Okay, me then. I care. Look at the state of you. I was worried sick. Of course I care!"

"Y-you do?" 

Vyvyan looks up at him, his eyes bloodshot and innocent as they pour into his, so achingly vulnerable that in that moment, Vyvyan had never looked so young. "Of course I do." Rick repeats, his thumb slightly stroking the jawline he dares not pull any closer. "Vyvyan, you're my - You're my best friend." Vyvyan falls forward again, pulling him into a hug, his voice muffled in the front of his vest.

"I'm sorry." 

"It's okay." Rick brings his arms up to cradle his head, both hands in his hair, "I know. I know you are." He can tell the apology is genuine: there's no quip or insult or profanity to be found. It's probably the first honest thing Vyvyan has ever said to him, and he lets him rest there on his chest for as long as it takes, holding him closer to throw the towel in the bin. "Come on, you need to sleep it off. You can take my bed. It's fine. I'll sort yours out in the morning." Vyvyan nuzzles into his neck, his grin contagious and Rick can't help himself. "What?"

"I nearly kissed you then."

"Why didn't you?" 

"Coz you're too young, and I'm far too old for you, that's why. You're only thirteen, it wouldn't be right. Fuck, it's no wonder you were so scared!"

"Fifteen. I'm fifteen, Vyvyan. There's only two years and a day between us - hardly a big deal, and despite what you think, I'm not actually a kid. I'm not scared either, not anymore. In fact I want -" He stops the very second he realises Vyvyan is talking about himself. _Oh my Vyv, what on earth has happened to you?_ "It's going to be alright. Lie down." Rick soothes, feeling the overwhelming need to protect his friend from whatever inebriated confessions he would more than likely forget.

"No, you don't understand! You think I'm being horrible to you and I'm not. I can't. It's just better you think that - easier. I can't ever lose control with you. You mustn't ever know."

The words pique Ricks interest and in spite of his better judgement he asks anyway. "What can't I know?" Vyvyan pulls him onto his lips. They're hot and rough and tainted sweet with alcohol. 

"How much I need you."

"Gosh, you're so lovely. I really hope you remember this."

He manages to get Vyvyan under the sheets without too much of a fuss but it's still a wicked temptation to get in by his side. He resists and lies on the rug. "You okay? Not gonna puke in my bed or anything are you?"

"Nah. I'll wait 'til you're in it."

"Very funny." He catches Vyvyan's weak smile and returns it. "Vyv?"

"Yeah."

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Will if you want me to be."

"Please. I've got something for you."

"If it's another one of your cleaning rotas then you can bloody-well shove it up your.."

"It isn't!" Rick grins and wraps himself in his duvet. "Think you'll like it."

"Okay. Um, Rick?"

"Yeah."

"Give us your hand for a minute." 

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"If this is another of your disgusting jokes then.."

"It isn't. Just want to try something."

"Oh alright!" Rick holds up his hand and Vyvyan takes it - their palms clasping together, fingers slotting into knuckles like they'd done it a thousand times.

"If we fell asleep like this would it bother you?"

"No. It doesn't bother me. I like holding your hand."

"Good. That's good. See you in the morning then."

"Yeah. See you in the morning, Vyv. Hope you have nice, erm, pleasant, erm, don't have too many bad.. Oh to hell with it, sweet dreams."

 _Sweet dreams?_ Vyvyan closes his eyes, grinning stupidly to himself. It didn't matter if Rick had really said it or not. Right now things had never been sweeter.


	13. Levelling up.

When Vyvyan wakes, Rick isn't where he'd left him: snuggled up on the rug by his side, and the hand that had been holding his when they'd fallen asleep is still reaching down over the bed in search. Vyvyan sighs in frustration and stuffs Rick's pillows under his thumping head until they're supporting his neck properly. He aches from head to toe when he remembers last night: the fall numbed by the great vat of alcohol he'd attempted to drown his sorrows in. He hadn't managed to get so much as a decent snog out of Tom, but when Rick had knelt between his knees, lovingly tending his injuries - those wide eyes filled with pained sympathy and his cheeks all tear stained and red, for once, he was glad he didn't have the bottle to go through with it. Strangely, it would have felt like he was being unfaithful even if Rick had done all manner of unspeakable acts with that girl. 

He groans and fumbles for the glass of water left out for him, draining it all in one gulp. The only way he really wants to rid himself of this hangover is to lie here with Rick - Rick's lickable thighs and perfect bum curled snug in the small space there was left while he nuzzles his neck, closes his eyes and let's the world come back around into focus. It's a favourite fantasy of his, and it would have been quite an innocent one if he hadn't known what it felt like to do it for real. He recalls every detail with remarkable clarity, and if he thinks really hard, Vyvyan can just about remember the exact temperature of Rick's lips on his. Their last kiss had been brief to say the least - barely a second of contact, but the mind numbing jolt to the very centre of his core had been startling and surprisingly sobering. There are the other fantasies of course, but the details of those are always that bit vague because despite the very best his vivid imagination has to offer, they hadn't actually happened... yet.

He feels the ache and absence next to him immediately, down to the very marrow of his bones - in a bed where the sheets are covered in the scent of disgustingly girlie shower gel, no less - and he curls in on himself, letting the empty hunger snarl through his even emptier stomach. His desire for Rick is getting desperate, and he realises there are probably much better ways of expressing it, but he's never allowed himself to put all that soppy mush into words before, not even within his own head. He lies still, deeply breathing, fighting the need to slide his hand inside his jeans to deal with the urge. He doesn't act on it. He simply grabs and adjusts the straining denim at the crotch, resting his hand there, letting the heart-pounding want devour him until he's rock hard and throbbing and the sound of the flushing toilet breaks the silence.

Rick is still here.

Deathly hungover and embarrassing horny or not, Vyvyan flings himself out of bed to listen to the soft footsteps in the bathroom. They pause at the sink; Rick is cleaning his teeth. He waits until the stream of running water stops and the shower is turned on and he can't help but smile at the sound of it accompanied by the lighthearted hum of Rick's voice. He grabs the handle of the cold tap and jerks it firmly to full flow, not having to wait very long for a response.

_"VYVYAN, YOU BASTARD! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I'M IN THE SHOWER!"_

"What? It's not me.. I'm not doing anything." He grins, turning it off and reaching for the other, winding it to maximum capacity. "Good morning by the way, Rick. I was just about to make myself a coffee. You want one?" He asks, rushing to reverse the order of hot and cold and then dialing them back again as Rick screams out in pain.

_"No I ruddy well do not want bloody coffee! Ahh, that's hot. Stop! Nnn-n-no.. now cold! Stop it, just stop it okay!"_

"Can't quite hear you. What is it you want?"

 _"Turn the water off now, Vyvyan! I swear to god!! Ow, now I've gone and got ruddy shampoo in my eye!"_  
   
"Ha! Hold on a minute, I'm just filling the kettle. Be right with you." He yells, grasping both taps and alternating them in turn, spraying hot and cold jets of water all over the kitchen until he's crying with laughter and Rick's shrieking rage is echoing around the room.

_"Stop being so bloody immature!"_

"Pardon?"

_"Ahh! Now you're burning my bottom! Stop.. God - Ahh - that's freezing! Aghh! - You... ahh! You stupid, godforsaken bloody arse-headed wanker!"_

When he thinks Rick has had enough, he turns off both taps, taking a much needed gobfull of water in through his smirk with his hands. He was glad he wouldn't have to be alone at the weekend anymore. Having Rick here with him like this, ranting insults through the wall, is much nicer. He likes it best when they're at home - enjoys the pleasant daily exchange of, _nighty night, Vyv,_ and _good morning, you girl!_ And he'd come to secretly love the mundane conversations of what and when they were going to eat and what lessons they'd both hated that day. It's only in bed that the fierce need for Rick consumes him.

Or maybe not..

"I suppose you think that's terribly funny, don't you? After the third time my patience is wearing pretty bloody thin. Well, go on.. what do you have to say for yourself??"

"Yes! As a matter of fact I do think it's funn-" As Vyvyan glances up from mopping the saturated worktop with Rick's 'for best' tea towel, he can't carry on this time. Rick is stood glaring at him in the doorway and he's naked, dripping from head to toe with both hands on his hips. The towel covering what little modesty he has left is slung so low across his stomach it's indecent and he's so inherently furious his whole face is glowing red. Vyvyan has the sudden urge to race up to him and snatch the towel away, possibly spank him on the bum with it, but perhaps even more worryingly, he has an overwhelming compulsion to apologise. "Was only a joke.."

"No it wasn't!"

"Course it was."

"You really, really hate me, don't you, Vyvyan?"

"No. Actually I.."

"Yes you do. Go on, admit it. Deep down. Inside. You really hate me."

"Rick, I've just said I don't hate you."

"Well I hate you!"

"What? But.. - why?"

"You're always so mean to me. After everything I do. However much fun we have. You have to ruin it. Don't know why I bother."

Vyvyan stares at him some more, incapable of feeling anything in that moment except total adoration and unbearable, heart-pounding lust. "Look, come on, don't be mad. Let me make it up to you?"

"How?"

"I can make you breakfast, if you like? If you're still not eating meat I can do something vegetarian?" He shrugs and tries to act normal. He knows the quickest way to Rick's heart is through his stomach so if he truly wants to make amends, he's going to have to try harder. "Just stay. Come on please. Sit down with me here. Won't even burn it, promise."

"Oh alright!" 

Rick's face softens slightly at his peace offering and, to Vyvyan's internal screaming delight, he climbs up on a stool at the small breakfast bar without covering himself up or running away to get dressed. 

Vyvyan goes about making two rounds of toast and fills two mugs from the kettle, his hands shaking as he opens the fridge and takes out the hard slab of butter. When Rick leans back and stretches his arms, raking all ten fingers slowly through the lengths of his hair, he stabs it angrily with the bread knife and smashes four eggs into a pan.

"You sleep well?" Rick asks, yawning and crossing his legs at the knee. The tops of his thighs are bare and as slicked wet as the golden hairs on his stomach. Vyvyan grits his teeth.

"Uhuh."

"You sure you're okay? You look a bit flustered." Rick's voice is soft again, just like last night. "I'm surprised you're awake. I'm sooo tired."

"Mm," Vyvyan makes a small noise in his throat as he scrambles the eggs into a frenzy and nudges a plate of toast in his direction. Rick is actually chatting to him like he didn't have a care in the world, sitting in front of him all soft and sleepy in a towel no bigger than the size of a fucking postage stamp! Where the hell was all of his crippling shyness now? And why is _he_ suddenly the one so self conscious?!

When the eggs look cooked enough not to give each of them food poisoning, Vyvyan straddles a stool on the opposite side still staring at the gentle slope of Rick's neck, following each rivulet of water as it rolls down his stomach invitingly and then into the bunched up towel. Rick catches his eye and smiles brightly at him before biting the corner of his toast. He smiles back but looks away again as a shiny glob of butter melts it's way down his chin. 

They eat in a silence that should be awkward, yet despite Vyvyan's imminent heart attack, it isn't awkward at all. It's actually quite... _nice? ___

__By the time he gets himself together enough to finish his coffee, it's gone cold. He drains the cup and Rick jumps up to refill it, pushing the sugar bowl towards him. This time he can't help it. "Thank you."_ _

__"No problem. I know one's never enough for you. Like most things, I suppose. Never knew you had such a taste for it. I bet it's one after the other like a revolving door when I'm not here, isn't it? Along with beer and cigarettes and, well, everything else you're so partial to."_ _

__Point taken! Vyvyan tuts, carefully chewing each mouthful so he doesn't choke on his nervousness. His throat feels so tight he's unable to swallow down the word-vomit that's threatening to spew from his lips and unveil all he's kept hidden. "I guess I'll have to work on a few of my..  bad habits then, won't I? Maybe you can teach me some of that staunch self control of yours, Miss. High-and-mighty, instead of telling me off like a teacher?"_ _

__"Well then, maybe I will. What's it to be then? A two or three cup kinda day?"_ _

__More like a three-litre bottle of vodka kinda day! Vyvyan thinks, shaking his head and refusing the refill whilst trying to maintain eye contact, not easy when his brain is working overtime and there's so much more of Rick on display for him to feast his ravenous eyes on. "You're wrong y'know. I don't have it when you're not here. Don't crave it. And one _is_ enough for me. I know that now. One's plenty enough, if it's strong enough to sort me out." He doesn't know if he's still talking about coffee but when Rick smiles at him again he feels as if he's about to die. "Oh stuff it! Think I'll just have a beer. Hair of the dog and all that. It is the weekend after all."_ _

__"You're unbelievable! How can you face it after last night? If you get wasted you're not sleeping in my bed again, Vyv. Ruddy forget it! That rug isn't as comfortable as it looks and you'd do well to remember that next time you decide to press self destruct!"_ _

__"Well! You started it! You chose to sleep on the floor. I didn't wake up with your big girly bottom in my face so don't blame me."_ _

__"Didn't hear you complaining the other day. Quite the contrary."_ _

__Rick swats him playfully on the arm and turns to put his plate in the sink, and, for the slightest heartbeat of a second, Vyvyan could have sworn he'd seen his gaze linger on his chest._ _

__He steps closer as if in a trance, staring at Rick's wet back. He stares even harder at the towel knotted by the side of his left hip, as if by magic it's is going to come undone and fall open if he stares hard enough. "Who says I'm complaining now?" His voice is low as he reaches over Rick's shoulder to put his cup in the sink. Rick doesn't move but it doesn't matter. They're standing so close, Vyvyan can actually feel the inch of air between their bare skin start to crack. _Fuck! You're so fucking beautiful, do you know that? Do you have any fucking idea? You're so insanely fucking beautiful I can't fucking stand it!__ _

__"Huh?"_ _

__"What! I never said anything!"_ _

__"I know, I said pass me your knife and fork too. You sure you're okay? Come here, let me feel your forehead.."_ _

__"No!" Before Rick can reach for him again he takes a step back, and another, filling Rick's hands with everything he'd left on the side. "I'm fine. Just hungover. Sorry." After his third apology, Rick is starting to look suspicious but carries on with the dishes. Vyvyan is just about to turn away again and break the tension when he spots an angry purple bruise below the towel, hidden in the small of Rick's back. "How d'ya get this?" He asks, skimming over it gently, his thumb circling the outline. Rick winces and and he watches the slight shudder of his shoulders._ _

__"..playing football. It's nothing. You were right, I am rubbish. I'm always getting hurt. Bruises all over me.." Rick hopes he sounds convincing enough and he's too afraid of the consequences to admit the truth: that the boy Vyvyan had been rolling around in bed with last night liked to practice his free kicks on him like he was playing football for England!_ _

__"You should have said. Could have fixed it for you."_ _

__"How?" Rick scrunches his eyes and bites the inside of his lip. Vyvyan is still touching him - his rough knuckles skimming up and down his spine. He can't move._ _

__"I'd have smothered you in cream."_ _

__"You...what?"_ _

__"..from my first aid kit!" Vyvyan rushes, stammering and blushing, which should have been Rick's job. "I've got loads of stuff for bruises. I could have made it better. Come to me next time.'_ _

__"What for?"_ _

__"Because.. it looks sore." Vyvyan dips his thumb just below the towel and hears Rick suck in a breath. He's so hard now that the blood needed for his brain to form sentences is suddenly diverted to much greedier organs._ _

__"No. I mean why do you have a first aid kit?"_ _

__"Coz wanna be a doctor."_ _

__"Yeah, but you're not a doctor yet, are you? What do you need a first aid kit for?"_ _

__"Doesn't matter. Don't worry, you're fine. It looks really... fine. Should be gone in a few days." Vyvyan says, dashing towards the window for some air. He needs it coz it suddenly occurs to him that everything between them is almost perfect already._ _

__This is almost all he wants: the two of them alone, doing something as simple as making and eating breakfast. He is almost happy, and this is possibly the first time in his life he's ever been conscious of that fact. He doesn't need to tell Rick that he'd learnt how to take care of himself the hard way. Back then, he didn't have a choice. It wasn't as if he could go running to his mother when he'd grazed his knee in the playground and got into a particularly violent fight, especially when her own boyfriend thought nothing of giving her defenceless child two frequently occurring black eyes. He knew Rick wasn't capable of hurting him like that, not physically anyway, but he'd wasted enough time on that bastard already. All that belonged in the past._ _

__"Get dressed when you've finished that, yeah? I need to show you something."_ _

__Rick shouts at him from the kitchen as he props himself at the window and lights a cigarette. He glances at his own bed still scattered with condoms and dried-in soil from his head and thinks of how large a piece is still missing from their so-called relationship._ _

__There are no words to explain how much he would have liked to have been able to lean forward and kiss the back of Rick's neck just then, somehow make everything better and still his annoying mouth with his own._ _

__There was nothing he wouldn't give to take Rick's hand when they waited for each other after school to walk home like they sometimes did, or lie next to him in bed watching television - pleasantly full and enjoying the evening together after dinner. He still stood his ground; relationships were pointless, and he's not really sure exactly what they entail, but he's quite certain that he wants it rather badly with Rick. All of it. He knows that he craves not only the right to touch him but the welcome invitation to do so, and if being in an exclusive relationship meant putting an end to all this biting, frustrating, infuriating sexual hell he was in right now then surely it couldn't be so bad.. could it?_ _

__To some extent they already do this: touch each other on purpose. He doesn't hesitate (and never has) to manhandle Rick out of the way when he wants something, and, on occasion, Rick had ordered him to put his blazer on for school and then struggled his arms into it without waiting. But the prospect of touching him like this is different and he craves that the most. He craves Rick's hands on him, or his mouth, the entire length of his body pressed flushed to his own as Rick grinds hard against him and comes all over his cock._ _

__He clears his throat and takes a long pull on the cigarette, hoping that Rick hadn't suddenly developed an ability to read his mind any further._ _

__"Nearly ready?"_ _

__"Yeah. Ready. Where are you taking me?" Vyvyan asks enthusiastically, even though he'd rather stay here with Cliff than leave things like this. Even the prospect of listening to something so vile and doing homework in silence is preferable. He'd worked last night's hair gel back into his head and shoved a tshirt on but he was still caught in the battle of what to do about things. He didn't want to burst this little bubble of happiness again, or break the airlock by opening the door to the outside world after Rick had played a blinder and they were finally on the same page. There was truly nowhere else he'd rather be but here._ _

__"Oh I think you'll really want what I've got in store for you."_ _

__The sound of the towel hitting the rug is like a rush of blood to the head and Vyvyan prods his cigarette out on the windowsill, not even daring to glance in the reflection._ _

__"I won't be a second. Can you take your keys?"_ _

__"Uhuh."_ _

__Rick is stood behind him even more naked than before._ _

_NAKED. NAKED. BLOODY FUCKERING NAKED!_ And Vyvyan can't stop. _Alright, alright! I give in! You win. Call the score one-fucking- all! I fucking love you!_


	14. Golden Boy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise this'll be the last chapter of teasing before we get to the good stuff. I just love writing them like this! Hope you're still with me :)

"Are you feeling any better?" Rick quietly asks, brushing a windswept curl of fringe out of his eyes and tucking his hands inside his jumper. Vyvyan nods but doesn't look at him.

"Uhuh. What's up? You cold?"

"I'm alright." He peers over the gate and down the street again, aware that his hands are shaking and he's dancing back and forth from one foot to the other. His teeth are starting to chatter too but it's fine. It wouldn't be long before he could go back indoors so he wasn't turning back for a coat now. He needs to be here for this, to see the look on Vyvyan's face.

"Here take this. I don't feel it much."

Vyvyan unzips his jacket and shrugs it off, handing it to him (a friendly gesture?) and Rick doesn't want to appear any more of a wimp than Vyvyan already thinks he is so he declines - the urge to cuddle up in the warm Vyvyan-scented leather extraordinary. "No. It's okay. He won't be long."

"Who won't be what? Look, why won't you tell me what this is all about? Up at this time in the morning, freezing our bollocks off in the rain. Stupid."

So it's raining? Rick hadn't noticed. "Just a bit longer. Just wait. You'll see." Vyvyan slings his coat back on and lights a cigarette, turning away from him to exhale and Rick doesn't say anything else. 

For whatever reason, Vyvyan had been behaving a little strange all morning: avoiding his eyes over breakfast and apologising profusely when they'd both reached for the button in the lift and their hands had smacked together. A whisper of cigarette smoke reaches him and he's back in the kitchen, facing the sink with Vyvyan's hands on his back - his touch so soft, so gentle and warm on his skin it's enough to make him blush. How he'd managed to withstand that exquisite agony without retaliation he'll never know.

"What?"

"Nothing." Rick smiles. "Vyv, do you remember last night?"

"I'd rather not."

"Fair enough." Maybe next time then? He thinks. It had to be a hangover. That had to be it. Vyvyan didn't appear to be angry or in one of his moods, quite the opposite actually. He'd been heartbreakingly sweet last night when Rick had put him to bed - albeit, extremely drunk and slurry and caked full of mud, but asking if they could fall asleep holding hands was enough to make Rick's brain want to burst its banks with happiness. Vyvyan still wanted to do that, with him, despite the compromising, horribly awkward position he'd been caught in with Sally. And Vyvyan had actually managed to cook them something normal and edible for breakfast for a change, which was another breakthrough in itself. 

"Good morning campers. And how are we both on this bright and breezy summers day? Everything going swimmingly in the love-nest?"

The swift arrival of Mike startles him but Vyvyan doesn't flinch. He doesn't even scoff or make fun of him when Rick almost jumps out of his skin. Rick studies his expression, checking to see if he'd guessed the surprise as Mike brings the bike he's perched upon to a roaring standstill and turns off the engine, dismounting in a rather clumsy fashion which makes Vyvyan grin.

"It's raining." Says Vyvyan, squinting through the brief gap in the clouds, the glare of the sun lighting up his cheekbones. 

"I see you got out on the wrong side of bed again. What about you, you alright?" 

Rick silently nods, watching Vyvyan suck on the cigarette.

"I didn't actually. I'm the very picture of joy and contented happiness. See: a constant fucking delight." Vyvyan exaggerates his grin so wide his foggy head starts to pound. He doesn't know what to do with himself, or quite where to look, but that was more than enough smiling for one day. If he'd learnt anything from last night at all, it was that it probably wasn't a good idea to drink so much he blacked out, or attempt to shag a bloke in the same room as a boy who just had to smile at him like that and his heart jumped a few bars of a bloody Mexican hat dance! Especially when his best mate had shown up looking so damn smug about it. Uh, he hated Mike sometimes. Mike instantly saw straight through him like air, the bastard. "What are you doing here? Did you know about this?" He glances minutely towards Rick, who's still looking at him. The fact that Rick had been staring at him ever since they'd arrived in the car park was unnerving to say the least, and he couldn't bear to make eye contact given how naked he was moments ago in their bedroom. The silence in the lift wasn't awkward this time though. It was nice. Relaxed and comfortably charged with something Vyvyan didn't dare put his finger on in so much of a worked up state. If his suspicions were correct: if Rick really did have those sort of feelings for him, however slight, he would have to wait until they were alone again to investigate. "You invited Mike? That's the big surprise? The pubs aren't even open yet, Rick."

"I'm not here to hang out with you this time," Mike interrupts, pushing and steadying the bike against the school gate. "You can beat me at pool another day. There is such a thing as a third-wheel y'know. No, I'm here to give you this." Vyvyan looks a mix of confused and deathly hungover. Not unusual for him, Rick notes. "It's the right one, isn't it? The blue one you had your eye on in that shop window in Kilburn. The Ducati?"

"Yes, but.."

"It came in yesterday, a minor paintwork repair, so it's only on loan. Thought you'd appreciate a borrow, well, Rick did. So it's yours 'til Monday until I can drop your car back. Go and have some fun. Let off some steam, or whatever you wanna do. But bring it back in one piece for Christ sake or my dad will ground me til I'm ninety. Well? What do you think?"

" _You_ did this?" 

Vyvyan finally breaks the spell, staring back, and Rick doesn't know what to say. There's no moisture left in his mouth whatsoever and he swallows again, gulping hard. "Yes." He starts, "I thought you'd like it.."

"For me. You did this, for me?"

"It was meant to be an apology for, well, you know what for.. but since last night, I'd say it's probably you who owed me one. Anyway, do you like it? I thought you'd like it. It's just that Mike said you'd like it and I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"No one's ever done anything nice for me." Vyvyan still can't look at the motorcycle and he ignores the increasing colour he imagines is flushing his entire face pink. "No one's ever done anything, ever. Come here." 

Rick wants to act cool in front of Mike - act like his distress call was nothing to worry about and he's perfectly fine with the way things are, thank you very much, and then Vyvyan launches himself towards him, grabbing and hugging him so tight he can't breathe and he can't help but hug back, burying his nose in the side of Vyvyan's hair. "It's nothing. It was, nothing."

"You're the best!" 

"Then you're forgiven." He closes his eyes, absorbing every intricate detail of Vyvyan's spontaneous embrace and Mike's voice has to fight it's way through the hallelujah chorus in his head just to be heard.

"I'm never gonna hear the end of this am I? Well, that ought to do the trick. Be careful what you wish for, eh Rick? You're even more the golden boy now." 

"Huh?" 

It's less than half a beat of Vyvyan's breath on his neck yet Rick feels the ripple effect simmer all the way down his spine. 

"Nothing. Never mind. Can I use your phone? I need to call a taxi and I wouldn't want to keep you. You probably have somewhere you'd much rather be and you really are in the middle of nowhere here. Then I'll leave you two alone, alright? Vyvyan? Vyvyan!" Mike snaps his fingers but Vyvyan doesn't let go. "Oi, Romeo!"

"Sorry, what? Yes. Course. Phone. Bedroom."

"Well thanks for that. Mind if I have your keys?" 

"Yeah, sure." This time Vyvyan does pull back and tucks the wayward curl on his forehead softly behind his ear. Rick still has hold of his shoulders. "I'll be right back." He nods and Vyvyan takes the helmet from Mike and hands it to him. "Here. Try this for size."

"What? I'm not.. I'm not coming with you! I can't! I've got homework to do."

"What homework?"

"Loads of stuff. Biology for a start!"

"Leave it with me."

"Don't throw it out the window this time please Vyv."

"I won't. On your desk is it?"

"Yes. But. I can't. It's dangerous! I can't get on a motorcycle. Are you insane! My parents would kill me!"

"So then don't tell them." Vyvyan grins wickedly, stripping away every bit of his self control as he says: "There's nothing to be scared of. Trust me. I can ride this with my eyes closed."

"Don't even think about it!"

"Ha! Only joking, Mike."

Rick's heart hammers at the mental image of Vyvyan on that bike - straddling the seat, his strong thighs riding the leather. _Oh God, yes!_ "But.. There's no room, is there? What if I fall off? Wait a second, there's only one helmet."

"You'll have to hold on really really tight then, won't you? Dont worry. I won't let you fall. Now I'll be five minutes tops. Wear the damn helmet." Vyvyan turns to leave and Rick is still protesting strongly. One way or another, he isn't letting this go again. It would be sorted today, he'd make sure of it, and if Rick absolutely had to be wrapped around him as they hurtle through the streets on the bike of his dreams, then so be it.

On the journey upstairs, Vyvyan fills Mike in on the events of the past twenty-four hours, coming clean about everything like he's damned in confession. Getting the whole sordid mess out of his system is nothing but relief, and, once Mike had paused his hysterics to wipe the tears from his eyes - and he'd given him a playful clip round the ear - he's handed one last, vital piece of advice as they enter the bedroom.

"Bloody hell, you two ain't half a special pair of stupid! Need your heads banging together to knock some sense into you. For reasons I can't fathom, Rick is crazy about you."

"Oi! Cheeky bastard. I bloody wish."

"Oh wake up and smell the tequila, Vyvyan."

"Don't, Mike. I'll be sick!"

"Maybe you give this one a chance before you shag someone else this time, eh? Before he gets himself a girlfriend? Do yourselves a favour and cut out the middle man."

Once inside, he makes a beeline for Rick's desk - Mike's words in his ears -  tossing the endless stream of books to the floor in a heap until he finds the correct textbook and rummaging around in the drawers for some paper. This wouldn't take long at all. Fourth year biology was nothing he hadn't done before. It was laughable. Easy. A piece of cake. He'd have most of Rick's spazzy homework completed before Mike even hangs up the telephone.

And that's when he sees it, scribbled childishly in Ricks hand. Page upon page of everything he'd dreamed of.

_Dear Vyv, (oh I don't like the Dear. Far too formal. To? Just Vyv? Oh whatever!) Vyvyan, I need to tell you something. I have never before written a letter like the one I am writing you now. This is difficult to do and difficult to say, but there is something I feel you need to know. You deserve to know the truth, at least. Knowing as I do that you do not share my feelings of that nature, I need to attempt to salvage our friendship._

He pauses. Gasps. It's impossible to blink as he rushes through everything explaining Rick's actions and what had really happened with Sally. He focuses immediately on a paragraph that jabs him in the gut like a lightning bolt and has to steady himself on a chair.

_Vyvyan, what I'm trying to say, in a very rambling sort of way, is that I love you. That is, I am in love with you. I am absolutely, a hundred percent truthfully, heart-stoppingly, ridiculously and hopelessly besotted. And I know that at my age you probably think I have no concept of what love is. This is why I have to explain. It's bad enough seeing you everyday. Waking up with you. Going to bed with you (and yet, not with you.) Clearing up after you and going to sleep on the floor at your feet like your slave (I'd rather be your slave than her boyfriend.) But it's a million times worse that I do all these things and you have no idea why. I know what love is. Perhaps there was a time when I didn't believe in it. It only happened in books or to other people or on television, but then I met you, and I learned._

_It's more than just words, or a sick feeling in my stomach like I've eaten a whole box of chocolates. Love is learning to compromise, wanting to compromise, wanting to share, wanting to meet the other person’s needs. Cheer them up when they've had a bad day at school or an argument with a - rather mean, shall we say, family member. Perhaps you would say that I am not very good at any of those things either, and perhaps you would be correct. The difference is that I want to be good at those things, for you. I want to never forget to wait for you after class. I want to always notice when you've left a room, and I do now coz I missed you so blimmin' much last night. Love means the other person being the centre of your solar system. Your Orions belt. Your highest priority. And you have to know that you are mine. Love means sacrifice, and I've done that for you more times than you'll ever know. (Perhaps a sacrifice doesn’t count when the bruises disappear?) I don't care. I still do it. Love is doing everything to ensure the other person's happiness. To do whatever it takes to make them smile, and hopefully my present to you today will do just that. Without you, my life has no meaning. No fun. No adventure. No point. I realise that you cannot help feeling a certain way, or having certain needs that I wish I could fulfil instead, any more than I can help feeling the way I do. I hold you blameless in this. You did nothing wrong. This was me. This was all me. I love you, so much. And hopefully I'll have the guts to tell you one day, coz I don't think I can give you this letter (you're right: I am a coward.) Until then I'll have to carry on being yours from afar._ _Love,_ _Your Rick._

Vyvyan looks at the word  _love_ for a long time. "Right. That settles that then."

"What are you on about? You ready to go or what? Rick's waiting."

Vyvyan wipes his eyes hard and folds up the paper, slipping it safe back inside the notebook. He didn't have to read it again. It was stupidly clear. All of it. He was the most self-centred, selfish and brainless idiot in the universe, and he was utterly head over heels for a romantic sap of a boy who was the bravest and kindest, most honest and brilliant person he'd known. His next move is obvious. He spikes up his hair and turns up his collar as they head out in the hall.

Into battle then..

They sneak back to the gate and Rick has the helmet on his head, wrestling with the chin strap and cursing at it from underneath the visor. He has his sleeves rolled up like it's an arduous task and Vyvyan stands still and watches. It's the first time he's seen Rick in his normal, non-uniform attire. Well, as 'normal' as he imagines it gets for Rick. He has dark fitted jeans on and a thin, baggy jumper and Vyvyan stares at the neckline that exposes a slight dip of pale collarbone and a sliver of snug white vest. (Rick looks incredible in that vest!) When Rick takes off the helmet, tucks it under his arm and smiles at him, he finds it's too late, that he's already smiling back. He's looking at Rick and somehow really seeing him, like it's different and new. Like he's looking at him for the first time.

"Ready?"

"Absolutely." He says and gets on the bike.

Out in the countryside, Vyvyan tells him you can drive for miles and miles before you see another person. Rick likes the sound of that: being alone at last without another living soul. No one to intrude and muck it up this time.

Away from school, he tells Rick there are fields upon fields that go on forever and on a clear night you can count every star in the sky. It's horribly girly but he knows Rick appreciates that sort of thing.

When they pause at a deserted set of traffic lights, Rick asks if they can go somewhere he likes - do something that he enjoys doing at the weekend when he's here by himself, and Vyvyan agrees to show him his typical Saturday as Ricks whole body presses into his back - the wind whistling in his hair as the thrum of the motorcycle rumbles beneath them.

"Faster, Vyv!" 

"Alright." Like the devil of temptation on his shoulder, he gives in to Rick, although Vyvyan, with his hand on the throttle, had never known what it's like to take it slow. After a moment of breakneck speed down a hill, he slows and taps the brake. The muscles in Ricks legs squeeze instinctively around him and his left hand comes to settle on his belt. Interesting..

"Whoa! Careful I nearly slipped.."

"You're fine. You're doing great. You just need to learn to balance, that's all. Maybe if you put both hands there?"

"Okay." 

Cold arms slide around him, crossing at his waist and soft hands mould to his body as if the were made to fit as he's completely surrounded in Rick. Vyvyan concentrates on the road ahead, grateful that no one can see his pathetically uncool, dreamy grin.

Each time he taps the brake, Rick holds on tighter. It's a cheap trick, admittedly, but it's way too good to pass up. The world continues to blur past them in inconsequential streaks as Rick giggles and moves his hands up inside his shirt and nothing else matters. He'd be fair about it and give Rick precisely three seconds to get his bearings before snogging him senseless when they reach the lake, but right now this is truly the most perfect moment of his life. He's pretty sure he could ride along for ever with Rick beside him like this.


	15. In Deep.

The light shines through the gap in the curtains and into the gray of the bedroom, painting bright stripes across Vyvyans bare back. Rick is usually up and about by now but with no school and having Vyvyan sleeping soundly in his bed, he has no desire to move for the moment. Instead, he gazes up from the floor, enjoying having nowhere in particular to be until later and enjoying the slight brush of Vyvyan's left hand on his arm. He shuffles closer and takes the hand in his again, palm to palm. He could get used to waking like this even if it meant sleeping on the floor every night for the rest of term. "Morning." He whispers. There's no reply.

He wants to crawl up there and wake Vyvyan - ask him if last night had meant anything and if he remembers all the things he'd said. 

_"I can't ever let go with you, Rick. You mustn't ever know.."_

_"What can't I know?"_

_"How much I need you."_

_"Gosh, you're so lovely."_

But, stupidly, other parts of Rick's body are telling him he wants more and he wriggles around underneath his duvet in an attempt to fidget those feelings away. His cock had been hard ever since the rising sun had opened his eyes and as hard as he tries, this time he can't fight it. Vyvyan is just too close. 

Rick releases Vyvyan's hand, letting it fall limp by the side of the bed, ignoring the flashing image flickering before his eyes each time he dares to blink: that pale, perfect form sprawled out shirtless beneath Tom last night. It's going to take some time to get over seeing Vyvyan like that so he starts by standing and quietly staring, committing every slight freckle on his shoulders to memory. There's still mud in his hair. "You're so stupid." He whispers, smiling and pulling the duvet off the floor, draping it gently over his back. Vyvyan sounds like he'll be out for hours yet so Rick dares to lean closer and press his lips to the nape of his neck. "I love you."

He opens the cage door and throws SPG a generous handful of food. He isn't awake either when he taps on the bars so he sits himself at his desk and picks up a pencil. If no one's awake to listen to him then he's going to have to deal with things the old fashioned way.

_Dear Vyvyan..._

The full force of the hot shower on his back does nothing to turn him off. Annoyingly, he's still as hard as a rock. It's a risk he's going to have to take and he knows he doesn't have time yet the fantasy plays out regardless like a scene from an old movie: he and Vyvyan out walking late at night. Stopping under a street lamp. Hand-in-hand. Vyvyan turning to him and looking down with intent in his eyes as he bends to put his mouth to his in a long, warm press of lips. Vyvyan's strong arms closing around him in a sweep of worn leather. A slip of breath, light touch of tongues. Breaking apart to smile. Breathless laughter and long looks. Vyvyan's deep voice wickedly suggestive and Rick shivering with anticipation in his arms..

No. Not now, he thinks. There's no time for all of that now, he isn't alone. He'd better cut to the chase and get straight to the good stuff today.

He turns to face the shower and steadies his stance, his erection already bobbing against his stomach - twitching impatiently to be touched. He pauses to listen. There's no noise from the bedroom. No reason to rush this part. He's safe at least for now. He lets his hands drift slowly over his stomach, the fine hair there rising in anticipatory gooseflesh as fingertips float over smooth skin.

Rick imagines they're Vyvyan's hands: a rough thumb scraping his nipple, thick fingers pinching with a firmer touch. It's so quiet he can hear his breath hitting the steam - speeding up in short gasps as his palm curves over his hip and down over his thigh, bypassing his throbbing erection. Closing his eyes, he pictures Vyvyan's wild head of hair and imagines how it would feel soaking and gliding through his fingers. He imagines Vyvyan's pink lips and flushed cheeks and his dripping wet chest pressed against his. He keeps his eyes closed and imagines Vyvyan is leaning in to kiss him as his hands move lower.

He's still holding back, leaning forwards, long hair drenched flat to his head, one hand on the wall, the other inching its way up his thigh and purposely stalling. He knows Vyvyan's lips are soft even if his touch and his body would be firm and when he thinks of Vyvyan kneeling down in front of him, not touching him with anything but his tongue, he can't put this off any longer. He quickly pumps a splat of Vyvyan's cheap shower gel in his palm, way past the point of no return, his cock immediately leaping for attention in response and every one of his senses tingling.

"Christ, Vyv!" 

He stifles the moan, not sure how far such a desperate sound would carry.

Would Vyvyan hear him?  
Does he want him to?  
Does Vyvyan do this in the shower too?  
Does he like it like this: hard and fast, or does Vyvyan prefer to draw it out and make it last?  
Would Vyvyan get in with him and take over? Bend him over the bath and fuck him right here?

That thought makes Rick's hips jerk wildly, his fist moving faster and whole arm tensing under the strain.

Does Vyvyan think of him when he comes?

"Oh fuck!"

Any more of those thoughts and it would be over, and that's exactly what Rick wants - what he needs. Sweet release. Sweet, sheer relief from the debilitating arousal that's dominating his every thought. He'd managed to edit this to a basic three minute routine whenever he's running late for lessons so bites his lip and goes for the jugular: Vyvyan's hands. The dimples on the small of his back. The stud in his left nipple. His strong legs and soft eyes and the smell of his rinsed hair gel in the bath when Rick uses it after him. The smooth tops of his thighs. The way they feel wrapped around him. The weight and pressure all hot against his back as Vyvyan moans in his hair, licks the sweat off his neck like he's starving for it, rips into his pyjamas, thrusts deep inside him and squeezes a tight fist round his cock.

The next moan is louder and rips from his throat. Rick leans on the back of his hand, crying out through gritted teeth and biting his thumb at the knuckle, unable to move as his whole body rushes and spasms angrily at once and he's coming so hard chunks of grout gather under his fingernails, his legs hollowing and liquid as if they're swept out from under him.

"Wow.." 

He rinses all physical evidence from the tiles, the shower still beating mercilessly against his skin and calming his quivering body. He feels instantly satisfied and clear headed, as if the brutal urge to come screaming his best friends name had never existed, until the warmth and pleasure fades and the shower blasts suddenly ice cold. 

"God dammit Vyvyan!"

 

***

 

"God dammit Vyvyan! You're such a stupid, stupid idiot!"

"I'm sure you're right but why?"

"What were you playing at - going so bloody fast? Breaking like that when that van pulled out? I nearly flew right over the handlebars. And look at the state of me, I'm still shaking! That's the last time I'm getting on a ruddy motorcycle with you Vyvyan. The last time I'm doing ANYTHING with you.." Rick tears off the helmet, leaps off Vyvyan's back and stomps sternly over the grass, purposely tutting loud enough for Vyvyan to hear. His pulse roaring in his ears and increasing with the pace of his stride. The perfect moment had been ruined again, and this time he can't decide by who. He doesn't know if he's genuinely angry with Vyvyan or more frustrated with himself, and after this morning's incredibly vivid fantasy, the heady thrill of finally holding the boy of his dreams and too many near-death experiences on the road, there's an overwhelming flood of emotions to deal with. This mess will never be sorted.

"Rick, wait.." Vyvyan realises the 'snogging him senseless' plan would have to be shelved for now as he chases Rick on the bike and stares shamelessly at his arse. "Will you just wait a minute. I was going to.. I need to.. Need you to.."

"Leave me alone."

"Well you certainly will be alone if I do that. There's no way you'll get back to school on foot. Oh bollocking-bloody-Christ, I'm getting mud all over this damn thing, and all up the back. For fuck sake." Rick huffs and stops and Vyvyan can tell he's furious even from here. Maybe his ever so slightly reckless driving had backfired a tiny bit but he hadn't meant it on purpose. There was too much to concentrate on at once. The oncoming traffic didn't stand a chance against the warmth of Rick's arms around him. The roar of the engine through the seat of his jeans was enough to make him hard, let alone Rick's knees slotted perfectly behind his, his hands up his shirt and his voice all high pitched with excitement. He was only bloody human!

"And you can stop smirking!"

"I'm not smirking. I'm smiling."

"You scared me." 

"Well. It's your fault. You were the one telling me to go faster. What was I supposed to do?"

"Oh come off it, Vyv. When have you ever listened to a word I say?"

"I do. I do listen. I'm.. " Vyvyan slings the bike in a nearby hedge and decides to make a run for it. It'd be safe enough for the time being and there's no one around for miles to nick it. "Fuck me, you're fast. Come back here. I'm.."

"What, you're sorry again? Is that it? Is that supposed to make everything alright? Sorry doesn't fix things, Vyvyan. Stop playing all your pathetic tricks on me. Stop doing things you need to apologise for in the first place and stop putting yourself in danger. It isn't funny. You're not indestructible, y'know. No matter how much you like to think you are."

"Aw Rick, that's sweet. Really, I didn't know you cared."

"Oh just, piss off!"

"Piss off yourself! I don't need this right now. Not when I was this close to.." _kissing you_ "Look, we're supposed to be having fun today, not tearing lumps out of each other. What do you want me to do?"

"Go away!"

"No."

Vyvyan is breathless when he catches up. Grabbing Rick by the shoulders when he comes to his senses. Tensed fists releasing and palms sliding hungrily down his chest. "Okay. Fine. I'll try, alright? I'll try and be better if that's what you want. Whatever you want. I was going to.." _kiss you._ "I need to.." _KISS YOU._ "I was wondering if I could.." _Oh God!_

"What?"

"Talk to you."

"Go on then."

They're finally out in the open, chest to heaving chest and Vyvyan can't think straight. Rick tuts and looks up at him expectedly, golden sun in his hair and his eyes lit up from within, drawing him ever closer: a hypnotic kaleidoscope of aquamarine and sky blue all swirling together like magic.

"Well?"

"Your eyes are green."

"Sometimes." Rick shrugs. "Sometimes they're blue. Depends."

"On what? Whether or not you're in a girly strop?" Vyvyan jokes, biting down his grin with a dash of regret. All this time spent staring and he'd been too blind to see. "I've never noticed."

"Why would you? You're always too drunk to focus. That's what you wanted to tell me, the colour of my own eyes? Great talk, Vyv."

Rick doesn't look angry anymore and he should be. He has every bloody right to be! And Vyvyan feels even worse. He can't say it now. "Forget it. It'll keep." He drags Rick through the trees by the arm, kicking out at the long grass angrily, awkwardly, longing to throw himself at Rick's mercy and snog his stupid little brains out. He can't do that either. He'd never felt like this: so lost. This is it. This is the moment he'd hoped for all along, and he's doing absolutely nothing about it.

"Where are we going?"

"The lake like I said last night. You wanted me to show you, didn't you?" Rick nods. Vyvyan wipes his clammy hands on his jeans. "Through these trees. They'll be no one here yet, just us. I hid a bottle in one of these bushes and I've gotta get out of the sun. It's too bright, I can't stand it."

"Why what are you, a vampire?"

"No, a redhead. Come on." Vyvyan shoves him along.

Rick briefly glances at Vyvyan's hair in the sunlight, a smile of his own threatening to edge it's way across his lips as his hand is grabbed loosely and he's lead deeper into the woods. Vyvyan is nice enough to clear the way - holding back branches in their path - and he manages to dodge them quite well when they're flung back in his face with beats of infuriating laughter. No more arguments, Rick warns himself, rolling his eyes and biting his tongue.

Vyvyan pushes Rick in front as they go. All of this is bound to be easier if he can't see his face - not that he has a clue how to explain his behaviour. The countless scribbles in Rick's notebook were all well and good but it was pretty clear Rick wasn't going to make the first move and put those words into practice, the wimp! Vyvyan smiles at the irony. Maybe Rick already had? He _had_ kissed him first after all. He'd kissed him first four times. Maybe he'd been too blind to see that, too? Maybe he'd been too quick to call Rick a coward? His palms are sweating profusely - dripping, and he can't breathe for the swarms of butterflies fluttering like crazy in his stomach. Maybe they aren't so different after all.

"This is nice." Rick sighs, slipping his hands in his pockets as they come to a clearing and make their way to the waters edge.

Vyvyan agrees, right hand rigid by his side, at a loss what to do without having Rick's to hold. He'd never stopped to notice the scenery before - there was never really much point, but it is kind of pleasant to look at and a surprising contrast to the puddles of vomit, beer cans and fag ends of last night. The world is a different place through Rick's eyes: better and brighter - almost childlike, and although that is a truly revolting, terrifying thought, the wind had let up and the sun isn't as fierce here, allowing Vyvyan to cease squinting and his scowl to soften temporarily. _'It's nice because you're here,'_ he thinks. "It beats sticking pins in your eyes I suppose," he says.

"I can see why you come here." Rick says, nudging Vyvyan's elbow as they walk side by side. 

"Yeah, to get drunk."

"You can do that at home."

"Not with your nagging!"

"I wouldn't have to nag you if you behaved like a grown-up." 

"Soz mum." Rick scoffs and links his arm in his. Vyvyan tenses his bicep to keep it there and hears Rick quietly clear his throat. 

"Well, um, I like it here anyway. It's better than school grounds. So peaceful and relaxing. I think it's nice."

"I think you're nice."

"Yeah? Well I think you're a nightmare." 

"Oi!" Vyvyan nudges back a little harder than he meant. Was he going mad? Did he really just admit that he thought Rick was _nice_ and all Rick could do was laugh?

"Well you are! You are a nightmare." Rick continues, squeezing the arm to soften the blow. "You drink too much. You smoke too much. You don't do any housework - or any homework whatsoever, yet you still seem to pass every lesson with flying colours despite sleeping in 'til lunchtime and skiving school to go to the pub. And you practically throw yourself at any boy who bothers to buy you a pint coz you're too drunk to know what you're doing." 

"You bought me a pint."

"I d-don't mean me." Rick stammers. "I don't count."

"Yes you do. Of course you do."

"So I'm your friend, fair enough. But you're worth so much more than that, can't you see?" He sighs and chickens out. This will never, ever be sorted. Vyvyan will never know how he feels because he'll never pluck up enough courage. He needs to tackle this logically and stop mooning over him like a typically besotted schoolboy. They're so close again. Their hips pressing together as they walk, and Rick is unbelievably close to getting everything he wants, if only he's brave enough to reach out and take it. If only there was a way to make Vyvyan say it first.

"I don't pass all my lessons either. I'm not a bloody swot! You're the one that spends days with your nose pressed in a book, not me. I'm not like that. Have you quite finished having a go at me today, Rick?"

"No actually, I haven't. While we're on the subject.."

They're stood still and and staring again, Vyvyan facing the lake, probably with his mouth hanging open as Rick carries on his rant.

"You're a lot smarter than you think you are."

"I am not!"

"It isn't an insult, Vyvyan. You _are_ smart. You're smart and funny and popular. Gorgeous and so cool, and you're wasting it on boys who don't give a shit about you and just want to get in your pants."

Vyvyan reaches in a patch of nettles to retrieve the bottle of wine he'd stashed there last night, twisting his teeth in the cork and flinging it away before taking a grimacing swig. "Ugh! Well it tastes like shite so it must be doing me some good." Rick is definitely looking at him as he gulps it down, and most definitely at his lips when he wipes them on his hand - crimson red streaks on the back of his knuckles. "Sounds to me like you're jealous." The wine instantly hits his cheeks and fills them with heat. Yeah. Definitely the wine..

"Well I'm not. I just want you to be happy, that's all. That's what best friends want.. for their best friends. And if Tom makes you happy, then so be it."

"How d'ya know his name?"

Rick shrugs, looking beyond Vyvyan's shoulder as far as his eyes allow. "Doesn't everyone? Think he'd given all the lads in my class a black eye on their first day!"

"Even you?"

"No." He lies. He can't tell Vyvyan the truth about Tom either. Even if Vyvyan didn't fancy him, no good could come of it. It wasn't as if Vyvyan needed an excuse for a fight. Then he'd get expelled and it would ruin everything, break Rick's heart into a million pieces and completely destroy every disfunctional thing that they had. He winces when Vyvyan passes him the wine and their hands touch. He takes a small sip and passes it back. "All I'm saying is, you don't need to be in any more trouble. You shouldn't be with him. You should be with someone else. Someone who can see your worth. Someone nice."

 _Yeah, you!_ Vyvyan thinks. It isn't what he says but he's doing much better. He takes another long glug, coughing a sour mouthful up his nose, adrenaline surging and spiking as he tries to swallow without gagging, changing the subject by inspecting the label. "Nineteen-sixty-what? This is way out of date."

"I think it's supposed to be out of date. Where did you get it?"

"Nicked it from Toms uncles pub." He replies, close to grabbing the metaphorical light bulb buzzing and bursting above his head. "Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Truth or dare?"

"That's a bit juvenile isn't it?"

"No it's a great game."

"Truth then, if I must. What do I do?"

"Tell the truth and drink." Vyvyan grins at Rick's eagerness to play the game. Rick looks so enthusiastic he could get away with murder. "Did you do anything with that girl? Did it go.. anywhere?" He takes off his jacket and lays it on the grass. Nervously gesturing for Rick to sit down. "I know you don't wanna get dirty, your majesty. I know what you're like."

"I'm fine." Rick shakes his head, holding on to the last scrap of dignity he has. "Sally just happened. I don't really know how. One minute we were sitting there, the next she was all over me. Started undoing her blouse and my trousers and that's when you walked in. It was nothing more than that." He shrugs, "She's alright. Suppose I kind of liked it.." 

"Shut up and drink."

Rick dutifully does, gulps a little and gives it back. "Truth or dare?" 

"You gonna dare me to jump in?"

"Would you do it?"

"Maybe."

"Then maybe." Rick smiles. 

"I'll take truth."

"Do you really like Tom?"

"No. Not my type," Vyvyan admits, "truth be told, I should have stayed at home last night. And as sad as it is, I would have had much more fun with you."

"You should have."

"I know." Vyvyan gulps. "Where were we? Oh yeah," he drags himself back to the present, filling his throat to the brim with wine, "these were all old and covered in dust and just lying around in the cellar. Practically begging to be stolen. Pretty careless if you ask me, and it says here this is Oak. I don't want my beer made out of trees. Here, you have it. It'll put hairs on your chest."

"My mum says they're good when they're old. Superlative."

"Fuck off, posh boy."

"Ours are nicer. This one smells like battery acid."

"Doesn't taste like it though."

"And you'd know all about that, wouldn’t you? You'd drink anything. Seeing as you're a MASSIVE alcoholic."

They take turns jibing at each other, nudging and drinking and giggling until there's nothing but dregs in the bottle.

"Puff!"

"Bastard!"

"Virgin!"

"Slut!" Rick cringes, knowing exactly what to do next and knowing the very second he says the next sentence, it would be too late to take back. Would Vyvyan be angry? Hit him? Beat him to a sorry pulp like he does with the others? Would it hurt his feelings? Make Vyvyan pull away? Run away? Was this a bad idea? For the first time since they'd known each other, Rick is genuinely scared, but if he knows Vyvyan like he thinks he does, this should work like a charm. He takes a deep breath and says it anyway, bracing himself for the worst. Here goes nothing.

"That's probably why you moved here, isn't it? Coz you've slept with everybody back home." 

It's fight or flight and instinctive. Of course Vyvyan isn't going to hurt Rick, not seriously anyway, but it's buzzing through his system like an searing electric shock: anger. Pure. Unadulterated. Seething. Anger. The tranquillity of the scene spoiled by the decending red mist. Before Vyvyan knows what he's doing, he's already doing it: shoving Rick into the lake, backwards and with so much force the typhoon of splash-back blurs his vision. "You utter, utter cock! I do have some self control, y'know. I'm not some kind of monster who just fucks everything that moves. I can't believe you said that. Is that really what you think of me?" Rick bobs to the surface and screeches something in the air. "Sorry, what was that? I can't hear you over the sound of your poofy overreacting. Bloody drama queen." This is much better than a fight. Rick heaves and struggles to wipe the wet curtain of fringe from his eyes and Vyvyan watches, grinning at the spectacular result. 

Rick wades a little further out when Vyvyan looks away to finish the wine, screaming at the top of his lungs to make sure he can hear. "I was lying before. I REALLY DO HATE YOU."

"Good! I really hate you too. Go ahead and die, see if I care. I want to see you drown." The words are forcing themselves out at the speed of light and Vyvyan is no longer in control of them. "I don't know what the hell I ever saw in you, Rick. You're sooo not right for me. I _am_ better off alone. Must need my head examining to think I ever thought otherwise." He breathes, his heart both racing and breaking as Rick struggles and gasps and continues to splash around theatrically. "You can stop pretending now. This is over. THIS IS SO FUCKING OVER! I am so done with you. Actually, no, I'm not totally done.."

Rick takes a quick blast of air, kicking out at the rocks by his feet, propelling himself around to face the consequences. Vyvyan is still shouting and he's stunning. Rick can't take his eyes off him.

"I liked you, Rick. I hate everyone in the entire fucking universe and I really, really liked you. This could have been good, me and you. We could have been great. I thought you were special. Turns out you're a prick."

Vyvyan isn't just mad like he thought he'd be. He actually sounds like he's jacking it in. Rick has to do some serious damage limitation and quick, or else he'd lose this before it gets started. "I like you too." He yells, accidentally swallowing a mouthful of muddy water. "I always have. It's always been you, always. I'm.." it runs from his nose and he loses his footing and stumbles, ".. sorry."

"You what?" Rick's head dips under the water. He's a lot further out than Vyvyan first thought and he rushes to the edge, sliding down the embankment on his knees like last night; too much dirt in the tread of his boots. "Say that again, what you just said. Say it again."

"I FANCY YOU TOO!" Rick yells, making sure he's looking directly at Vyvyan whilst letting his shoulders sink under and reaching up for his hand. He's definitely going to hell for this. "Help me. Please help me. I can't swim."

"Oh fuck! Why the fuck didn't you fucking say?" Vyvyan slides further on his hands and knees, up to his elbows in mud, reaching out as far as he can.

"How was I supposed to know you were going to push me in!" Rick tries to sound convincing in his best, most pleading voice. "Hurry, I don't wanna die!"

"You're not gonna die, you girl. I'll never be that lucky. Breathe. Try and breathe. It's okay. It's all gonna be fine now. Stand still while I find something for you to grab on to."

"I can't. I can't reach the bottom."

"It's your fault for having such stumpy little legs. Shouldn't be such a short-arse!"

"Oh Vyv, I really am going to miss your silly jokes. Say goodbye to SPG for me."

 _Fuck!_ Vyvyan may have been furious but he didn't literally want to kill the annoying git. Now he can't think clearly enough to decide what to do. He's shouting something about kicking legs, holding on and staying calm, but his heart is in his mouth and his beloved is drowning before his eyes. He can't blink as the surface of the lake stills with Rick trapped below. The sound of his last breath will probably haunt him forever. "Fuck! Hold on. Rick? Rick! I'm not losing you again, not like this. Do you hear me?" The shock cuts through him like a thousand icy neadles plunging in his belly, enough to take his breath away as he dives into the dark. He finds Rick immediately and pulls him onto his chest, his hands urgently sliding for purchase on the mudslide as Rick clings to him, gasping for air. "I'm gonna kill you for this, are you listening? Fuck! It's fucking freezing. Are you alright? Say something, please Rick. Anything. Just let me know you're alright.."

Vyvyan's voice cracks and Rick instantly stands up, neck-high in the water, wringing his ponytail and wiping his wet eyes - the brief second of hearing Vyvyan so distraught almost breaking his resolve. "Got you." He pants, "I believe that's one all now, isn't it? We're even now. Now you know what it feels like to worry so much. I mean, diving in here to save your damsel in distress. Honestly, Vyvyan. I didn't know you cared."

"You fucking arsehole!"

Vyvyan lunges at him - his fist raised at eye level, and Rick manages to hold him off for long enough so they both plunge backwards and topple over together in the water. Vyvyan grabs him, both hands around his neck, and there's a moment of understanding as if Vyvyan is about to kiss him, before he frowns and swears and shoves his head under the water.

"You fucking arsehole. You fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking arsehole! That, wasn't, very, funny." Vyvyan dunks Rick face-first, pulling him up by his stupid ponytail and submerging him with each word, over and over, again and again as Rick yelps in between.

"Don't," 

"please,"

"Vyv,"

"it was,"

"only,"

"a joke."

"You're sick! That was a sick thing to do."

"I'm sorry. Stop, just, stop."

Vyvyan can't help but laugh - with relief more than anything - at the giggles bubbling to the surface each time Rick takes a gargling gust of air, until Rick grabs his waist and drops his hands to his belt. 

_Ohh!_ He'd almost forgotten about that. They aren't meant to be fighting. Vyvyan still wants Rick after everything he'd done to him, and even better: Rick still wants him too. He'd said so. He'd screamed it. Vyvyan lets him up, sweeping his hair from his eyes with the softest of strokes, unsure what to do and needing him now more than ever. Rick is grinning. Laughing. Gasping hot breath on his chest when they come face to face. Vyvyan can't think of anything he wants more and babbles the first thing that enters his head. "Scared me to bloody death! I've got two brand new packs of cigarettes in my pocket. Should have drowned you for that if nothing else." He's touching Rick everywhere: his face, his neck, his shoulders and his hair, glad that he's safe and alive and back in his arms where he belongs. He's even more stupidly in love than ever when Rick drapes his arms around his neck and pulls him down on his lips. Rick kisses him so slowly it makes the back of his head throb.

"Cigarettes in your pocket, eh? Of course. That explains it. And there was me thinking you were just pleased to see me." 

Rick smiles smugly. 

Vyvyan blushes and dunks him again.


	16. Detour.

Rick hears himself make a noise that he can't even classify. It comes out as a swallowed-down sob as he gasps for breath. He's still clinging to Vyvyan like some kind of a half-drowned monster pulled from the depths of a swamp, yet Vyvyan doesn't seem to mind, and at least he'd stopped attempting to strangle him under the water.

"You alright?" Vyvyan holds him still, both hands on his shoulders.

"Yeah. A-are you?" Rick asks, ridiculously aware that his are still locked on Vyvyan's hips, twined in the loops of his belt.

"Yer I'm alright."

"Good. That's good then. I didn't mean to scare you." 

"You didn't. You just made me think, that's all. And I don't like to think, Rick. 'Specially not at the weekend."

"Apologies. It won't happen again." Vyvyan giggles at that. So does he.

"Good. Make sure it doesn't." He's released for a second and Vyvyan wipes a streak of mud from his cheek - the gesture so surprisingly tender that all Rick can do is blink at him. "Guess we both got carried away there but I must say you wrestle pretty good, you know, for a girl."

Their faces are close and for a moment they just look at each other, Rick treading water, his legs kicking out, daring to anchor themselves around the unwavering strength of Vyvyans.

The pair remain deadlocked in an unyielding gaze for several seconds, until Rick comes to his senses and thinks about letting go. The surface of the lake is still again as he glaces at their surroundings. This really is quite romantic; he couldn't have dreamt up a more idyllic setting. The storm between them had passed over quickly and the peace returns - the echo of their mutual confession ghosting in his head like a gospel choir in a cathedral. Being here with Vyvyan is all kind of.. perfect, so Rick dares one last thing and leans his head silently on his shoulder.

Vyvyan can bear the intimacy no longer. "Careful if I were you. There's eels in here. They bite."

"What?!"

"Ha! You are such a girl! What do you wanna do now then, I mean, next? Want to stay here? Drive around for a bit? Go back to school?" His voice is shakier and softer than he intends as Rick holds and cuddles him closer.

 _Next I want to kiss you until we both drown,_ Rick thinks. "I don't mind," he says. "We can do whatever you want."

"What do _you_ want?"

"Whatever _you_ want."

Vyvyan's mouth is so dry he has to whisper and he swallows hard, the sound deafening. "Look, I know what you want me to say. But I don't.. that is, I have never.. had a relationship - not a proper one anyway. Just, fuck! This is hard."

He can tell Vyvyan is struggling so this time, Rick does let go. He takes both his hands loosely and pretends he's okay. "That's what I thought you'd say. I didn't expect to fall into your arms. Or run off with you into the sunset. I just wanted you to know, that's all. It doesn't mean I expect you to do anything, and it doesn't mean I want... anything. It's fine. Everything's fine. Come on, let's get out and get dry, eh? It's getting chilly." 

 

~

 

After slipping and sliding their way up the embankment, laughing and skidding and taking Rick by the hand to rescue him again, ignoring the fact he can still feel their last kiss burning on his lips, Vyvyan lies back on the grass, drying off in the pleasantly warm sun. Rick is by his side as usual with his head on his rolled-up jacket, dangerously close to his chest. Vyvyan wants to order him to move closer. He suddenly has such a craving for Rick to sit up and straddle him that he doesn't know what to do with his hands, but it's much easier to make conversation without eye contact, so he doesn't move a muscle as Rick tuts and adjusts the makeshift head rest.

"Ow! All of your.. things are digging in me!"

"Studs," Vyvyan corrects, "and that's what all the boys say. Why don't you get on top of m- my other sleeve." He shuffles over a bit, wriggling away so his lust doesn't run away with him and Rick can get comfortable. 

"That's better, and this is certainly better than being stuck doing chores at my parents. My dad says housework is womens work but my mother insists. I'm glad I stayed with you instead. What else do you do here at the weekend?"

_Oh not much. I usually drink all the free booze I can lay my hands on, stay here faking conversation thinking about you until I'm so horny I have to dive in and cool off. Then I go back to school, lie on your bed, wait for you to come home and have a BIG wank._ Vyvyan doesn't answer, he just grins and sits up, inspecting the row of cigarettes he'd lined up on the grass, turning them over carefully like sausages on a grill. "Can't believe you did this. Look at the state of 'em, poor little mites. What did they ever do to you? Unforgivable!" 

"I'm sorry. I'll buy you some more."

"Leave your girly purse in your pocket, Miss. Moneybags. They'll dry out." Vyvyan selects a particularly soggy looking one and holds his lighter underneath to dry it, aware that he's being intensely scrutinised by breathtaking eyes as green and as blue as their surroundings.

"C-can I try a cigarette?"

"No. Shouldn't smoke. Bad for you."

"What if I like bad things?" Rick watches Vyvyan curiously as he works: rolling and re-stuffing tobacco and bending the thin tubes in to shape. He could probably watch Vyvyans tongue licking and sticking down that paper for hours. "I'm all about experimenting, me." 

"Is that right?"

"Uhuh." When finished, Vyvyan examines the perfect specimen up close, peering down it like a telescope.

"Alright then. C'mere."

Rick shuffles forwards, their knees touching when they come face to face, and Vyvyan leans into him as if they're about to kiss. They're not though, Rick knows they're not; Vyvyan had never kissed him first. "What do I do? Show me."

"In your mouth and suck." Vyvyan grins, prodding the lit cigarette between his lips, "not too hard though. Don't want your puke all over me too." His face is shielded from the breeze by the cup of Vyvyan's palm and in the shade, Rick can just about make out a faint burst of new freckles on his nose from here. He's feeling pretty hot and bothered too now. He takes a long pull, bracing himself as Vyvyan places a soft hand on his chest.

"And then take it down into here."

He does as instructed, his heart pounding. Vyvyan is still staring and touching and rubbing him through his jumper and Ricks knees are trembling and it's suddenly too much. He exhales a blast of air and gulps, trying desperately to rid the raging smog from his airways. His lungs feel to small and too tight for his ribcage, and if Vyvyan doesn't stop that then he'll probably pass out. Then he'll be laughed at even more, coz what kind of moron can't even learn to smoke a cigarette!

"It's okay. Take it easy. Breathe. That's it." 

He's coughing. Choking. And Vyvyan takes him under his arm, pushing up his jumper and rubbing firm, constant circles into his shuddering bare back. "It always tastes much nicer than this when we kiss." Crikey, one slight puff of nicotine and he's delirious! His next breath makes him heave and Vyvyan tuts and rolls his eyes.

"Knew you couldn't handle it. Trust you to pale out on me. Give me that."

Vyvyan snatches back the cigarette almost in anger, sprawling out on the grass while Rick regains his composure. "I'm sorry."

"What are _you_ sorry for?"

"For ruining the moment."

"Are we having a moment?"

"Well, not anymore!" Rick thuds back down too, watching a perfect succession of smoke-rings float up into a very awkward atmosphere. "Are you angry with me?" He asks, nestling his head next to Vyvyans.

"No. I'm just angry."

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have given you that." Vyvyan can't help but recall the taste of his first cigarette - how urgently he'd longed to impress Billy that night in the rain. Back then he would try anything, say anything, do anything. Seeing Rick that same way wasn't good, and he couldn't explain it. Rick was somehow too good - too pure to be corrupted by his many filthy habits. It would be like defacing a beautiful work of art, spitting a fly in the ointment, headbutting a priceless Ming vase.

"Why not? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You wouldn't understand." Rick thankfully takes the hint and chats aimlessly for a while, about school and homework and whatever else, until the sun had moved higher and back in Vyvyans eyes. The conversation flows easily, oddly, like nothing had changed, and he's managing to skirt around the burning issue quite well, with jokes and insults and various quips and it isn't awkward at all, until suddenly it is.

"So, what do you think?"

"Um, what about?"

"Tonight. The documentary on the BBC. Industrial Capitalism? What do you think?"

"I couldn't give a flying fu-"

"Vyvyan, you haven't been listening to a word have you?" Rick huffs and rolls on his front, his hair loose and air-dried in golden spun waves over his shoulder. "What's the matter?"

"I can't do it!"

"Do what-"

"Are we ever gonna talk about this, Rick? Or am I going to have to listen to you banging on all afternoon and boring me completely to death whilst I'm slowly driven to distraction for all eternity by this unbearable, torturous hell?"

"Talk about what?"

"You know damn well what!" He bites, glancing up, wishing he hadn't finished all of the wine earlier. He could do with another bottle or two although there isn't enough alcohol in the world to calm all his nervous energy. "You know bloody-well what, Rick. You bloody know it and I bloody know it and that bloody woman over there walking her pet bloody ferret on a lead knows it. You can cut the tension with a knife. There's a million volts passing through the earth between us right now! You fancy me." It isn't a question.

"It's a Yorkshire terrier," Rick says, squinting over the path and then back at their hands on the grass, mere inches apart. "And yes, I do. I fancy you so much sometimes it's hard even being around you, but I really like being around you so I'm dealing with it. Is that so bad?" His voice is tiny. It barely makes it out of his throat, but it's enough to make Vyvyan clear his and cough.

Vyvyan knows the feeling; he still can't look at Rick. "Yes it's bad. Well no, not bad exactly. Um, I dunno. You shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Bad idea. Just don't."

"Oh okay! I'll just stop it then shall I?!" Rick shrieks, "I'll just switch it off like a flick of a ruddy light switch! If it was that simple, don't you think I'd have done it already? I don't want to feel this way. It's alright for you, you can do whatever you like.. sleep with whoever you like. Do you even realise how scary this is for someone like me?"

"Yes."

"I don't have any friends as it is. My parents will disown me. I don't fit in, I never have. So what's it going to be like when everyone finds out I'm a.."

"Poof?"

"Oh thank you _very_ much!"

"No problem."

"Vyvyan, this is no laughing matter. I'm scared to blimmin' death!"

"You can't run from this."

"I'm not! You're the one running away, not me!" Rick doesn't realise he's shouting until Vyvyan shouts back.

"I'm here aren't I?! I'm not going anywhere, and I didn't say no, did I? It's not like I'm ever going to turn you down in a million years, so don't get your knickers in a twist. So what if you like boys? Lots of people do. Loads of people are gay, Rick. All sorts of people like you, so you might as well stop acting like a such a twat about it!"

"I don't like _boys,_ Vyvyan. I like you!"

"You fancy me, you said. Heard you."

"So?! You fancied me first!"

"Yeah probably." Vyvyan can't help but grin helplessly. After seeing those words in Ricks notebook, it's so much better hearing them out loud and out of Rick's own mouth, like the weight of the world had flown from his shoulders. He should have admitted this weeks ago. Better late than never.

Rick rubs his eyes in disbelief, his cheeks glaring hotter than the sun. "H-how long have you? Erm, since when? When did you? Oh God, Vyv, how long have you?"

"Hmm, I'd say.." Vyvyan pretends to do a quick calculation on his fingers and taps on the face of his watch, counting the days when there's really no need. He knows only to well. "Four weeks, five days, three hours, twenty-seven minutes and y'know, give or take a few seconds."

"But, but. But we've only known each other-"

"Four weeks, five days, three hours, twenty-seven minutes and y'know, give or take a few seconds."

Vyvyan raises a knowing eyebrow and shrugs and Rick feels like pinning him to the ground and punching him in the face! The whole time! THE WHOLE TIME! _Oh God, Vyvyan. The whole time!_

"But you were too busy complaining to that cow on reception about sharing your room. You didn't even notice me. Not my fault."

"I did actually. I noticed. It just took me longer to get here, that's all, and maybe I would have told you sooner, if you weren't such an annoying prick!"

"Oh. Okay. So we both liked each other from the start?"

"It would appear so, yes."

"Great."

"Ruddy marvellous!"

"Yep." They resume their position on the grass, side by side, paralysed like stone statues and well aware of the others grin. Inside, Vyvyan thinks he could fly apart into a billion pieces. He's so proud of his brave best friend, and he'd tried so hard to change his mind, change both their minds, put Rick off, play tricks on him and push him away. Thank God his Rick is a stubborn one. It had taken Vyvyan far too long to get here too. "Want to go back soon? Your growling stomach is spoiling the atmos'. Pub lunch? On me?"

"Only if you let me split you two ways."

"Boody hell! You can split me in as many ways as you like, but if you insist on talking dirty to me then I'd better just nip back in."

Rick stares as Vyvyan springs to his feet, whips off his clothes and dives headfirst in to the lake. "You're mad!" He yells, shaking his head, pretending not to look until Vyvyan bobs to the surface and shouts back.

"Yeah? You should come in and join me. Feels great on your balls."

"No thank you, but thanks for that mental image and important piece of information, Vyvyan. I'll sleep much better tonight knowing that!"

 

~

 

After lunch, they make their way reluctantly back to school - Rick holding a very warm and wet Vyvyan extra close on the bike until they pull up at the gate and come to a screaching slow stop. They'd taken the longest route home, winding through every one of the side streets and narrow lanes, and they're both sad that the journey has come to an end - although neither of them says so as Rick clumsily dismounts. 

It's the first time Vyvyan had felt the cold all day now that Rick isn't there to warm him up. "I was enjoying that. Shame I have to give it back innit?"

"Me too. Thanks for bringing me. Maybe we can take it out again." Rick hands Vyvyan the helmet and adds, "Thank you for dinner, too. You didn't have to. I would have been quite happy to pay for half of it, or all of it. Told you I don't mind."

"No." Vyvyan stops manoeuvring the bike around to look at him. "If we're gonna do this then we're gonna this properly, okay? Believe me, you really don't need to pay for it. We're not starting out that way. Deal?"

"Deal!" Rick splutters and spits out.

"Good. Back in a tick. Wait for me." 

Rick stays just as gobsmacked, feet glued to the pavement and head in the clouds as Vyvyan suddenly reaches out and yanks him in by the hair. 

Vyvyan kisses him so hard he's still seeing two of him when the bike zooms down the street and turns off into the car park.


	17. The Lost Weekend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one, you lovely lot. I'm moving house and haven't had time to write. Thanks for your support and lovely comments x
> 
> *Ever so slight dub/con, but so slight I'm not going to tag it.

They enter the lift together, side by side and it's silent - almost a little too silent for Rick's liking. He shuffles slightly away from Vyvyan and presses for floor five. The doors creak shut and they're alone again.

Rick has to stare at the floor, seriously in danger of bursting into a nervous fit of laughter, or maybe even a scream as the lift starts to move. His heart is pounding - black fuzz throbbing at the edge of his vision as he yearns and dares not hope for anything more from the boy he wants so badly beside him.

Vyvyan lets out a breath too, like he's holding his in as well, and his hand shifts towards Rick's as if he's about to take it. Rick mirrors the action instinctively, moving his own hand closer.

It takes two floors to pass for their pinky fingers to touch.

Rick is prepared for it but he still flinches when it happens. He feels giddy and shaky as Vyvyan gently loops his own finger over, holding his in a grip that feels warm and possessive, sending glorious sparks of delight through his palm.

Vyvyan moves again, this time with purpose, his palm swallowing Rick's hand whole. Their fingers lace together in knots and Rick doesn't dare move.

Vyvyan silently squeezes his hand and he can't breathe at the unbearable ecstasy. All he can think about is the steady stroke of a thumb over his, the warmth creeping up his arm and the crippling anxiety for what may or may not be about to happen next.

Vyvyan had hidden the motorbike behind the bicycle sheds after kissing him so suddenly, so hard, and Rick had done what was asked of him and waited on his return, going over it again in his mind. It was a brief kiss - a good kiss. He just wishes it could have been a longer one, maybe accompanied by a great big sweeping romantic gesture so there would be no doubting what they are to each other at last. 

"This is nice," he says, meaning their hands. He keeps his eyes on the floor so they don't wander inappropriately because he isn't kidding himself. They may be holding hands, and that's amazing in itself, but he knows that all that hearts and flowers schmoop isn't Vyvyan's way so he shouldn't expect such a thing. Vyvyan is more likely to pull him into a headlock as a sign of affection than declare his undying love. And love, Rick realises, is a pretty big and scary word.

Vyvyan doesn't look up from the floor either and it's very reminiscent of the day they met: that awkward and wonderful afternoon that feels so long ago now; another lifetime. They've come so far from then yet he'd barely even touched Vyvyan - not really. Not in the way that he wants: underneath his clothes and butt-naked under the covers, and it's suddenly so claustrophobic and hot in here that Rick has to loudly release the air in his lungs that's slowly beginning to choke him.

"What's wrong with you, face-ache?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, good. I'm good."

"You sure? Sounds to me like your having a coronary. Don't make me do mouth to mouth on you, right? Coz we haven't covered resuscitation in class yet."

Rick bites his lip so he doesn't grin down at his boots. "Everything's fine, but.."

"But?"

"..it's just.. it's not that I haven't enjoyed today," he starts, "because I have. I really have. I really _love_ spending time with you, Vyv."

"So do I. I like doing stuff with you too, Rick." Vyvyan gives his knuckles a firmer squeeze and a fierce current of electricity waves through his stomach. "You're kind of my favourite person to do stuff with.."

"I was just wondering about something. Nothing really.."

"Spit it out then!"

"What are we, after this? Are we actually - well, you know?"

"Friends?" Vyvyan offers through gritted teeth. Rick knows he still finds the concept really difficult.

"We're more than just friends, Vyv!"

"Then what do you want to call it then? You're such a girl!"

"I know you're scared."

"I'm not. I'm not _scared.._ "

"It's okay if you are. I want to make it better - make you better.. What I'm trying to say.. is that you drive me crazy." Rick huffs. "Totally insane even!" 

"Likewise!" 

"But I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"Maybe I'd hurt you then." Vyvyan spits out. "Ever thought of that?"

"I-I don't believe you would."

"That's because you're too nice." Says Vyvyan. He's still avoiding eye contact but this admission makes Rick feel better and slightly more at ease even though his heart is still racing - palm sweating in it's ever tightening hold.

"You're nice too, y'know." He breathes. "When you allow yourself to be. You're actually pretty great at being nice to me sometimes."

"Yeah? Don't tell anyone."

"I won't." He glances sideways, daring himself a look and Vyvyan looks back. "Your secret's safe with me." 

"Good. Otherwise I'd have to kill you, y'know, for destroying my painfully cool reputation."

"That's fine." Rick smiles again. He can't help it. "The back of your neck's all dirty and your hair's full of mud."

"So's yours." Vyvyan adds to the observation with a slightly more neutral, teasing smile. "Looks good."

"Shut up."

"No it does, it looks good. You look good wet."

The pull between them intensifies as Vyvyan's temples burst with a blush and Rick turns fully towards him, reaching for his other hand. "Vyvyan?"

"Hmm?" 

"Look at me." They turn and face each other, both hands joined when their eyes meet and Rick doesn't think it's possible for anyone to be more in love with or more in awe of anyone than he is right now. "I don't care if you hurt me."

"Well you should."

"Well I don't!" He yells and it echoes in the small space, "I don't care! I've never felt like this, with anyone. Can't we at least try and be.."

"What, the best of mates? Chums? Bosom buddies, or any other of your disgustingly twee little sayings?"

"Boyfriends." Rick whispers and Vyvyan blinks, clearly alarmed, his cheeks as scarlet as the roots of his hair. 

"Um,"

"Is that a _no,_ then?" He mumbles as fear seizes his insides.

"No it's not a no. It's just.. I've wanted that for ages… You have no idea."

"I think I do." Vyvyan suddenly grabs his chin and leans in, sneering, hovering just before his mouth and pausing for what feels like forever until Rick can't take anymore. "So then what are you waiting for?"

"I just wanted to be sure, that you're sure, if you must know."

"I'm sure that I'm sure." 

With that, Vyvyan sighs in defeat and closes the gap between them, planting a hard stamp of a kiss on Rick's mouth. 

The force and sharp intake of breath on his lips makes Rick gasp and struggle to free himself. "Mmm, stop.. Vyv. Vyvyan, stop!"

"What now?!" Vyvyan's face is flushed, a frown creasing his brow as he yells, "Make your bloody mind up!!"

"No," Rick grins, "I mean the lift. Stop the lift. And kiss me again."

"Oh." Vyvyan grins back. "How long for? A quick five minute fumble? Or would you rather I cause some pretty serious damage."

"Oh I think serious damage."

"Gotcha." 

The press of Vyvyan's body on his is over way too quickly and Rick watches as he yanks the lever on the wall for the emergency stop, pulling on it so desperately it's a wonder he hadn't snapped it off.

"Think that ought to buy us some time. You do know we've got beds, right? Two extremely comfortable and private beds.."

"Right. Yes. Erm." He freezes, stammers, feeling an overwhelming surge of nervous adrenaline that Vyvyan fixes immediately with an enormous, genuine smile.

"But maybe that's a little too fast for you?"

"I'm not a child!"

"Never said you were." Vyvyan is aware that he's staring again, still amazed by Rick's bravery as fingers slide over his chest through his t-shirt. Rick feels his way tentatively up his shoulders and down his bare arms, touching at the sun-flushed skin with a look on his face so deliciously tempting, Vyvyan is probably drooling. "You are so gorgeous!" Rick huffs and shakes his head. "I mean it," he says, "I honestly mean it. You are so fucking gorgeous it's like fucking witchcraft, and you've been driving me crazy in those tight trousers for weeks!"

This time Rick's hysterical laughter can't be helped. "Says you! Pretty sure you walk around shirtless all the time on purpose. And when you come home in your football kit all sweaty and muddy it's.. wow."

"So you like a bit of rough then?" Vyvyan teases, "should have known, posh boy."

"I-I don’t really know. I've never done anything before, so I don't really know what I like."

It's now blindingly obvious that they're talking about sex and both teenagers feel the heat of embarrassment for finally being this candid.

"Well I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to find out," says Vyvyan. "But we have plenty of time - well, hopefully we'll have plenty of mmph.." 

Rick can't think about their time together ever coming to an end so he pulls Vyvyan back on his lips and kisses him forcefully, both hands caught deep in his hair as he gasps, "I might be a virgin but that doesn't mean I don't want.. I want to do everything with you, Vyvyan."

"Everything, like..?"

" _Everything!_ "

"Fuck!" Vyvyan groans at this and falls into Rick, thumping his head on his shoulder, breathing hard, hot and ragged as Rick clings to him. "You shouldn't say things like that to me."

"Why not?"

"Coz it's dangerous." Then Vyvyan does something, he can't help it. The impulse to grab and ravage Rick is too much, he can't possibly do anything else. Instead of staying limp in his arms in submission, he pulls back so they're face-to-face and gets both his arms around him so he can hold him properly, the way he's always wanted. He pulls Rick into a hold so tight I feels like a fight: one hand clutching a fistful of his jumper and the other cradling the back of his neck, burying Rick's face in his shoulder, drinking in what he could while this lasted and letting Rick know that he was here at last - finally in the same place. He can't hold back anymore - no matter how hard he'd tried. He wasn't great with words but he hoped that Rick knew how much he did care about him, and worried about him, and how much he was loved even though he couldn't say it. "You're brilliant, you know. You're absolutely fucking brilliant, and I've tried! I've tried not to want.." 

Rick feels the words on his neck - the ghost of lips as they brush over his skin, and it's magic.

"But I do. I do want someone - need someone. And I can't. God, Rick I can't stand it!"

Rick strokes Vyvyan's hair, his soothing tones coming naturally as their cheeks touch and rub together. He wants him so badly he aches and he doesn’t care how desperate he sounds. No more ruddy mixed messages! "Well I think you should take me to bed. Now." It's a whisper - he doesn't need to say it aloud. Vyvyan's next groan is obscene.

"Oh fuck! Don't. You shouldn't.. fucking hell! Come here."

"I am here." 

Suddenly they're kissing, gripping and pulling at each other to get closer. Vyvyan has both strong arms around him - his forearms locked around his neck, and Rick's hands are up Vyvyan's back, sliding down the curve of his spine to the mouth-watering firmness of his bottom. Touching it like this, in the middle of the day, where anyone could catch them and know their dirty little secret is so anarchic - and yet so worth it. When Vyvyan smiles on his lips at the very obvious placement of his hands, he knows what's going to happen next is inevitable, that neither can control this any longer. Vyvyan brings a soft hand to his jaw, cupping it gently as they kiss and Rick is too stunned to do anything but let it happen. Maybe Vyvyan could be romantic in his own way, he thinks, throwing himself into it, and once again it's so earth shatteringly beautiful that nothing else matters.

"I'm scared too," he admits when Vyvyan pulls back. "This scares me too, coz I've never had a friend like you and don't want to lose.."

Vyvyan shuts him up with another kiss, knowing Rick isn't the only one who's allowed to be terrified. He's shaking and he's very nearly lost for words but he's meant to be the grown-up here. He needs to stop behaving like such a poof! "You're not gonna lose this, okay? You can't."

Their next kiss is urgent and even more charged: electric, Rick thinks, like the first time (like every time.) His hands fumble around the waistband of Vyvyan's jeans and his thumbs come to rest on the button, pausing, undecided whether to pop it open it or not. His stomach is tense and fluttery and his own trousers tighten at the thought. He'd never unfastened someone else's jeans before and he suddenly can't remember how they operate. He imagines this is exactly what the other boys in class feel like when faced with the unfathomable complications of a bra, only they're probably not half as nervous and sweaty and excited. "How long do you think we've got.. until maintenance get here?"

"Long enough to find out where your hands are going!"

"Sorry, did you want me to..?"

"Bloody right!"

"Okay." He yanks Vyvyan towards him by the waist, kissing him hungrily as he unzips his flies and shoves his hand in palm-first. No turning back now. Vyvyan's moan spurs him on a treat as his fingers work their way down his stomach.

"Fuck, Rick!"

"Oh! Whoa, wait a minute. I'm sorry.." He freezes, head spinning in a daze, hand cupped obscenely around what feels like an absolutely enormous bulge in Vyvyan's pants.

"What now?!"

"It's just that.. you're hard."

"Well what the hell do you expect?!"

"I don't know. N-not this."

"This is too fast, I knew it. Told you, you're not ready."

"I am! It's just a bit of a shock, that's all. You're really, I mean, you're honestly attracted to me."

"Yeah, no shit! And if you expect any sense out of me at all and want me to do the gentlemanly thing and take it slow then you'd better stop that, before you make me come."

The nerves of inexperience in Rick's head are no match for the rush of fire in his loins and he presses Vyvyan's back to the mirror, leaning on him as both hands continue to explore. "I don't want to take it slow. We've taken it slow enough! Is this okay?" Vyvyan nods as he takes hold of his erection, wraps his fingers around the base and strokes gently.

"Christ yeah, that's good." 

"How about this? Mmm, Vyv that's soo hard!" 

Rick's strokes start to speed and it's so much wetter and hotter when he kisses him again and locks his hand around his cock, Vyvyan's knees buckle and he has to hold on to the hand rail. "Uh, might have known you'd be good at this, such a girly swot. You sure you haven't done this before?"

"I haven't. I've just thought about this a lot, and dreamed about you a lot.." Rick pulls back, the look of utter bewilderment and confusion making his eyes widen as his lips move softly down his throat, pressing in his skin like tiny lighting bolts of pleasure. "But is it… Does it always feel this good?" 

"What, being wanked off in a lift by someone you've fantasised about daily? Yeah, feels pretty damn good."

"No, kissing. Is kissing always this good?"

Rick is stunning when Vyvyan properly focuses on him, like a trembling deer in the headlights. Words like _pure_ and _innocent_ and _virginal_ continue to taunt him, and suddenly a thirty second handjob in some creaky lift shaft can't be enough. "No, it's never this good. You're fucking witchcraft, I told ya." They take turns kissing and gasping and Rick's hand slows, barely moving on him, almost stopping all together when Vyvyan licks inside his lips and slides his tongue in his mouth. He carries on kissing Rick this way for a while, needing to slow the pace right down so he doesn't lose his fucking mind!

"You need to teach me if I'm doing it wrong.."

"You're not. I've dreamed of this too - of you. Oh God, kiss me like that again!"

"I can't. I feel like I can't feel my legs and I can't concentrate.. I'm just useless at ruddy everything aren't I?!"

"I'll teach you whatever you want, Rick. But you're a lot better at this stuff than you think you are. Come on, home."

Vyvyan slams the lever up and the lift springs into action, stopping abruptly. The intrusive chime of the opening doors making Rick's stomach flip-flop as they each jump apart. 

Vyvyan stands aside, tugging down his tshirt to cover himself - Rick's soft and knowing smile still making his insides jumble as he wipes his wet mouth. He feels ridiculous, delirious, horny as all hell, and he can't quite believe this had taken so long to sort out. Now he gets to have what he'd longed for all along, and he doesn't know what he'd been waiting for.

"Getting off, boys?"

"No, sir." Rick states, aware that Vyvyan has a wry smile on his face at the very obvious double entendre. They were certainly _getting off_ and there was a lot more still to come. He giggles again at their insane chemistry and pull between their hands, their lips, and almost everywhere on Vyvyan that he can't wait to kiss. It feels like their bodies are already connected - sewn together by invisible threads, and having his heartstrings pulled even slightly like this is more than he can stand. He needs to be touching Vyvyan immediately; kissing him all over from head to toe. There are so many painful sparks between their loose and empty hands now that being this aroused in public isn't decent. 

All this in front of their headmaster too.

More boys get in on the fourth floor and the lift is filled to capacity. Rick doesn't look at them as he stands with his back to Vyvyan, bunched as close as he can to him without being obvious as the vicious _pull_ becomes impossible.

Vyvyan concentrates on the gentle slope of Rick's neck - at each strand of shaved sandy blonde hair on his nape, close enough to lick. He stares at Rick's clasped hands behind his back resting below the hem of his jumper, oblivious to their audience as he traces the thundering veins in his wrist. 

Rick jumps at the touch - at the familiar rough fingers dancing ever so lightly across his skin. He shivers at the thumb pressing and stroking the heel of his hand, unable to hold in his groan as his entire body erupts.

"Is everything all right, Rick? You look like you're positively running a fever."

"I'm fine, sir."

"Are you still feeling sick?"

 _Yes!_ "Yes," he blurts. _Of course. This is perfect!_ "I have been off sick, sir. Maybe I still am a bit.."

"May I suggest you get yourself off to bed then and pronto." The headmaster says, suspiciously eyeing the muddy puddle of water by their feet. "And you ought not to remain in those wet clothes for much longer, unless you intend to come down with pneumonia. Vyvyan, see to it that he goes straight to bed, all right? And give him plenty of fluids."

"Consider it done, sir." Says Vyvyan and strides out of the lift.

 

~

 

"Ooh, you're good." The low voice vibrates in the back of his skull as Vyvyan nuzzles his neck, still kissing it. "You're very good. Looks like I've been underestimating you, posh boy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Liar liar pants-on-fire!"

Rick is spun and lifted in the air before he can unlock the door - his legs split either side of Vyvyan's hips, and he manages an arm around and up the back of him before he's cradled by the bum and slammed solidly against it.

"I'm very impressed. If you wanted to play doctor, all you needed to do was ask. Better do as I'm told and get you straight to bed then, hadn't I."

A paper flutters from the door and under Vyvyan's boot - a letter or something - as Vyvyan manages the door open and hoists him up so he's bear-hugging his torso, but Rick ignores it for the time being as they furiously snog and Vyvyan staggers them into their room. He's thrown down on Vyvyan's bed and there are more pressing matters to attend to than something as boring as school.

 

~

 

"So how do you wanna do this?"

Rick blurts out after a couple of minutes of frantic snogging, and Vyvyan sits up and perches himself on the edge of the bed, smiling stupidly all the while. Rick looks more terrified than ever and he knows the look only too well. "We don't have to do anything, sweetheart." _Sweetheart?! What the f…_ "We can just lie here and we can watch TV together. Ain't your stupid programme on or something, and you're getting my duvet all wet. Take your clothes off! I mean, get changed, if you want? Fuck, I need a cold shower!"

"So do I." Rick smiles and sits up, scooping up his pyjamas and kissing Vyvyan on the cheek. "I'll leave you to take yours off. I'll use the bathroom."

And Vyvyan watches him leave.

After two showers and a bit of awkward small talk spent trying not to flirt, they settle on the documentary that Rick wanted to watch - after much protest from Vyvyan. Rick makes a cup of tea and Vyvyan drinks a beer and they each get under the covers, Rick cuddled up in his arms. The programme is as boring as Vyvyan suspected but he doesn't mind. He has Rick next to him, all soft and warm in his pyjamas, and that's all he cares about. 

The warmth and comfort and dull droning of the narrator makes him sleepy and he's just drifting off when he feels Rick slowly start to pull away. "Oi! Get back here."

"You were asleep."

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes you were. Want me to turn it off and go to bed?"

"You're already in bed, stupid."

"I can stay here?"

"Of course you can stay here. Might need another cold shower if you carry on doing that.." He says, giggling when Rick walks two fingers cautiously over his stomach.

"I like touching you. It's your fault for being all sexy." Rick says, sticking his tongue out, concentrating as he does it again. "This is really interesting and you're putting me off."

"Want me to put a shirt on?"

"No! No. I'll stop. It just feels good. Sorry."

"You bloody-well will be!"

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes." Vyvyan turns to him and kisses him and Rick kisses back. "Don't tempt me, Rick."

"I didn't know I was."

"Oh yes you do! You know!" This breaks him. "You're a walking aphrodisiac! All them indecently tight jeans and huge granny pants - parading about the place in several snug pairs of your little 'fuck me' pyjamas. Don't tell me you don't know exactly what you're doing when you sprawl out on your bed smelling all flowery and soapy doing your 'homework!' You know damn well what you're doing."

"Yes, Vyvyan. I'm doing my homework."

"Bollocks! You're being a tempting little look-at-me-I'm-so-sweet-and-innocent-watch-me-bend-over-in-this-miniscule-little-towel, cock tease!" 

Rick snorts. "You like that? Me in these old pyjamas turns you on?"

"Are you kidding? You look incredible in them! You're banned from wearing them from now on or I'm burning them. All of them. And those little strappy vests and those..shirts."

"What shirts?"

"The ones that do up high. You know. The ones that cling around your middle like the buttons are making a bid for freedom. And the grey ones that are all.. tight around your arms and your hips and your.. holy fuck! It's hot in here. Is the radiator on? I need another cold shower."

Rick giggles in disbelief. This _is_ a massive breakthrough. "What about the fleece pyjamas with the dinosaur print on them that are so small they barely cover my botto-"

"No! Especially not those!" 

"Am I banned from wearing my new dungarees too?" Rick asks, "coz I think they're pretty groovy."

"No, you're safe in them," Vyvyan smirks, "they're hideous." Rick playfully huffs in offence and smacks him on the shoulder with a pillow. "Ha! Now out of fairness, is there anything I wear that you'd rather I didn't? We should probably attempt not to drive each other crazy, or use up the entire western world's water supply by having dozens of cold showers per day."

"No." Rick says, so Vyvyan smacks him right back.

"Git!"

"Bastard!"

"Virgin!"

"Slut!"

"Fuck you!"

"Okay then. If you want?" Rick slings his arms around Vyvyan, rolling him on top. The anticipation and nerves are building again as Vyvyan straddles his middle and yanks his top over his head. This is the most important moment of his life; he has to make it memorable. This is everything he'd ever wanted since they met, and everything he thought he'd never have. "Now come here, for Cliffs sake!" Rick snaps, pulling Vyvyan's body on his so their chests can touch. He kisses Vyvyan again, only for a few seconds at first. Softly. Letting lips brush over dry lips. Trying to show Vyvyan what he understands now. One hand moulds to his waist (and a part of Rick can't believe he actually gets to touch this), while the other holds the side of his face. Vyvyan's hands slide up his chest until they're resting on his bare shoulders.

Rick gazes up - hardly believing how lucky he is to have Vyvyan gazing back. How had such a lonely loser like him somehow managed to tame the crazy, gorgeous boy that everyone wanted? It didn't matter now. He brushes away a spike of fierce ginger hair from his forehead and leans in to his lips once more, and this time he holds nothing back, allowing all of the passion, all of the love, the ecstasy he is feeling to pour itself into Vyvyan's waiting mouth. Vyvyan sinks into him, all around him, and Rick is on cloud nine. Nothing, _nothing_ is better than this: Vyvyan clinging to him and kissing him back.

Everything is Vyvyan. _Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan!_ And Rick's hands roam all over, wanting to touch everywhere now that he can. 

"We don't have to. It's late.." Vyvyan pants, sitting up. "I can wait." He's puzzled as to why he's saying this now he's finally on Rick and positively dying to grind down. He wants this with every fibre of his being, so why isn't he taking it - snatching it, stealing it as usual?? He couldn't really be.. Actually be.. Really possibly be.. seriously in _love?_

Oh fuck!

"Not if you don't want me.. but, please.. I want.. I need to," Rick tries to communicate but he can't. Vyvyan is right there, half naked and flushed, and after a startled moment Rick blinks and clears his throat, "Vyvyan, I need you."

Vyvyan doesn’t know how it happens but suddenly they’re snogging violently, wetly, one of Rick's girlish arms around his shoulder and hand clawing fully in his hair, and Christ, he’s hard. Just like that, like before. As if everything leading up to this wasn't proper attraction at all. This is real and this is happening, and all of a sudden he can't trust himself to think about it. God knows he's been trying not to think about it - about how much he wants Rick, and it had overruled every minute of his life, simmering barely below the surface for the past few weeks, if not longer. (Has it been longer? How much longer? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. He needs this too.)

Rick's hands are on his bum and pressing, pulling and squeezing, his breath heavy and hot against his mouth and chin and Vyvyan shifts awkwardly to free his excruciating hard-on. There’s no resistance, only stunningly beautiful aquamarine eyes blinking softly. They’re really doing this, aren’t they? "Fuck me! I want you," he says, a bit surprised to hear how gruff his voice comes out on Rick's mouth.

"Me too," Rick looks younger than he should. "Do it. Please. Show me everything."

"Not yet."

"Okay. That's fine. Not yet."

Rick is squeezing his upper arms and gripping, coaxing his face down again, and yes, this feels right. Vyvyan lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, strangely relieved, and then he puts his mouth back on Rick's - this kiss even rougher, at least on his part. Rick is kissing a little too nicely - acceptably hesitant, Vyvyan thinks. Because Rick is a virgin. _Virgin, virgin, pure and innocent virgin_ and above all else, Vyvyan yearns to change that. Because no matter what he had been forced through in the past, Rick is here now and he's _his_ and he's perfect. He shoves his pelvis forward, rutting against him, and that does it. Rick makes a half-strangled sound in his mouth and then those delicate hands are digging down the back of his jeans, grabbing his arse (thank fucking hell, at last!) And after that, Vyvyan's brain switches to auto pilot. He’s quick at this: practised, and grabs for Rick's cock through too many layers of clothing. "Take these off," he orders, lifting himself to let Rick out of his bottoms. Rick does as he's told without question, cheeks flushed dark with arousal, stripping off but leaving on his outsized and bright-white briefs. Vyvyan's eyes lock to the hard outline of his erection straining against the cotton - his mouth filling with saliva. Yeah, this is definitely a good idea; he isn't taking advantage of naivety after all. "Wow," he says aloud, staring at it.

"I know,"

And Rick sounds stupidly apologetic as he reaches for his belt. "Don't be sorry. Don't you dare be sorry. It's okay to want this." Vyvyan tells him, probably still staring, but the instant Rick scrambles over him he needs no more encouragement. Vyvyan is still uncomfortably hard in his jeans but they'd be time for all that later. Rick is kissing him again, shoving him down on the mattress and humping him through his pants - a little bit public school, he must say - but then again, when in Rome.

He'd never imagined it could be like this. He is Rick's boyfriend. They are Boyfriends (worth the correct terminology even if it's only in his head), and being Rick's boyfriend is the only thing he's probably ever cared about. He no longer needs to hide how he feels. Rick holds his hand as they kiss and stop and breathe and kiss, and no measure of drugs, alcohol or one night stands has ever felt this good.

Vyvyan intends to go as slow as Rick wants - enjoy every sensation of his mouth on his neck while his hands roam over his chest, which is why it comes as a surprise when Rick looks him in the eye and drags his thumb firmly over the bar in his left nipple. He can only yelp, his whole body tensing.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, doesn't hurt. Feels good."

"It's really sexy, Vyv," Rick breathes on him, pressing on it, circling it with his thumb, "really, really sexy. I could just.."

"Stop," he gasps, not as boldly as he should. Rick leans forward and licks it, holding it in his mouth, lightly sucking on his nipple, flicking his tongue against it until pleasure is hammering through his veins. "Stop, oh fuck! Rick, I'm gonna.." He rips into Rick's hair, hot wetness gushing unexpectedly down his leg inside his boxers.

_Oh God!_

"Vyv?" Rick asks, confused as to why he jolts in his mouth, shakes in his arms, and then, thanks to the very probable beetroot shade of red in his cheeks, catches on. "Did you just..?"

"I told you to stop!" Mortified doesn't even begin to cover how he feels as he kicks Rick off and accidentally out of bed. He sits up, head in his hands as he wills himself together.

Rick lands with a thump on the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were about to.."

"I don't wanna talk about it!" He snaps, standing and staggering, his vision still starry.

"Where are you going?"

"If someone says stop then you should!"

"But, I didn't.. do anything.. Vyvyan, please wait."

"No." He stomps to the bathroom to clean himself up, trying to scrub the embarrassment off his skin and angrily pulling on the nearest jumper he finds in the laundry basket. He's even more mortified to discover that it's one of Rick's and the mere scent of him turns his legs to jelly. This is really not how he thought his first orgasm in his presence would go. 

Rick is still sat on the floor when he goes back into the bedroom and he doesn't say anything. He needs to fix this and get back to where they left off but he doesn’t know how. "I'm going out."

"Where?"

"Dunno. Just out." 

Rick springs to his feet as he grabs for the door handle. "Please. Please stay. I won't do it again. I won't push you. I didn't hear you - didn't mean it."

Rick tugs at his hand and tries to pull him into a hug, wrapping himself round his back like a limpet, but of course, Vyvyan is stronger and he can't let Rick see him like this. "Get off me before I really do hurt you."

"You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't I?!"

"No," Rick says, the tremor in his voice obvious, "I'm not scared of you."

Vyvyan grapples free and bolts down the hall. He wasn't about to cry, he was just angry. No, he definitely wasn't about to cry like a big sissy girl!

 _"Vyvyan, please. You cannot do this to me again!!"_

The sound of Rick's voice all cracked with emotion stops Vyvyan's feet in their tracks. "Go to bed. It's late. I need some air."

He gets back in the lift to the sound of snuffles, hoping he'd have it to himself this time. He wouldn't be long and then he would go back to Rick and maybe apologise, and then they could get back in bed all cosy and start over. He just needs a few cigarettes and a moment of clarity. Tears were a new thing and he daren’t let him see. Rick wouldn't like him like he did if he thought he was weak.

Rick is asleep when he gets back. Vyvyan notices within seconds. His posture is relaxed, face softened, his breathing loud but slowing down, and he's completely naked in his bed. Vyvyan wearily strips off and climbs in, snuggling up by his side. "I'm sorry." He whispers over and over, pressing his lips to Rick's back and shoulder anywhere they land.

"Are you?"

"Yes!"

"It's okay. You came back."

"I did." 

"Come here and give me a cuddle."

"Ew, do you mind?!" 

Vyvyan yells in disgust, but at least he has the decency to do as Rick asks and rest an arm over him. 

Vyvyan's head feels heavy and fuzzy as he closes his eyes and burrows into Rick's back. It had been a long day. 

"Sorry but that was way too hot."

"Hot? It was embarrassing!"

"No. It was incredibly hot. And I think it's a sign. I’ve kept us waiting long enough. We wasted so much time, before, because of me. I don't want to wait anymore. Mm, and clearly you don't either.."

Vyvyan's heart rate picks up. Rick shuffles around, eyes open and boring into his, the certainty in them unmistakable. Vyvyan can't do anything but kiss him. He's only just had an orgasm but he can already feel himself getting hard again, just at the thought of finally, finally getting to take that last step with Rick. Coz Rick isn't like all the others. He's safe here. He holds Rick and rolls him on his back, opening his knees, getting himself on top and between them. "Well you have seen me. Now it's your turn. Lesson 101: how to go down on a boy.."


	18. Awakening.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break! I'm terrible with this fic but I'm definitely going to finish it eventually! Hope you like :)

The light overhead is unnaturally bright, blinding and staring right at him. Vyvyan squints so hard it's painful. He tries to shield his face but he can't move his hands: they're restrained. 

Immediate panic surges through his chest and both arms - both arms that are bound against his body by the elbows and forced tight behind his back, but his legs are free so he kicks out violently towards the blurred figure standing before him.

"Hello? Oi, you! Hello!"

There's no reply and now Vyvyan is scared.

It's dark here, save for the glaring spotlight in his face, and he's too disoriented to know where he is and everything is blurred, like he'd downed a bottle of whisky or several litres of Tom's disgustingly lethal cocktail from the other night. But he can't be hungover for real, can he? He can't be hallucinating. He'd been perfectly fine and totally sober a moment ago when he was in bed with Rick. 

_Mmmm, Rick.._

His head swims when he thinks of him and how they'd fallen asleep together: Rick flushed and all sweaty as he holds his still-shaking body in the afterglow.

 _"I think, I mean, I know I could really fall in lo.. That is, I am. I do.. really.. Oh my God, Vyv! I really don't wanna know how you got so blimmin' good at this, do I?"_

He'd heard Rick cry out his name again at the point of no return - the nickname he'd been given gasped softly from above the duvet mere seconds before Vyvyan had made him come. Rick's breathy near-confession had totally blindsided him then, and it's not like he could have said it back, even if he wanted to say it back, with his mouth so full. He'd made sure Rick's orgasm was a strong one, enough to knock him out - metaphorically at least, so he'd fall asleep straight after, coz Vyvyan didn't want to talk. They'd done quite enough of that for one day. He wasn't ready to say it then. Maybe he could be brave like Rick and admit the way he felt another time, because Vyvyan was so in love, and he hadn't realised just how much he needed to be with Rick, until he'd been taken away from him.

He'd almost forgotten all about their little nudie bedtime adventure as he struggles his arms in their binds. He had Rick now - sweet and innocent Rick, and he needs to get out of here and get back in bed with him immediately, if this really is a dream?

If this _is_ a dream then it isn't a very good one. Usually his dreams involving Rick were so much better and a lot more pleasurable but it doesn't matter now. Now they are a couple, Vyvyan remembers, an actual real-life boyfriend and boyfriend couple, and he doesn't need to fantasise or dream about the future. Because now, at least, he has one. 

Everything will be fine. 

Everything is going to be fine when Rick gets here and they're together again.

The blurry figure hovers over him, shading him from the light, and he thinks he recognises the familiar silhouette for a second...

"Rick! Oh thank bloody-God it's you! Where are we? Untie me, right? Then we can," he gasps, kicking again in alarm when he looks up and sees the grey of his mother's eyes looking back. Rick is suddenly no where to be found and if Vyvyan wasn't scared before then he certainly is now.

"Vyvyan please don't be difficult, darling! This is all for your own good," 

"Mum? What are you doing?" The voice is too gentle to be hers, eerily so, and even Vyvyan's foggy consciousness knows something isn't right here, but she certainly looks like his mother in all her gaudy leopard print glory, and she sounds just the same. 

"Shh," she tells him, "it's all right, dear,"

"Where's Rick?" He asks as her face gathers focus and Vyvyan is aware of her gently stroking back his hair but ignoring the strangeness of it all, he asks again.

"It's all right," his mother insists. "Everything's going to be all right. Do you remember where you are?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Is this a hospital? Am I in hospital? Someone must have jumped me. Bastards!" He was used to having flashes of bad memories like this one, and that was also fine, he could cope with those. To have no memory of this situation at all is unsettling his nerves and he tries not to panic. 

Rick would tell him not to panic, wouldn't he? His Rick would take care of him, would get himself between his knees on the floor, get him to breathe deeply in and out and tell him some hippy, bohemian logic that there must be some sort of reasonable explanation for this - or some kind of bollocks like that. Whenever he had a nightmare and was in bed at school at home, Rick would be right there at this stage, holding his hand, touching his face, telling him to calm down and all that other girly nonsense, and right now Vyvyan could really do with that.

"Oh darling, look at you. You've got yourself into a right state." 

His mother's voice changes to one of over-concern. A tone that Vyvyan hadn't heard from her for _years_ if ever. He shrugs it off, struggling to get his bearings. He must have been caught unawares in a scrap, or hit over the head with something blunt that had knocked him out cold like a brick or a hammer. 

How did he even get here?

Come to think of it, his head does hurt. In fact, both his head and his heart are screaming for the one person he knows will make him feel better but Rick hasn't made an appearance out of the wishing well just yet, or has he? 

Why isn't Rick here with him, helping him? Isn't that what boyfriends were supposed to do? Bastard! Not that Vyvyan would know. None of his so-called others had bothered much about his wellbeing in the past.

"I'm afraid he's had another lapse, Mrs. Vyvyan," a familiar voice says in the dark, "I don't think you'll get any more sense out of him." 

Vyvyan's blurred vision adjusts to his left and Mike is suddenly by his bed, white coat and stethoscope in hand. It wasn't as good as having Rick by his side but it would just have to do. Mike was the king of logical explanations so it was about bloody time!

"Mike!" he gasps in relief. "Am I glad to see you. Get me out of here.. wherever I am. Well, what are you waiting for, an interval?" he snaps. "Untie me! I haven't got time for this shit!"

"Is he usually this angry?" His mother asks. 

"Yeah pretty much," Mike solemnly nods and that's enough. It's all Vyvyan can take. 

"I'm not angry! What do you mean usually? What's going on? What's happening to me? AND WHERE'S MY RICK?!"

"Normally he isn't this agitated. Something must have spooked him," Mike continues as if he's talking about a crazed and bolting horse, as if Vyvyan isn't there. "And just when we think we're beginning to make progress there's this Rick character again: a completely fictional coping mechanism. I worry about you, mate. Cheese slid well and truly off your cracker?"

"Bit old for an imaginary friend aren’t you, darling?" His mother pipes up, making fun of him as always, and that's more like it. "Mind you, he never did have many real ones and the ones he did, he was too busy shagging. If you don't stop this soon Vyvyan, they're going to pump you full of all sorts of drugs and take you away from me, but that would probably appeal to you! Is that what you want? Are you listening? Concentrate!"

"Shut up, SHUT UP! I can't concentrate!" He bellows. "I don't want any drugs. I don't need 'medication', and I don't need you! Either of you! I don't need anything or anyone except..." Tears. Tears again. Vyvyan takes a breath, gagging as his strained voice bubbles up in his throat. "Why won't anyone speak to me properly and why am I trussed up like a fucking prisoner?"

"You need to calm down," she insists, reaching to stroke his head again as he struggles away, enraged.

"Answer me!" He demands, his brain manic for an explanation. "Rick, you know.. The geeky one. The stupid hair. The anoraks from hell, horrific clothes. Speech impediment that makes him sound like a raving twat! The nicest eyes I've ever seen.. He's real!" He breaks, "This _is_ real! It has to be. You don't understand, it has to be!" Mike and his mother shake their heads in pity as Vyvyan starts to sob. "I just want him, mum. That's all. I just want Rick. I just want him back and I need to tell him that I... Fuck! There's so much I didn't get chance to say."

"Your father and I worry about you, son,"

"THAT BASTARD IS _NOT_ MY FATHER!"

It's a physical punch in the solar plexus and Vyvyan jolts back.

Another flash and he's in his own bed, sat up and shivering as his eyes assess various shapes in the gloom, and it's deathly silent, or as silent as it ever gets here in school with occasional doors opening and slamming and the usual boisterous sounds from across the hall. The room is still. Shadows emerge under the door, are chased away and then they creep back. An occasional car rolls by the window - the brake lights throwing a sudden blood-red glow on the walls..

He ought to lie back down where Rick is curled up next to him, all warm and safe and real! A quick glance at him wrenches Vyvyan out of his downward spiral while his heart beats wildly and adrenalin fills his veins.

It was only a dream; a nightmare.

That's all.

He tucks himself under the duvet, curling in against Rick as if they share a skin, trying to climb into Rick's body as close as he can and forcing himself to breathe slowly as memories of that horrible place assault him, fear gripping and tightening his lungs in a vice.

Every noise and shift of a shadow is an attacker and he's breathing so fast he feels sick - the tremor in his muscles visible with the jump of his pulse. Tears build in his eyes again and he lets them stay there, staring into the sheets until the world disappears into a watery haze, and then the sting is too intense and he blinks. Tears spill over his cheeks and soak into his pillow, leaving salty tracks over his skin. He doesn't dare let go of Rick's shoulders to wipe them away.

"Vyv, what is is? What's wrong?" 

"Scared.." he breathes out, the air barely whispering past his lips as he presses them into Rick's soft, bare back.

"Aw it's okay, baby." 

Rick shuffles and slurs, his lisp even more prominent due to being half asleep. Vyvyan can't move yet, he can barely even speak as he feels a hand reach back for his and he gladly takes hold, grasping every knuckle. He needs it and it already feels better but he can't fight the one thought that would truly haunt him forever. It makes a horrific shiver run down his neck and all the hair there stand bolt upright.

What if the nightmare had been real?

What if it was true?

There really was no Rick.

What if they'd never met?

Rick is all red hot limbs and messy hair against the goosebumps on his forearms, and Vyvyan holds him tighter, both arms crossed around his middle as if Rick might vanish into a puff of smoke if he dares to let him go.

Vyvyan would never let him go. He would throw himself into this relationship too now. He would say all the right things - do all the right things, instead of the wrong for a change. Hell, if he had to, he'd spend an entire eternity bickering and fighting with Rick like they did at first and never getting to this stage - for however many lifetimes, in any version of reality, if it meant they'd never have to be apart.

"Mmm you feel good.." 

Rick moans in his sleep, turning around so he's facing him and wriggling into his chest. Gentle fingers slide up Vyvyan's throat, behind his ear and into his hair as Rick nuzzles his neck and breathes sleepily. 

"Mmm sooo good, Vyv.." 

Every one of his muscles feel stiff and awkward as he tries to hold back but all that begins to fade as he allows Rick to get closer. _Do the right thing,_ he tells himself. _Don't balls this up! Take your time and don't have sex. DO NOT HAVE SEX!_ He warns the rest of his stubborn anatomy. "We're not gonna have sex!" he stearnly says aloud.

"What, ever?!"

"No not for bloody-ever!" He hears himself giggle. That made Rick wake up pretty bloody quickly! "Just for now, yeah? Last night was good but we're waiting a while, for now, until we.. until later, so you're not gonna regret it like I - um. Rick, go to sleep."

"I am! I am asleep." Rick grumbles and wriggles some more. "We're in your bed and naked so this has to be a dream. Why did you stop me? You've never stopped me before." 

So Rick dreams of him too then? 

"Don't fight it. Don't fight me," Rick breathes on him, "just hold still and relax and let me take care of you.."

That would be a yes!

"Stop it!" He gasps, his grin now so wide it's hurting his jaw. Rick mumbles something else, moans his name deep in his throat and starts to snore really loudly. Vyvyan probably needs a medal for this, for displaying such gruelling levels of willpower. "You're even annoying in your sleep, do you know that?" He gives Rick's much smaller, chunkier frame a quick squeeze and holds him still until it's safe to close his eyes again, not wanting to sleep and not wanting this night to end.

He's never quite sure what Rick thinks of him when he has moments of panic like before. Sometimes he wonders if emotions like fear and love and loneliness were fine for other people but not for people like him. Rick liked it best when Vyvyan was strong and stoic so he dealt with most of his emotions simply by blocking them out, and if he thinks back, he always got the best reaction from Rick when he was the strong, silent type, muddy from fighting on the football field and angry - bordering on arrogant, but even the most angry and arrogant bastard in the world had to seek reassurance sometimes, didn't they? He figured it was still fine to keep those emotions under wraps. After all, Rick was very often girl enough for them both. 

Other times he wasn't sure if that sweeping generalisation was horribly unfair and untrue but he didn't know what to do, or say, so he did the only thing he knew how: carry on as normal in the roles they had chosen for themselves and go on pretending it was Rick that was weak.

 

~

 

Rick wakes with the same smile on his face that he remembers going to sleep with. He'd learnt in the night that Vyvyan was quite the hugger when he'd woken up surprisingly tangled in his arms, their naked bodies pressed together underneath the duvet. Vyvyan rolls over, turning away from him. Rick just about manages to free his arm from under him before it's crushed, without causing any disturbance to his gorgeous, sleeping _boyfriend._

He thinks about the term for a while and lets the enormity of it sink in. Vyvyan's bare back is now exposed and he can't help but touch it - trail his fingernails up and down it. The would-be poet in him wishes he had his notebook to hand: Vyvyan feels and looks so peaceful like this, like nothing in the world could ever bother him. It would be a marvellous thing to write about and he's sure he could come up with pages and pages ode to his many faint freckles and how inviting they look in the light of the morning peeking hazily in through the curtains.

Now stroking with both hands, Rick reaches to press his lips to Vyvyan's shoulder. He soon finds one kiss not enough though so plants more and more, softly as each fingertip continues to explore. Vyvyan groans at this and eventually rolls back over.

"Morning," yawns Vyvyan, rubbing his eyes.

Rick tries to stop staring but he can't not. Sleepy Vyvyan is delectable with his ruffled bed-hair and gruff voice, all soft around the edges and totally shaggable, if he's honest, if only morning sex (or any sex) could be on the cards now? He has to bite his lip to suppress that thought and it's made harder still, figuratively speaking, when Vyvyan leans forwards and kisses him hard on the mouth.

"Mm good morning," Butterflies take over his stomach and Rick wonders if he'd ever get used to the feeling. One thing's for sure, he would never stop ever thanking Cliff for getting to wake up like this while all the other boys on their floor run around childishly and fight. They really don't know what they're missing. "Hope I didn't wake you?" He says.

"Well you did," Vyvyan still sounds half asleep, "but you're not the worst sight to wake up to I suppose,"

"Glad you think so," the butterflies are promptly replaced by sledgehammers as Vyvyan opens his eyes and smiles at him and Rick's hands are back on him in an instant, his fingers tracing shapes in slight chest hair, "guess we should get up in a minute."

"No!" Vyvyan yawns again, checking the non existent watch on his wrist to Rick's amusement. "The alarm hasn't gone off yet so there's no rush." Vyvyan rolls on his back, pulling him with him, "I can't believe you woke me before the alarm even went off. That's a crime punishable by death, Rick. You should know that."

"You'll get over it." Rick says, moving closer as they lie together, hooking a leg around Vyvyan's hip. Vyvyan bites down a groan and adjusts himself under his weight, it doesn't help matters though; Vyvyan's erection is now pressing in his thigh and it's unbelievable to Rick that he isn't the only one who'd woken up in this predicament. 

"Sorry," Vyvyan mumbles sleepily and tries to shift himself over, but Rick doesn't let go.

"No need to apologise. Can't blame you really, waking up next to a stud like me." Says Rick. His newly found self confidence has no shame. Normally he'd be embarrassed about being so brazen but right now they both laugh.

"In your dreams, Rick!"

"Yes, actually." He admits, "and in yours."

"I know and it's not good! And it's against the rules! Um..what are you doing?"

"I have no idea. But it feels good, doesn't it?" He asks, beginning to rub himself against the half of Vyvyan's body not covered by the duvet.

"Yes, but,"

"But?"

"I thought we said no sex - well, no more sex, until we wait a while," Rick presses against him and writhes a little more forcefully, and _fuck_ he's hard too. Vyvyan fumbles for anything to pull a barrier between them: a pillow, the sheets, a wall, but it's too late.

" _You_ said no sex." Rick moans like a two-bit whore, "and I said _mmmh,_ but if you want to stop then go ahead and stop. Stop me."

"Not fair. You don't fight bloody fair!" It's nothing but a sigh; that's all Vyvyan has left. His breath had been taken away again by the boy in his arms and he's still not used to the mind-blank sensation. Rick, in his eyes, never looks more beautiful than when he's asleep - except for maybe when he's awake - smiling at him like this with sleepy eyes. Or last night when he'd settled next to him, dozing off. Or when he was in the throes of a bloody good snog, at the mercy of Vyvyan's tongue. Or just having come out of the shower, all drippy and naked and gorgeously gagging for it, or..

Okay. So Rick is always beautiful.

But he is just so young!

Vyvyan shakes himself and smiles on Rick's lips. Getting to wake up wrapped around him is nothing but a sheer, utter relief after his terrifying dream, and if Rick really wanted to do it: go all the way, then who was he to argue. "Fine!" He says, grappling with silky soft arms til he's holding Rick's hands. "If you want to, I want to. Um, you do want to, don't you?"

"Want to what?"

"To fu.. to have sex!" Vyvyan corrects himself promptly. He shouldn't say _fuck_ because they're not going to fuck. He can't call it 'making love' either - that was a revolting expression, but if he ever wondered what it would feel like to do just that and make love to Rick then this was the time. And they had all the time in the world, didn't they? A whole day. A whole Sunday cooped up in bed with the boy he was sexually obsessed with, and Vyvyan was so ready to get completely lost in him that he'd call it whatever Rick wanted.

"Yeah. Yes!" Rick stammers, "of course! Course I want to!" With that, Rick's heart leaps a beat and his stomach growls, though he's not sure if his hunger could be satisfied by a few soggy cornflakes for breakfast this morning. Eating seemed like such a boring and minor thing to do now - a stupid distraction from what he really wants to indulge in, if only his ridiculous nerves would kindly bugger off and let him get on with it! "I've wanted you for ages," he bravely admits, "but what if can't do it - or you don't think I'm good enough? What if you don't like it or it's not.. enough? God, there's so much to think about, isn't there? And so much pressure!"

"No. No there's not. There's no pressure. Not from me anyway." Vyvyan says, letting go of his hands. "And I don't think you need to worry about that, Rick. I'm pretty damn sure I'll like it."

"But I want it to be perfect."

"There's no such thing," Vyvyan says but immediately reconsiders. Maybe there is, he thinks as Rick's nervous smile ignites a giant flare of heat in his stomach. This has to happen soon coz he's getting desperate now - so desperate he actually aches. He can't ruin this again though so he tries his best not to rush. It has to be good. It was too late for him but everything has to be good for Rick's first time. "Look, why don't we get up and I'll get us something to eat, since your stomach is threatening to devour me - do you ever stop thinking about food? You have a bath and relax and we can watch television for a bit and just see what happens. Okay?" Rick agrees without a moments hesitation and climbs on and over him clumsily. Vyvyan clears his throat and resists the overwhelming urge to touch. He's still hard and unashamedly horny and the fact that he's staring at Rick's naked form as he walks towards the bathroom isn't doing a thing to make it stop.

"Perhaps you should go first. A cold shower will do you good, Vyv. I'll make us some coffee," Rick suggests with a backwards glance, slipping his dressing gown on and knotting it at the waist.

Vyvyan props himself up on his elbows, still staring. "I've never had so many cold showers before - never to remedy this problem anyway. Only coz my mum couldn't afford hot water.."

"Oh really," Rick bites his lip nervously, his next question so daring his pulse is hammering but that wasn't going to stop him from asking it. "How do you usually remedy this problem then?" The moment the question leaves his lips he's blushing. Vyvyan had been good and so patient with him so far but if he's willing to play along a bit longer then Rick would go with it.

"Now that would be telling, but you're smart." Vyvyan grins, "You're a swot and I've seen that magazine under your bed so I think you can work that one out for yourself. Why do you think I'm late for school every morning? Do you have any other 'reading' materials I can look at, or is it just tits and fanny?"

Ooh that's an invitation if ever Rick had heard one. "That magazine isn't mine."

"Yeah course it's not. That's exactly what I told my mum when she caught me with _Big Cock Monthly._ It's fine if you like girls, Rick, just as long as you like me too." 

Vyvyan shrugs, now led on his side, head propped in his hand. The thin sheet covering him seems almost obsolete as it skims over his hipbones and pulls taut between his legs.

"It isn't. It isn't mine. One of the boys thought it'd be funny to put it in my locker when we we having an inspection. It was a joke. He said it'd stop me from being such a poof but I don't think it's working.. They're always doing hilarious things like that to me, the guys. I had to hide it down my trousers and bring it home or I'd get expelled. Pretty funny, eh?"

"Yeah, hilarious. I don't think those boys are your friends, Rick."

"I don't care! I don't need friends! All I need is you." Rick approaches and sits on Vyvyan's bed, sliding a hand over his thigh. It hesitates and comes to a stop before it touches bare skin though, although it's difficult; just because he was technically still a virgin, he didn't want to assume that going further would be okay. He couldn't bear to be rejected again. It wouldn't be the first time he'd made the first move, kissed Vyvyan, touched him and gazed hungrily, longingly, only for it to materialise into nothing. He looks Vyvyan in the eyes, which have never looked more beautiful. "I don't think I like girls." He says. "And I don't really like boys either - not in real life anyway and none at this school, they're all pigs! But I like you. So much. From the moment I first saw you. Sometimes I can't look at you, I can't think straight. You make me want everything so much!"

Vyvyan lies back on the pillow, freeing his arms so they can throw themselves around Rick. He grabs the back of his head and pulls him down for a kiss, the other hand finding Rick's and gently guiding it under the covers. "You make me want, too. Come here."

Rick doesn't need telling twice. If Vyvyan was game then so was he. He takes hold of his erection delicately at first like he had in the lift, slowly touching, rubbing it up and down. He thought he'd be anxious at the mere idea of touching Vyvyan like this - so out in the open, but he soon learns that this isn't about himself. The soft sounds he was getting from Vyvyan, not to mention the instant colour of his cheeks were all clear signs he had nothing to worry about. Vyvyan was gasping against his lips, moaning in his mouth and Rick squeezes his eyes shut so he could do it right. "Is this good?" Vyvyan shakes his head slightly - a nod. "Is it really good?" He hadn't meant to ask again but Vyvyan had grabbed his bum and Rick's arousal had spiked angrily, causing his cock to twitch for attention and his grip to tighten fully.

"What do you think? Does it look like I like it?" Vyvyan half opens one eye, breaking away from Rick's mouth to playfully nip at his neck, not too hard though: he doesn't want to leave any marks that were visible on such a flawless and untouched, blank canvas, and although he felt like spelling his name in hickeys across Rick's neck so everyone would know he was his, he didn't really want to get Rick in trouble.

Rick takes the hint, moving his hand faster, kissing slowly and experimentally down Vyvyan's neck, across his collar bone and down to his chest. He licks Vyvyan's right nipple until it's hard on his tongue and then gives the same treatment to the left, around the piercing, rewarded by a louder moan and a surprisingly tender hand in his hair. "Is this okay?"

"Yes! Stop asking questions, you're fine." Groans Vyvyan, "in fact you're more than fine. You're extremely fucking fine!"

Rick continues the assault of kisses down Vyvyan's body, pushing the covers off the bed completely so his mouth gains better access. He kisses Vyvyan's stomach and the insides of his thighs and Vyvyan tugs on his hair when he does it, making it known where he wants his mouth to be. After a good few minutes spent building up his confidence, Rick decides to put him out of his misery. "Any last minute tips?"

"Yeah. Whatever you do, don't use your teeth!"

"Wasn't going to," he grins, bracing himself on his elbows, pulling Vyvyan's legs apart and licking once, all the way to the tip, taking in exactly how Vyvyan's cock feels when it hardens fully on his tongue. Despite being naked around each other many times, it never felt acceptable to really look at Vyvyan like this. His cock is thicker and larger than he remembered when Vyvyan had jumped into the lake - especially this close, and the thought of eventually having it inside him makes his head throb. He closes his eyes and laves his tongue around. It wasn't his own pleasure he was supposed to be focusing on right now. "Let me know, yeah?"

Vyvyan's moan of agreement is shakily gasped out as Rick takes him in his mouth, wasting no more time teasing, each swirl of his tongue eliciting more and more moans. 

"Uh God, Rick!"

It isn't scary, or demeaning, or anything like he'd imagined. In his dreams it had felt like such a dirty and grown-up thing to do, and that was so out of character for him it seemed like it could never be real, like no one would ever allow him to do this. In his dreams Rick was just a floating figure, doing this to another floating figure with vaguely Vyvyan features. 

But this time it is real.

The way Vyvyan tastes and the way he touches him, the way he pushes back into the bed to stop himself thrusting down his throat..

"Uhuh like that.. you're doing good. Mmm yeah that's great!"

Everything is suddenly so very real and so overwhelmingly sexy, Rick is painfully aware of his own erection digging in the mattress. His hands are preoccupied and all over Vyvyan so unless he starts humping the bed he wasn't about to get relief anytime soon. Although with Vyvyan saying his name in between glorious words of praise and increasing obscenities, it does make Rick wonder if he could come from this alone. He dismisses that thought so he can focus on sucking.

Vyvyan struggles in his hands and he hears him murmur something about how he was close and Rick might need to stop. Vyvyan is babbling all sorts under his breath and his belly is hot and clammy against his forehead. Rick soon realises he can swallow quite deeply in this position if he shifts higher up and balances on his knees. He steadies himself and sucks hard, adding more spit with each wet twist and slurp. Vyvyan cries out again and holds his head still, letting him know to ease off. Rick wants to bring him to the edge and hold him in his mouth until he shaking and exploding - get his own back for last night, but he also wants to see Vyvyan's face properly this time, and lying on Vyvyan's soft and sweaty chest has got to be more comfortable than grinding his hard-on in thin air. He lifts his head, taking over with his hand. It doesn't take many strokes for Vyvyan to hold him still again and writhe against the pillow. The hand gripping his forearm was clenched so tight the knuckles were turning white, the other had given up on his hair and was grabbing whatever it could get hold of until Rick is yanked on top with a thud.

A loud hiss from Vyvyan as their hips touch makes Rick intensely aware of how hard he is - how hard they both are. A look, one second of eye contact and Vyvyan nods reassuringly, his eyes piercing and dark as they meet his.

"Come here, like this. Fucking hell, Rick. Come here!"

Vyvyan grasps at his hip, pulling them together and hooking his legs around his thighs, locking Rick in place. Rick is already moving in response, grinding, and before he can ask if he's doing it correctly, Vyvyan is coming, his bottom lip is quivering and he's having an orgasm right there...

"Mmm don't stop! Please don't.. Mmm FUCK!"

Rick rocks on him, awestruck and taking in every detail as Vyvyan's head rolls and pulses of hot wetness burst between their stomachs. He isn't aware that he's doing the same and flooding Vyvyan's chest until some seconds later when the dizziness subsides. 

He gasps Vyvyan's name again - which only adds fuel to his fire: he's still coming.

"Wow. That's a lot!"

The voice is muffled against his neck and although Vyvyan is wet through, he can't stop. "Oh.. I'm sorry, it won't stop!"

"Don't be sorry, you idiot!" 

Vyvyan pulls his face up for a kiss that Rick hardly has the energy for, but he manages it quickly before he melts into his arms. 

"You are so fucking sexy!" 

"Yeah?"

"Fuck yeah. You're killing me."

Rick can't help but kiss Vyvyan again now his head isn't spinning, slowly, much slower now they're not filled to the brim with wanton need. 

"That mouth actually has other talents than just talking me to death then. Good to know." Vyvyan teases as Rick settles down by his side.

"Well what can I say. I have many talents."

"I'm sure you do!"

Rick smirks back, noting that Vyvyan actually seems happy to embrace all the post coital cuddling - good, he thinks, because he loves this.

They lie in a blissfull silence for a while - probably only ten minutes - Rick glancing at Vyvyan as his eyes flutter contently open and shut. "You should probably get that shower, Vyv. You're a bit sticky."

"Yeah I wonder why." Vyvyan says, feigning innocence - which isn't innocent at all, it's borderline filth. "What made you come back to the bed then and jump my bones?"

"I realised how much you meant it when you said no pressure," he replies lazily, heaving himself out of bed and dutifully away from Vyvyan. "It was strangely reassuring. You really are nice sometimes."

"Piss off!"

"Fine, be like that then after all I just did for you."

"If you don't shut up I'll make you do it again."

"Great! And then we'll do it again, and again, and we'll spend all day doing it, we'll never get out of bed and I'm ruddy-well starving to death!" Rick tuts with an inviting raise of an eyebrow. "Shower and go to the canteen and then maybe I'll think about letting you do it again."

"You're going to be a bloody nightmare, aren't you?"

"No," Rick says over the roar of the kettle, "I'm gonna be great, Vyv. We're gonna be great."

 

~

 

Rick tidies up the bedroom, feeds SPG - who shows no signs of emerging from his fluffy mound of bedding - and makes both their beds, still naked. Putting on clothes seemed pointless when he just wanted to take them off. He'd gladly choose to be naked with Vyvyan until the end of term given the chance - warm and safe in their perfect cocoon of happiness. Next he knows there's the sound of running water and Vyvyan in the shower, and oh dear Cliff, was he _humming!_

Rick really needs to use the bathroom too now so he's fairly relieved when he sees the door is unlocked and left slightly ajar. He's almost finished relieving himself when Vyvyan stops and yanks back the curtain, just enough for Rick to see his face and full head of foamy shampoo suds. If Rick looks carefully he could probably make out the rest of Vyvyan's body through the thin shower curtain but he doesn't allow himself to think about that.

"If you were planning on joining me you're a bit late." Says Vyvyan, massaging his scalp. "Thought I'd try and get the rest of the mud out. My mohawk looks like shit lately but your shampoo smells revolting so now I'm going to reek like a girl." Vyvyan watches avidly as Rick finishes, eyes drawn automatically down to where he's holding himself and he turns his face to the jet of warm water, gargling with it.

"I wasn't planning on joining you actually." Rick says, keeping his gaze gentlemanly at eye level. "And you're getting water all over the floor. Clean it up, eh?" He says, grinning and shutting the curtain with a _whoosh_

"I love you too, Hitler!" 

Vyvyan yells, going back to humming over the sound of the shower. Rick instantly recognises the tune as _God Save The Queen_ and he shakes his head, unable to stop his lopsided, dreamy grin. He had never been this happy. Not ever.

When he's finished brushing his teeth, he leaves Vyvyan to it. He doesn't want to put his pyjamas back on, given the effect they have on Vyvyan, but it's getting too cold to walk around naked and it was weekend so he didn't have to wear a uniform..

Why didn't he have any clothes that looked cool?!

Everything he'd tried on so far was too square and none of his jeans hung off his hips and made him look sexy like Vyvyan's did. 

Maybe not jeans then… 

Trousers?

No. Those creases and turn-ups were even worse.

Instead he rifles through the pile of clothes on the floor and finds a tshirt and drawstring bottoms he thinks might fit. They were both loose on Vyvyan but on him they're quite snug. The trousers mould around his bottom, the tshirt is just long enough to cover it but pulls tight across his chest. He figures it's fine. No one else is going to look at him but Vyvyan. They're not ever going to leave this room ever again if Rick had his way. 

He'd never cooked anything for anyone before, he thinks, adding sugar to a cup. He didn't have to; his parents did everything for him. The kitchen is pretty small, straightforward and basic but he's glad he wouldn't have to humiliate himself any further by burning down the school trying to concoct a romantic meal. Vyvyan knew how to make things, usually a mess that he had to clean up, but that was perfectly okay with him. He had all he wanted - everything he could ever want.

"Hmm..." Arms slip around him. Vyvyan is still damp from the shower with a towel around him. "You're wearing my clothes."

"Yes I know. Can you keep your hands to yourself please! I'm trying to make your coffee." Rick says, half-heartedly shrugging Vyvyan off as he pours.

"But you're wearing my clothes!" Vyvyan repeats, moving one hand up his tshirt while the other hand moves lower. "Are you trying to finish me off? That night in the pub.. I could have bent you over that sink."

"It was all I could find."

"Hmm I bet.." Vyvyan's brushes his hair aside, his lips find his neck and Rick slams down the kettle, spilling it's boiled contents on the counter as Vyvyan pulls him backwards into the safety of his arms. 

"Oops. Better clean it up, eh?"

"Sod it, it can wait!" He says as Vyvyan traces the outline of his cock through his trousers. Sure enough every drop of blood in his body is soon rapidly rushing south despite Rick's best effort to resist. Vyvyan smirks triumphantly and Rick feels it in his skin. 

"Naughty boy. What would your teacher say?"

"God, don't use that voice."

"What voice?"

"That voice! That low, breathy come-here-and-shag-me voice."

"I don't know what voice you mean." Vyvyan giggles, "and shouldn't that be your line?"

"I don't know. Aren't you a top?" 

Vyvyan laughs and it vibrates in his skin.

"A top? Get that from one of your magazines, did ya?"

"Aren't you? Isn't that what it's called when you.. you know?"

"Suppose. I'm not really anything really. Never thought about it. But I like being a bottom. You can make people do whatever you want."

"I don't want you to feel like that with me."

"I don't, so maybe I can be a top. If that's what you want?" 

Vyvyan presses his palm around his erection and Rick's knees weaken. He doesn't know how Vyvyan could be almost naked and him fully clothed and yet he was the one falling to pieces. He's gulping lungfuls of air as Vyvyan touches him, his heart racing while Vyvyan remains calm, only half hard and grinning wickedly. He finally knows the effect he has on Rick now and is clearly relishing in it.

"Look at you, you're leaking." 

"It's water!"

"Whatever you say. You still want me to leave and get breakfast?"

"Erm.. I - I don't.. you don't fight fair either, y'know!" Rick pouts as Vyvyan lets go, drops his towel and stands before him, wearing nothing but a smile in the reflection of the wardrobe mirror, his long lean muscles flexed as he spikes his wet hair.

"Oh Rick, of course I don't!"


End file.
